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does anyone else have an intense arguement that makes your brain go to mush?

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Pffft

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does anyone else have an intense arguement that makes your brain go to mush?

so when itcomes to telling a close friend you actually cant really remember what was said.. so it sounds like i am pissed off over nothing.. when i have a reason to be
 
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Pffft

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had an arguement with my dad about my bike he is annoyed with me because i bought it brand new and i had a problem starting it... problems with how to use the choke to start it.. anyways the guy told me how to use it and he said i would get used to it.. but the fuel tank has a reserve switch and i waasnt sure whether to turn it off or on or standby when riding it.

so anyways today i tried to start my bike and it was cutting off.. so i was upset and my mam said she would phone the guy i got it off and she said she wouldnt in the end so i did (baring in mind i get so nervous and anxious when doing this so i was proud that i did it) so he basically said keep trying then phone me back if it didnt work.. so i did keep trying. in the end i got so upset telling myself that i was stupid to get a bike that i left it and thought i would wait till tomorrow so dad can help me.

anyways my brother came back and he had a look at it and managed too get it working.. so i went on a ride and loved it.. it was working perfectly!...

my dad came back from work and he asked what i said so i told him then he started having a go at me for not asking about the fuel reserve! i were like what!?!ehh?! i got the problem about starting it solved so why are you like this i then said if you have had a hard day dont take it out on me. he said i was being cheeky and tbh he is right i do get cheeky but thats because its the only way i can vent.. then he started saying why did you have to wait till i was there

i was like whatt??! for the past few weeks you have been great ... compared to normal. finally helping me! so i wanted you to be there to help just incase. he was like exactly! i always have to be there i was like! wow! stupid me for thinking i could rely on you i thought you would feel happy with me feeling i could rely on you

ffs more words were said but thats it summed up
 
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fallen

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Pffft,

I see what you're saying-you felt hurt by what your dad said. Sometimes people say things they really shouldn't in the heat of an argument-they don't really mean it. There might be some truth in it. Your dad might just be tired atm with work and family life-try not to take it to heart.

:hug1:
 
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Pffft

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to be honest fallen everytime we argue he always says i am selfish and everything evolves around me. and its true it does im such a selfish idiot.
 
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fallen

Guest
You're not selfish-that is a myth that comes with the stigma of depression-actually the opposite is true-I know from my own experience. Your dad is being unfair, imho.
Perhaps you could (I think I've suggested this before-excuse me if I've repeated myself, lol)show him that you do care someway-make him a cuppa or something, maybe help as much as you're able with the housework-even ask if he'd like to play a game-something that would show that you do appreciate him.
It's hard for the others in our lives to see what we actually think and feel-tell him it hurts when he says that and explain more about the illness if he doesn't get it.

I'm logging off now-catch up tomorrow if you need to talk.
Take it easy.

:hug1:
 
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Pffft

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he will be back from work at about 10 so hopefully we can talk... looking back fallen i feel as if i were rude to him :( what do i do? just although i feel rude i am still upset that he never listens to me ... i said i get anxious on the phone which is why i get him or my mam to do it for me and he turned round and said that i am not anxious with us (meaning him and mam) and i just thought that he doesnt have a clue.. .does he think i enjoy being limited by anxiety and depression?!... all he said was that if i dont do it then i wont get better ...like wtf.. dont be stupid..
 
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fallen

Guest
Think both of you need to sit down and talk this through. If he's not understanding your depression then if you can explain more to him, the better it should be for both of you.
Don't beat yourself up for what you said-this happens a lot in families! :hug:
 
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Pffft

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thanks fallen i will try not too.. and i will talk to him.. just he keeps comparing me to my brother and sister and i hate it ..because i am not them. when we argue for the past few arguements he says that he has alot on his plate and i tell him that he needs to talk about it.. but he wont.. i keep saying if he doesnt then there is gona be a time where he wont be able to cope but i cant help but know that its my fault with me bringing him down
 
F

fallen

Guest
Yes, I know it's horrid being compared to others-I had that a lot growing up too-it certainly does not help your confidence!!
Sometimes men don't open up too well about their feelings-perhaps he doesn't want to burden you more with his own problems or maybe thinks it would be weird opening up to you as you're his daughter.
It really isn't your fault and I'm sure you're not bringing him down-I'm sure he's got other things going on-his job, perhaps? He's maybe frustrated with himself that he doesn't know what to do to help you or he's not fully understanding what being depressed is doing to you.
If you do speak to him, I hope it goes ok. Just try and be open and gentle on him and hopefully he will respond the same. A good tip is rather than say 'you don't do this/that', try to say 'when you do this, this makes me feel...' or 'I can't handle picking up the phone because it's different speaking to strangers....etc'

Good luck.

:hug:
 
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