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Does anyone feel like me?

M

MamaMax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
86
Location
Inverness
Apparently when you are depressed you feel like you are the only person in the world to have depression. I am feeling anxious this morning, like my depression is a 'different' kind or something so I'm reaching out.

It feels like there is a weight in the front of my head, around my eyes and forehead. I feel like I'm not really present or if I do feel present, it's in my head only. I get twinges of panic in my stomach for no obvious reason. I'm so weary and I've lost half a stone in two weeks. I'm weak and trembly. I'm obsessed with googling and reading, trying to find something that will help, something to explain why this has happened to me, how long it will last, will it go away. I feel like I'm losing everyone around me the longer this goes on for. I can't feel any connection to my loved ones and my heart feels totally broken. I'm overwhelmed with some type of grief for myself and for the life I had just over two weeks ago.

The day stretches ahead of me and I don't know what to do. I have my toddler to care for, but I'm so wrapped up in myself, I don't know how to get out. I can't concentrate on anything to do anything.

Sometimes I just want to be put in a mental hospital because I can't stand what I am doing to my family. Every morning my husband asks me how I am, and i say I am fine because I know he wants me to be, then when I end up crying, I know he feels horrible too, because I am still like this. My daughter didn't tell me she had a UTI because she didn't want to add any stress to me. My toddler gets upset if I cry, though I try to go to the bathroom to hide it. My mum calls me every morning with hope in her voice and I can't give her any.

I don't want to die. I don't want to leave my husband, I don't want to leave my kids. But it's like I already have died and I am just a ghost of myself.

It's day four of a dose increase after being on the same dose for four years. Every day I am frightened this dose won't work and my doctor will want me to taper off then switch to something else. That means months of being like this and that sends me into sheer panic. Im just so defeated.
 
Talula67

Talula67

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 23, 2020
Messages
3,450
Location
United Kingdom
:grouphug:
Apparently when you are depressed you feel like you are the only person in the world to have depression. I am feeling anxious this morning, like my depression is a 'different' kind or something so I'm reaching out.

It feels like there is a weight in the front of my head, around my eyes and forehead. I feel like I'm not really present or if I do feel present, it's in my head only. I get twinges of panic in my stomach for no obvious reason. I'm so weary and I've lost half a stone in two weeks. I'm weak and trembly. I'm obsessed with googling and reading, trying to find something that will help, something to explain why this has happened to me, how long it will last, will it go away. I feel like I'm losing everyone around me the longer this goes on for. I can't feel any connection to my loved ones and my heart feels totally broken. I'm overwhelmed with some type of grief for myself and for the life I had just over two weeks ago.

The day stretches ahead of me and I don't know what to do. I have my toddler to care for, but I'm so wrapped up in myself, I don't know how to get out. I can't concentrate on anything to do anything.

Sometimes I just want to be put in a mental hospital because I can't stand what I am doing to my family. Every morning my husband asks me how I am, and i say I am fine because I know he wants me to be, then when I end up crying, I know he feels horrible too, because I am still like this. My daughter didn't tell me she had a UTI because she didn't want to add any stress to me. My toddler gets upset if I cry, though I try to go to the bathroom to hide it. My mum calls me every morning with hope in her voice and I can't give her any.

I don't want to die. I don't want to leave my husband, I don't want to leave my kids. But it's like I already have died and I am just a ghost of myself.

It's day four of a dose increase after being on the same dose for four years. Every day I am frightened this dose won't work and my doctor will want me to taper off then switch to something else. That means months of being like this and that sends me into sheer panic. Im just so defeated.
I hear your pain and frustration. Let's hope the increase in meds with bring you into equilibrium and balanced in moods. It did for me a few months back and regular connections on this forum for support and understanding. Sometimes helping others helps take me out of my negative ruminations.

To be honest I cannot get back on that spiral of desperate negativety as it takes me to the depths of despair and wanting to escape from my head in ways I am not proud of.

Just wanted bro say hi and let you know your not alone anymore in this fight ...
 
Yetti 56

Yetti 56

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 8, 2021
Messages
285
Location
Eccles, Manchester uk.
Apparently when you are depressed you feel like you are the only person in the world to have depression. I am feeling anxious this morning, like my depression is a 'different' kind or something so I'm reaching out.

It feels like there is a weight in the front of my head, around my eyes and forehead. I feel like I'm not really present or if I do feel present, it's in my head only. I get twinges of panic in my stomach for no obvious reason. I'm so weary and I've lost half a stone in two weeks. I'm weak and trembly. I'm obsessed with googling and reading, trying to find something that will help, something to explain why this has happened to me, how long it will last, will it go away. I feel like I'm losing everyone around me the longer this goes on for. I can't feel any connection to my loved ones and my heart feels totally broken. I'm overwhelmed with some type of grief for myself and for the life I had just over two weeks ago.

The day stretches ahead of me and I don't know what to do. I have my toddler to care for, but I'm so wrapped up in myself, I don't know how to get out. I can't concentrate on anything to do anything.

Sometimes I just want to be put in a mental hospital because I can't stand what I am doing to my family. Every morning my husband asks me how I am, and i say I am fine because I know he wants me to be, then when I end up crying, I know he feels horrible too, because I am still like this. My daughter didn't tell me she had a UTI because she didn't want to add any stress to me. My toddler gets upset if I cry, though I try to go to the bathroom to hide it. My mum calls me every morning with hope in her voice and I can't give her any.

I don't want to die. I don't want to leave my husband, I don't want to leave my kids. But it's like I already have died and I am just a ghost of myself.

It's day four of a dose increase after being on the same dose for four years. Every day I am frightened this dose won't work and my doctor will want me to taper off then switch to something else. That means months of being like this and that sends me into sheer panic. Im just so defeated.
Ah, that sounds awful and you are in a terrible place at the moment, and yes hopefully the meds change will help sooner than later, sadly most of us have been in the same despairing place, sending you my love and i hope and pray things do change for you.
 
S

SadRainbow

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 5, 2021
Messages
1,971
Location
Norfolk
I can very much relate. I'm too weary to write much but I wanted you to know I hear you and I wish you well ❤
 
L

laural98

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 14, 2021
Messages
249
Location
Wales
Sorry to hear your experiencing this at the moment mamamax. I really do hope the increase in meds work for you and the side effects wear off soon. If it’s any consolation I have just been started on meds and more or less experiencing the same effects as yourself. I’m day 8 today and they get better each day. It’s just the Medication adjusting to your body and it will get used to it soon enough. Sending hugs. Laura x
 
M

MamaMax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
86
Location
Inverness
:grouphug:
I hear your pain and frustration. Let's hope the increase in meds with bring you into equilibrium and balanced in moods. It did for me a few months back and regular connections on this forum for support and understanding. Sometimes helping others helps take me out of my negative ruminations.

To be honest I cannot get back on that spiral of desperate negativety as it takes me to the depths of despair and wanting to escape from my head in ways I am not proud of.

Just wanted bro say hi and let you know your not alone anymore in this fight ...
Thanks very much for replying, I'm so glad your med increase worked for you and long may it last.
 
M

MamaMax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
86
Location
Inverness
I can very much relate. I'm too weary to write much but I wanted you to know I hear you and I wish you well ❤
Thank you SadRainbow, don't you worry, it was lovely of you to reply despite how you are feeling. I'm always here if you want to talk.
 
M

MamaMax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
86
Location
Inverness
Sorry to hear your experiencing this at the moment mamamax. I really do hope the increase in meds work for you and the side effects wear off soon. If it’s any consolation I have just been started on meds and more or less experiencing the same effects as yourself. I’m day 8 today and they get better each day. It’s just the Medication adjusting to your body and it will get used to it soon enough. Sending hugs. Laura x
Thanks Laura, I'm glad your side effects are getting better each day, I hope soon you will be feeling back on form. I have to increase again tonight to 100mg so I guess that will out me back to day one but needs must x
 
M

MamaMax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
86
Location
Inverness
Thank you. I just wish I felt more up to being supportive of MamaMax
You have already been supportive despite your own feelings, you are wonderful for that. Please don't worry, I'm doing better now, as I often seem to do in the evening. I am actually very lucky that I usually do get some relief in the evening as I know there are many out there who don't.
 
R

Rooooo997

Active member
Joined
Jun 19, 2020
Messages
38
Location
Uk
Day 4 is early days. Have faith in your doctor, he/she will get you to a good place but it may take time. The hardest part is getting through these crap days/weeks until you come through the other side.... Which you will by the way. These feelings you are experiencing are an illness and when you are in the depths of despair you must remember that. You won't be this way forever. The brain is complicated.... Trust the professionals x
 
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