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Does anyone else keep trying to think their way out of depression?

S

SadRainbow

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I noticed recently that I get stuck in loops of thoughts of how to get better. A few weeks ago I came up with lots of ideas, things I was going to do to help myself. I've managed some of them, others I haven't. In any case I'm still very depressed and still thinking thinking thinking... It always comes back to: "I need to find ways to enjoy life."

I haven't enjoyed anything for about six months. So that's not going great. Now I'm thinking "I need to keep myself busy." I'm trying but I actually fairly busy anyway... Sometimes I am at least partially distracted from my misery for a little while, but it always comes back.

Another possible solution is that I need more time not in the role of parent. It's been eating me up, hollowing me out right from the start. I'm a pretty good parent really, but I don't think I can maintain that for much longer. I really need to make better use of the time when my daughter is at school. At the moment I'm mostly sleeping it away. I need to be conscious and doing nice things for myself. So I'm going to have to find a way to get up every morning and stay awake.

Apart from that I don't think there is anything more I can do. I'm taking my meds, I'm seeing the counsellor, I'm getting out nearly every day, I'm staying in touch with friends... And yet I keep thinking and thinking. Looking at my problems, considering ways to tackle them... I keep coming back to the same answers. I should just stop and get on with what I can. So I suppose that's to stop sleeping all my free time away.

Depression makes everything so fucking difficult!!
 
Bod

Bod

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I used to always try and think of a way out of depression and in the end gave up, so I excepted that I will have and suffer from my depression for the rest of my life. With some people they can cope with the meds and maybe feel better in them selfs and others just sadly can not see a way out and do nothing at all, and that just makes us even more depressed as we are on auto pilot it seems like. You are getting out everyday and that really is good your in touch with friends so another good on that, plus with some it depends just what they are getting help off a counsellor/therapist for and that does take a long time for some. Try not to beat your self up so much can and will help you too.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Not anymore. My thoughts (which aren't dysfunctional) don't match with my feelings (which are).
 
B

boblano

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Not anymore. My thoughts (which aren't dysfunctional) don't match with my feelings (which are).
I used to think like that but now I believe my feelings aren't dysfunctional, and that in no way am I even dysfunctioning at all really. It's dissonant to be logical and suddenly feel a conflicting way, wouldn't it be an interesting little exercise to entertain yourself by feeling certain about your feelings being from a logical source?
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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I used to think like that but now I believe my feelings aren't dysfunctional, and that in no way am I even dysfunctioning at all really. It's dissonant to be logical and suddenly feel a conflicting way, wouldn't it be an interesting little exercise to entertain yourself by feeling certain about your feelings being from a logical source?
Yes, it is interesting.

For me, it's because my thought processes are actually mostly logical, wise, articulate and such, but my feelings are just always anxious and depressed, no matter what I'm doing or thinking.
 
B

boblano

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I noticed recently that I get stuck in loops of thoughts of how to get better. A few weeks ago I came up with lots of ideas, things I was going to do to help myself. I've managed some of them, others I haven't. In any case I'm still very depressed and still thinking thinking thinking... It always comes back to: "I need to find ways to enjoy life."

I haven't enjoyed anything for about six months. So that's not going great. Now I'm thinking "I need to keep myself busy." I'm trying but I actually fairly busy anyway... Sometimes I am at least partially distracted from my misery for a little while, but it always comes back.

Another possible solution is that I need more time not in the role of parent. It's been eating me up, hollowing me out right from the start. I'm a pretty good parent really, but I don't think I can maintain that for much longer. I really need to make better use of the time when my daughter is at school. At the moment I'm mostly sleeping it away. I need to be conscious and doing nice things for myself. So I'm going to have to find a way to get up every morning and stay awake.

Apart from that I don't think there is anything more I can do. I'm taking my meds, I'm seeing the counsellor, I'm getting out nearly every day, I'm staying in touch with friends... And yet I keep thinking and thinking. Looking at my problems, considering ways to tackle them... I keep coming back to the same answers. I should just stop and get on with what I can. So I suppose that's to stop sleeping all my free time away.

Depression makes everything so fucking difficult!!
it seems like you have too many responsibilities and you need to split some of those onto other people. I once liked the sound of being involved with many activities but I eventually couldn't keep up with all of them, which really felt disappointing and threw me for a loop. Instead, I've taken a break from over-participation and now I try to be only curious but not significantly attached, to all the different but interesting things that pull me in different directions. when you quiet your mind it's easier to stay focused on what matters the most and it's less overwhelming
 
S

SadRainbow

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it seems like you have too many responsibilities and you need to split some of those onto other people. I once liked the sound of being involved with many activities but I eventually couldn't keep up with all of them, which really felt disappointing and threw me for a loop. Instead, I've taken a break from over-participation and now I try to be only curious but not significantly attached, to all the different but interesting things that pull me in different directions. when you quiet your mind it's easier to stay focused on what matters the most and it's less overwhelming
The main problem is that I am exhausted from being a parent. I was just about on my feet when my daughter reached two years old but then my partner was made redundant, we lost the home we were buying and Covid came along. I nearly got through it all but I had a breakdown in April.
 
S

SadRainbow

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What matters most is looking after my daughter but I'm really struggling with it.
 
B

boblano

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What matters most is looking after my daughter but I'm really struggling with it.
I can relate. I've prioritized looking after other people in my life and it's made my life so much better. When I was barely able to get up upon waking, I thought of the person I needed to care for and it really helped me leave the bed, otherwise I would choose to lay unmoving all day, which, while I accepted it was unproductive, was the only thing I wanted to do. But then I decided I could take care of my child and it got me out of bed.

I think it really helps to think of people-related responsibilities when you feel depressed. Also the other thing is, the more I took care of my child, the less depressed I became, and the better I took care of her. While the transition took tons of effort and felt so difficult at the time, I somehow got out of it even though every nerve in my body was screaming in pain, perhaps.

I have a feeling your intentions to care for your daughter is actually the best starting place. All a person really needs to do about their child is close to nothing, and just sticking around, even that is difficult enough because you have to keep up with it.
 
S

SadRainbow

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I can relate. I've prioritized looking after other people in my life and it's made my life so much better. When I was barely able to get up upon waking, I thought of the person I needed to care for and it really helped me leave the bed, otherwise I would choose to lay unmoving all day, which, while I accepted it was unproductive, was the only thing I wanted to do. But then I decided I could take care of my child and it got me out of bed.

I think it really helps to think of people-related responsibilities when you feel depressed. Also the other thing is, the more I took care of my child, the less depressed I became, and the better I took care of her. While the transition took tons of effort and felt so difficult at the time, I somehow got out of it even though every nerve in my body was screaming in pain, perhaps.

I have a feeling your intentions to care for your daughter is actually the best starting place. All a person really needs to do about their child is close to nothing, and just sticking around, even that is difficult enough because you have to keep up with it.
Thank you. Unfortunately I am utterly exhausted and have been for years now. My pregnancy was tough, the birth was horrible, as a baby my daughter cried all the time and didn't sleep... When she was a few months old a dear friend of mine was murdered... The past 18 months with Covid making life harder, have pushed me that bit too far. My daughter is very active and very social and needs more than I can really provide. And she's still a shit sleeper. I love her more than anything but I don't enjoy her much.
 
B

boblano

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Thank you. Unfortunately I am utterly exhausted and have been for years now. My pregnancy was tough, the birth was horrible, as a baby my daughter cried all the time and didn't sleep... When she was a few months old a dear friend of mine was murdered... The past 18 months with Covid making life harder, have pushed me that bit too far. My daughter is very active and very social and needs more than I can really provide. And she's still a shit sleeper. I love her more than anything but I don't enjoy her much.
I agree, sometimes you're overextended, I think as a young child your daughter needs extra parenting so she doesn't experience problems later on, minimizing those as soon as possible is the best option! you should ask someone who you know can help with this
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Yeah, it doesn't work for depression or anxiety. Even people with great and capable minds cannot just think their way out of these sorts of problems. Lincoln and Churchill come to mind for some reason. I imagine if you told those guys to "just think positive" or something they'd tell you to go away.
 
L

Lucy87x

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N. wales
I can relate to this I go through stages where i overthink and come uo with coping stratergies, other times I cant be bothered and have intrusive thoughts that I am a bad person and deserve pain and other times i just acceot gunna be innpain forever and just laugh through it and grt through just 1 more day and live to make others happy
 
J

justabloke

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I know some of the causes of my mental health issues are environmental. There is a concept in environmental science of environmental resistance which is the pressures each species faces (e.g. predators, loss of habitat). I don't see how this is any different for humans.
The pressures are different (poverty, work, family, legal, other people) but they are still pressures and it is difficult or impossible to avoid them. All that is left is to cope but we are preprogrammed to fight or flight, not to cope over the medium to long-term with constant stress.
 
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