Does anyone else obsess and hero-worship people?

catatude

catatude

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#21
Oh Jee wizz yes thanks for starting this thread so nice to know its not just me......slightly different with me though in that i tend to end up sleeping with them.
Lets see 1st time i remember idolising someone it was a female teacher in primary school, then a female teacher in high school.
Then my college tutor at college and when on a residential (we had a lil snog you know)
Then my youth worker, i was in awe of her and wanted to be a youth worker just like her (which i did) we ended up sleeping together :redface:

Then when i started work the same with my boss, we ended up having a 4 year ish relationship but she battered the hell out of me.
Another job with social services and i was obsessed with my boss, 6 year relationship.....there were people in between these times that i obviously didnt end up in a relationship with.

Latest my CPN, had last appointment with her a couple of weeks ago and i was gutted....still am.
But i also idolise my now partner of 5 years so thats good
Hi Blacktulip,
Glad to read all these responses! I've always idealized anyone that paid attention or was kind to me. Even though they are everything I'm not, it seems to make me feel better about myself simply because they are paying attention. I'm guessing that it is usually women because women are more care-taking than men.
 
catatude

catatude

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#22
There is always one person in my life who I obsess over, and whose opinion of me means everything.

The first ever person was my teacher when I was 11. Ever since then there's been a person in authority who I am dying to get close to (and who by definition I cannot get close to), usually female (so am I). It's been teachers, college lecturers, bosses, but there is only one 'idol' at a time.

Their opinion of me, and that I am important to them means everything. I will semi-stalk the person at work to have opportuities to have a kind word said to me or just be seen by them. I crave their attention like sugar.

I am deeply ashamed of this, I have learnt since I was 11 how to cover it up pretty well. Mostly I act off-hand with them. If I acted naturally, I would be asking tonnes of personal questions trying to get to know them, flinging my arms around them, pouring out my deepest hopes and fears, and begging them never to forget me and stay in touch forever.

I am a girl, 26, and I have never had a relationship or intimate experience with a man. It's like these female idols occupy all my thoughts and desires. I don't think I am gay though beause it's never anything sexual.
I am emotionaly afraid of men though, it's like they're another species or something.

I come from a stable, loving family background with no childhood traumas or abuse, whoch is why I don't understand why I'm such an insecure and needy person.

Is anyone else like me??:-(
I have always felt so alone. Nobody knows I am secretly a freak. I desperately want to get rid of this need and these feelings, but I can't seem to talk myself out of it for more than a day or two.

Please let me know if you understand, or have any idea what is wrong with me or why I am like this:-(
xx

Glad to read all these responses! I've always idealized anyone that paid attention or was kind to me. Even though they are everything I'm not, it seems to make me feel better about myself simply because they are paying attention. I'm guessing that it is usually women because women are more care-taking than men.
 
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bittersweetdefeat

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#23
Thank you alexshadxcherylc for your reply to my post. With therapists it makes the situation EXTRA complicated and painful though...because they are people who most definitely care and even though some say therapists are paid to care it is obvious that they are interested in you. But then it leaves you frantic and terrified knowing that once you "recover" they will be out of your life and they can't keep in contact due to confidentiality laws.

I remember when I took DBT-A for adolescents (never finished it though, as with most of my life i've had a pattern of beginning wholeheartedly and getting into something but then giving up or becoming disgusted by it if it does not turn out the way I wanted it to be) I was crazy about my therapist. She would stimulate emotions in me (like I explained in my other post) and sometimes I would even think up problems for the negative emotions I felt as an excuse to call her and hear her voice and just to know she was really there! A lot of times when these important people aren't physically around I feel like they disappear and I'll never be able to see them again. So just to know they still exist I HAVE to have some way of communicating, whether it is healthy or not.

I'm sorry to hear that you miss your CBT therapist. I hope things get better for you. Remember, time will heal things, and who knows sometimes life can be unpredictable with an exciting twist to it!!!
 
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bittersweetdefeat

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#24
I think this is known as "lack of object constancy" you know when someone's not physically they aren't real anymore. I'm reading a book called "Evil Genes" by Barbara Oakley and it explains so much. Lifesaver, that book is.
 
aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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#25
Hi
Thanks for responding back to me i understand and can realte so much to all of that the first person i rang once when i was in crisis was my cBT therapist she once let me have 2 appointments in 1 week as my grandad just died than after that i wanted to see her twice a week but we didnt, i obess over her and i still do now im on her facebook page looking for upates even though i can only see if she changes her display picture.
its werid im seeing a priavte therapist as im waiting for pyscotherapy for 6 months and couldnt cope by myself and going to a therapist about another therapist its not just that theres lots of things going on in the past and now.
i fantised about me and her being friends but as it was firs tproper therapy i had, had i didnt know boundaries and what and couldnt happen it helped she was younger as well about 25/26 and im 21.
the thing is i never did recover as they sent me to pyscotherapy as i had a breakdown about losing her as i found out on the internet it was time limited then i wasted the sessions and panicked i feel stupid and annoyed with myself finally after 3 years got a good therapist then i waste it but anyway my last session was awful i wouldnt leave!.
the CBT story with my therapist is so long but just to say i understand i feel like im never ever going to get over it and its been 3 months on but anyway ..
xx
 
mdlks

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#26
I do obsess ALOT, but my story is a bit different, I tend to obsess about boyfriends.(even friends sometimes) I am 28 and have decided to just not get into any sort of relationship again because I get so obsessive. I avoid meeting people at all costs because of this. It's led to heartbreak after heartbreak for me since I was about 14 yrs old. It doesnt matter how hard I try and try to not to become obsessed and try to take things slow for once, I CAN NOT do it. (at least not yet) So, I just make sure I do not put myself in that position again.....Maybe one day I can learn to control it even though I definitely haven't gotten to that point yet.
 
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bittersweetdefeat

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#27
That's too bad. Yeah, I definitely know the misery that can come from idealizing. Oh hey...now that I'm finally recovering from bad "borderline habits" that caused me to qualify for a PD [because supposedly people with personality disorders are just "normal" people with the dillusion that they don't know who they are and have genetically-inherited most of their borderline traits/frequent and intense reactive moods that shift a lot/impulsivity/brain structure/cognitive-perceptual impairment/"splitting" (seeing other individuals as all good/rescuers/goddesses or all bad/perceived abusers/sadistic opponent, esp. close ones they perceive as a potential caregiver or lover with similar personality traits to their own and been traumatized at a young age and had the low sense of self thinking-pattern drilled into their head for years and into their adulthood. Someone with a PD just has 5 out of the 9 traits of the symptoms listed in the DSM-IV-TR Axis II mental illnesses. According to psychology standards it's all been an illusion and the "false self"/people pleaser was all my emotions causing the REAL me/positive to lie to myself about who I really am and I thought my emotions ran my life and I was inferior, worthless, etc. and I've just been self-inflicting most of the prevailent negative emotional pain all along and then projecting it on others I view as dominant) including what we've been talking about in our last few posts (SPLITTING/Hero-worshipping). I've had everything CLICK for me and am not exactly sure what caused it other than I'm sick of feeling like dirt underneath the rest of society's shoes, now that I am adult I am EQUAL, and God or the higher power or karma or destiny or whatever you believe runs the world is the only TRUE superior. I think learning about the bad habits and stopping the bad habit of role absorbtion/identifying [feeling like I don't know who I am only certain parts and defining myself off a SINGLE ROLE or interest at a time, usually that are symbolic/labeled to most of society and extremes on the personality spectrum with a made-personality i.e. goth, punk, (insert current Goddess/Villian/Rescuer/Abuser's name here) "Junior", emo, borderline, and dominatrix] Sometimes I am afraid that my moods will overwhelm me and make me feel like my emotions run me and I am helpless, or change my point of view but if I think of it as all of a dillusion then I will be able to become more "normal"/stable/consisitent and recover from borderline personality disorder/learn how to cope in a more positive way and release emotions in a healthy way.

I don't know if you've qualified for the full disorder, but it appears you have the learned "Splitting"/idealizing and devaluing trait and have extreme emotions that overwhelm you. Don't let your emotions drive the train!!!! You be in charge, girl! Good luck.

Oh, and it's not going to be easy getting over the negative habit of Splitting it takes time, consistent and unconditional support from loved ones, and the true desire to change...for YOU and NO ONE ELSE whether it's because you want to please your perceived-goddess or anyone but you...it's okay to feel emotions and be honest, don't suppress what you're really feeling, be honest, and if people don't accept you for you then they'll be missing out. It's their loss.

And time will heal the wounds of how much you miss your CBT therapist. Remember, life is a path, and maybe later on down the road in your future she'll somehow be part of yours again! There are good times and bad times, not just extremes, not everything is black and white like some people seem to see the world, themselves, other people in thier life, and life as.

Cheers,

Greta Sweet
 
catatude

catatude

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#28
I'm so gratefully for what you said Greta.

Truly waning to change and being willing to do the work it would required has been on my mind a lot lately. Living one way for 56 years, even though it is painful, is comfortable because it's all I've known. The idea of changing who I am and act is scary. I'm in the process of convincing myself that it would be a good thing. The anxiety has been intense.
 
aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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#29
Hi bittersweetdefeat
Thanks for writing back and for all that information
im sorry you suffer too
like i say i dont know if i have a personality disorder but its not normal to be doing what i am doing. even thought im seeing a private therapist until pyscotherapy starts its just werid it not being Laura(my CBt Therapist) sitting there listening to my rubbish!
I just dont know how to move on but i hope your right that i see her again at some stage again in my life
i wish!!!!!!!!!!!! :low:
thank you again
Katie
xx
 
Ghost89

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#30
Hey there.
Yea I understand.. I do have an obsession with my instructor..find him sooooooo cool and im not sure why. He's like the father I never had lol. Or wish I had. I have had loads of unhealthy obssessions for girls only one went somewhere and that ended terribly :( if im into a girl I could look at her for ages and just hope to get noticed but im always too afraid of rejection for it to lead anywhere..i also obsess about girls with certain names oddly.. I myself consider me to be a complete weirdo but.. How can I change ?? I long for something I will probably never feel.. True happiness :) ......
 
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bittersweetdefeat

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#31
Katie -

Until I started googling every weird symptom about myself and obsessively googled I saw LITERALLY THE WHOLE WORLD the EXACT SAME WAY you do.

I felt like an a walking, talking oxymoron (DSM-IV-TR/Diagnostic and Statistics Manual/TEXTBOOK DEFINITION OF 1 OF THE 9 BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER traits known as "SPLITTING/LEARNED AND INGRAINED BAD HABIT SINCE THE MAJORITY OF THE BORDERLINE DIED DURING THE ORIGINAL TRAUMATIC ABUSE SCENE"/Seeing every human - including themselves - as either "All Good/superior to someone else with BPD" or "All Bad/the worst enemy a borderline will ever have" depending on how you truly feel inside.

So basically a TRUE BORDERLINE-PD can ONLY understand/relate to what they are feeling EMOTIONALLY INSIDE in the CURRENT MOMENT (Black and White thinking), and tends to feel like their lovely -pet-PORTUGUESE WATER dog-on-leash running on pure instincts (impulsive) and are completely alone, CONTROLLED SOLELY BY THEIR EMOTIONS and are on the constant search for a perfect, unconditional person that will love them forever no matter what mood the are in. (thinking in extremes.)

A TRUE BORDERLINE can look in the mirror for hours and see themselves as only HOTT AS HELL or UGLY AS HELL and that Anyone else would be the luckiest person in the world to have a borderline/themself as their lover/admirer/dirt beneath their shoes depending on what emotion the other NORMAL person is in.

People like us, who I would say possess 5 or more of the 9 symptoms of a PERSONALITY DISORDERERED-INDIVIDUAL/CRAZY PERSON are true borderlines.

Hope that helps. All I can literally understand are the broken images I draw in my BLANK VENTING-JOURNAL I fill up when I feel empty or the stories I write and secretly want my loved ones to read in my BLANK VENTING-JOURNAL I draw in when I'm Feeling any type of negative emotions.

Read "Evil Genes" if you want to "become a narcissist and finally find the self you've been looking for for years 18 years +.

Borderlines are people who are fluent in/operate in PURE FRENCH while THE MAIN CHARACTERS IN THEIR LIFE/MOVIE THEY ARE FILMING WHERE THEY ARE THE "CAMERAPERSON" forever searching for a Main character to star in the full length feature.

(Normal people) in the world are all on the main radio channel and hear each other/can read/can communicate with each other CLEARLY depending on their emotions. Borderlines are the individuals who are on the staticky sub-channel either 1 up from or one below the main channel the rest of the world is on.

Borderlines can only symbolically relate to any type of artistic/unique artwork that validates their true feelings.

Oh and until now I either looked at you...KATIE...as a FULL-BLOODED BORDERLINE/Goddess/EQUAL or a GODDESS that had a lot of BORDERLINE TRAITS in common with ME (psychological projection onto the person viewed as the dominant character we obsessess/overanalyze when we feel empty.)
 
aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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#32
Hi
Yes i can realte especially at the last bit where you say we obsess and overanalyze over that person because we feel empty, which is what i did as i was so empty and still am and i was going through a tough time and she was the only thing worth living for! now i have nothing to live for because everytime i saw her she made me smile it was the first time i smiled all week when i first saw her id never wash my hair or wear nice clothes but as time went on i washed my hair and wore nice clothes even though obviously now i know it didnt make a difference to her!
I have a black and white view i either think people are nice or nasty it might be because i have autism and aspergers too and you see things either black or white too.
I dont look at myself in the mirror but i hate myself so much i hate my body my face and every single thing about me.
Thank you so much for all the information and what you are suffering too its nice to know im not alone and to know that im not the only one to have obessesd and look up to someone as a heroin or godness (with my CBt therapist) but now i feel did she actually like me does she really hate me now?
xx
 
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darkpassenger

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#33
Wow. I followed along with all of this. You wrote what I couldn't put into words. Thank you so much.
 
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Moodmouse

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#34
I also have similar issues, I form attachments to people who show me some kindness, professionally or otherwise. I can't deal with endings and feel abandoned. It's something I have always felt deeply embarrassed about and it is good to know others feel the same.
 
Dita85

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#35
This thread is actually very old, so a lot of the original posters might not be around anymore.

I am just the same, if someone is kind to me I become attached to them like a stray dog would if someone fed it. I sometimes feel that if I can get close to those people that somehow their humanity will transfer to me and make me a 'real' or 'whole' person. Of course that doesn't happen.
 
NicoretteGummed

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#36
Yeh I do as it happens!!!

John Lennon:-


Something John Lennon said about God and the Afterlife has always stuck with me:-

"Accept it's Unknown and then after that it's plain sailing"
 
B

Bambalina

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#37
thank for sharing...

i have earned the name bunnyboiler... because i too become obsessive when it comes to personal relationships... particularly men, but when i was younger my best friend i totally wanted to be like her, i could not see it untill i grew up and the friendship ended.... which broke my heart, i was never able to develope another friendship like it, which is why i find it hard to trust people. every friendship since i have turned into a stalker because i fear abandoment.
 
Dita85

Dita85

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#38
I am the same with friendships - I had one unhealthily close friendship at school and like you have never found that intensity again. I think that's normal, adult women are not supposed to behave like teenage girls, but sometimes I don't feel like an adult woman!

I have a friend at work who is also a little stalkerish, so we stalk each other and that is working out OK but generally I find friendships hard. I tend to have short-lived, close relationships with people and then they end. There is never a big fight or anything like that, I suppose they just get bored of me. I don't really understand what happens except that I end up feeling very hurt and unwanted and I don't really know what I have done wrong. It is a bit horrible really.

I was actually wondering why you'd chosen the name Bunnyboiler!
 
BPDevil

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#40
I've had obsession to someone for the last 3-4 years, he is older than me so i see him more as a father figure, i split on him a lot, one minute i love him and think he's the most perfect human to exist and the next I'm finding reasons not to trust him and start lashing out, it can get pretty draining at times
 

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