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Does anyone else have this kind of difficulty?



Well-known member
Founding Member
Dec 26, 2007
south London
This is a bit of a tricky one, I'm over the menopause though I'm on HRT but my libido is rather low and so is my energy, all the time. J has a lot of anxiety and to deal with it he either wants sex (he sometimes uses the internet which I don't mind because I know that it is seperate from me) or sometimes he has to cut. Obviously I'd rather he used sex than cutting but I'm too often not up for it because of lack of energy and my own pressures to do other things.
I can't see a solution that will meet both our needs. We know what each others are but sex is still patchy. It's complicated a bit because he now has viagra (totally legit) so he looks forward to using it. I have to say that it has improved things for me too but it doesn't solve my guilt at not being able to join in with him.
As I see it right now I'm going to have to let up on my own pressures, bit already I don't get round to doing things like drawing that I enjoy. If I do that it will improve our relationship because he'll have less tension. Like most couples we differ on what we think are essentials and in J's case I think that gets a bit exagerated because he has Asperger's.
I guess we should just take things as they come.


Former member
It's like that Woody Allen movie - she says that they do it all the time, he says they do it hardly ever, the therapist says how often and they both say 3 times a week. I think though you want to help J because you love him and your libido is low so you are looking at ways round this and that's wonderful. I'm not sure I'd be happy discussing this sort of intimacy on open forum - but that's a personal thing. Any one who's surfing can happen across the forum. Perhaps it would be better to choose someone you get along with and talk about it in pm's? :hug: