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Does anyone else get weird depressed 90's shopping centre nostalgia?

C

CreativeIntrovert

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Joined
Oct 15, 2018
Messages
36
I'm not sure if anyone will be able to relate but I'll write this on here in case.

I tend to feel really weird and depressed/nostalgic in shops, particularly department stores and malls. I had to go to two department stores recently to buy something and I always find going there really triggering. It makes me feel depressed, nostalgic, sad and even disorientated and it made me wonder if other people get this. I think for me it's caused by three things:

1. I miss the feeling that society had in the 90's of (illusory?) optimism. It felt like we'd conquered most of societies' woes and we could just relax and enjoy things now. For most people in the west, standard of living was high, people were educated, had money, jobs were available, salaries were decent and buying things was genuinely promoted as something that would make you feel good. (I know this is a bit of a generalisation but overall I think employment was better in the 90s and people were a lot more optimistic about life than we are now).

2. My mum used to take me shopping in the 90s and early 2000s to treat me to clothes when I was a teenager. This would often be done when I was feeling sad and depressed and worn out from conflicts within my friendship group and worn out from studying. Unfortunately I also think my mum is a narcissist and this was one of her love bombing techniques. She was pretty cold and critical to me as a child and my brother was always mocking me, putting me down, mimicking me and excluding me so these shopping trips were like rare golden times where I felt seen and loved. She also always used to say "When we get ABC then we'll feel XYZ" so I was always looking ahead to a more hopeful future where I thought I'd be be more accepted by my peers, happier, more fulfilled etc.

3. Being in those shops now makes me feel depressed because it's like I can see through the illusion - that no, buying things won't make us happier, that all these cheap plastic stuff is bad for the planet and that physical possessions can never fill the hole caused by attachment trauma and a lack of genuine loving connections in your life. My mum has said to me several times that she 'doesn't know how to love' so I think the shopping trips were a substitute for being loved by my mother, which is probably why I used to feel depressed after them and not know why, and going into these same shops now seems to trigger CPTSD. Also, I'm now in my mid 30s and that 'better more fulfilled future' never materialised despite all of those shopping trips buying things. What I'd really love now is paid work, good friends, genuine love in my life and being part of a community, not more stuff.

I think possibly my reaction falls under C-PTSD, since I've scored as having C-PTSD/PTSD three times with therapists now and am awaiting help for it. I also have diagnoses of clinical depression, GAD, panic disorder and OCD.

Hopefully this makes sense and thanks for reading, it would be great to hear if anyone else can relate to any of this.
 
H

Hopeless wanderer 86

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Oct 7, 2019
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8
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Williams landing, Victoria
I also hate personally going into shopping malls, where as.. I used to love them, magical place. People nowadays have changes, society everything. I feel anxious, overwhelmed and also disorientated to the max... everything is too much.. I choose small marketplaces where I get what I need. Easier and less people and noise!!
 
C

CreativeIntrovert

Active member
Joined
Oct 15, 2018
Messages
36
I also hate personally going into shopping malls, where as.. I used to love them, magical place. People nowadays have changes, society everything. I feel anxious, overwhelmed and also disorientated to the max... everything is too much.. I choose small marketplaces where I get what I need. Easier and less people and noise!!
They did used to feel magical didn't they? I remember that too. I think it's a 90s teenager thing perhaps. Malls and shopping centres were this new exciting thing at the time, they represented wealth, prosperity, abundance, success, happiness etc. In the 80s I remember my family being fairly poor in that we certainly didn't spend a lot of money on possessions, I only had 1 pair of shoes per year etc and most of my clothes were second hand. Then the 90s arrived and it felt so glamorous and like everything was now better and would just keep getting better. In reality, by the time I graduated jobs were being cut and a few years later there was the recession. Suddenly graduates had to count themselves lucky to find a job at all and society had this attitude that we were spoilt brats and should be grateful despite having being conned into doing a degree, getting into debt to find jobs didn't care about your degree so the debt was pointless. It was all very confusing. I think all of this has been a big contributor to my depression.
 
T

TazBurrfoot

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2019
Messages
109
Location
California
Yah, I'm right spot on with your post. You say mum so you maybe outside of the US, but I would say this is a new era that the media hasn't caught onto yet. I really wish our academics were still on TV coming up with a term for this new era.

I'm a kid of the nineties and I remember I was a geeky sort of loving and loved students. The older generation would tell us so long as you went to a good school you would have everything they had a house a car and what have you.

Well, I'm disable and developed my disability at 21. I was still able to work in finance. I went to a great school between 99 and 2003 graduated with a BA in Economics. Well, what I learned is while we were teens the markets and the financiers were having a period of decadence. Think probably Jeffrey Epstein level. With things like World Com and Enron and "Creative Accounting," now defunct it was a way to cook the books.

Then the great recession hit which I don't believe we've recovered from. The stagnant job wages which my sister reports have made a new improvement. But that old era at the end of the Cold War is now met with a new era of Capitalism where it's all about profits.

I don't know if I'm resonating with you but since Bush we have been losing journalists with about a month ago 30,000 journalists losing their job all at once. If you are outside the country, well I don't get news about anything that goes on in the rest of the world. CNN, a once a reputable agency, reports strictly on Trump. And I guess I'm being cynical in thinking it's probably because it's cheep to report on him and the ratings are great. Fine, for business not fine for a person like me who knows America and it's territories have gone through natural disasters as bad as Katrina and I still don't know of those societies have stabilized or if they ever received government assistance.

Oh, and there is no news on the weekends. News is a Monday through Friday Primetime show with the weekend being for recaps. I'm being ironic there, there is probably news all around us but I wouldn't know it because well there are no journalists.

But on a positive note I am Catholic and it helps me to get deeper into the Catholic Faith. In the evenings I do my prayers and pray for people and consider myself part of a world of prayerful people who are coping in these tough times. I call these daily moments my time to reflect with God and the Saints. I buy a big tub of diet coke from the local gas station, smoke some rolling tobacco, cry and pray.

So, I don't know if I'm resonating with you. But the lines we were fed in the nineties as teens was occurring at the same time World Bank and Enron were occurring along with a whole lot of sinful Eighties and Nineties decadence. So, I feel this is a new era now. We are past the cold war era. Great. There was some resolution what is going on no one in power or with capability is addressing so this has yet to be resolved.

What I would tell young people knowing what I know now, is go to an affordable school something public because the so called elite colleges are irrelevant and be sure to major in something with the purpose of getting a license in a field things like nursing, the trades, CPA or something that comes attached to a license. That and keep expectations reasonable.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Mar 9, 2012
Messages
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Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
I feel like that when I see things like pogs (anyone remember them? little round things with pictures on?) or animals of farthing wood stuff or puppy in my pocket

they were my childhood :(
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Messages
19,206
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
i cant edit i went looking for pictures of the pogs i used to collect as a kid:

1571861783561.png

(photo from ebay cause my pogs are long gone)
 
T

TazBurrfoot

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2019
Messages
109
Location
California
I feel like that when I see things like pogs (anyone remember them? little round things with pictures on?) or animals of farthing wood stuff or puppy in my pocket

they were my childhood :(
Pogs were big when I was a kid so we may be the same age. But bigger for me was Magic the Gathering. They have a new version online which is free to play and provides a lot of the old cards. Over time you can pay and get booster packs, but I've been playing for a month now and find I haven't had to invest in it. Although I will probably in the future. So, if you resonate with Magic the Gathering it's still out there and I recommend it online.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Taking a break
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
19,206
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Pogs were big when I was a kid so we may be the same age. But bigger for me was Magic the Gathering. They have a new version online which is free to play and provides a lot of the old cards. Over time you can pay and get booster packs, but I've been playing for a month now and find I haven't had to invest in it. Although I will probably in the future. So, if you resonate with Magic the Gathering it's still out there and I recommend it online.
not familiar with magic the gathering idk what its about

i'm in the uk so maybe it wasnt a big thing here in the 90s idk
 
C

CreativeIntrovert

Active member
Joined
Oct 15, 2018
Messages
36
Yah, I'm right spot on with your post. You say mum so you maybe outside of the US, but I would say this is a new era that the media hasn't caught onto yet. I really wish our academics were still on TV coming up with a term for this new era.

I'm a kid of the nineties and I remember I was a geeky sort of loving and loved students. The older generation would tell us so long as you went to a good school you would have everything they had a house a car and what have you.

Well, I'm disable and developed my disability at 21. I was still able to work in finance. I went to a great school between 99 and 2003 graduated with a BA in Economics. Well, what I learned is while we were teens the markets and the financiers were having a period of decadence. Think probably Jeffrey Epstein level. With things like World Com and Enron and "Creative Accounting," now defunct it was a way to cook the books.

Then the great recession hit which I don't believe we've recovered from. The stagnant job wages which my sister reports have made a new improvement. But that old era at the end of the Cold War is now met with a new era of Capitalism where it's all about profits.

I don't know if I'm resonating with you but since Bush we have been losing journalists with about a month ago 30,000 journalists losing their job all at once. If you are outside the country, well I don't get news about anything that goes on in the rest of the world. CNN, a once a reputable agency, reports strictly on Trump. And I guess I'm being cynical in thinking it's probably because it's cheep to report on him and the ratings are great. Fine, for business not fine for a person like me who knows America and it's territories have gone through natural disasters as bad as Katrina and I still don't know of those societies have stabilized or if they ever received government assistance.

Oh, and there is no news on the weekends. News is a Monday through Friday Primetime show with the weekend being for recaps. I'm being ironic there, there is probably news all around us but I wouldn't know it because well there are no journalists.

But on a positive note I am Catholic and it helps me to get deeper into the Catholic Faith. In the evenings I do my prayers and pray for people and consider myself part of a world of prayerful people who are coping in these tough times. I call these daily moments my time to reflect with God and the Saints. I buy a big tub of diet coke from the local gas station, smoke some rolling tobacco, cry and pray.

So, I don't know if I'm resonating with you. But the lines we were fed in the nineties as teens was occurring at the same time World Bank and Enron were occurring along with a whole lot of sinful Eighties and Nineties decadence. So, I feel this is a new era now. We are past the cold war era. Great. There was some resolution what is going on no one in power or with capability is addressing so this has yet to be resolved.

What I would tell young people knowing what I know now, is go to an affordable school something public because the so called elite colleges are irrelevant and be sure to major in something with the purpose of getting a license in a field things like nursing, the trades, CPA or something that comes attached to a license. That and keep expectations reasonable.

Taz I loved your reply, thanks for replying, you totally get it! I knew someone would but it just depended on whether they saw my post. I suspect it's common amongst people who were teenagers in the 90s, there was such a positive optimistic vibe back then that I've not seen or felt for a long time. One way you can tell is if you watch shows like Friends and Charmed, the characters are always smiling coyly and being sarcastic, because basically they had no real troubles so most young people had this slightly arrogant sarcastic humour, do you remember it too? I remember it well, all the cool kids were sarcastic back then, it's very different now I think.

I like that you have found a good routine and get meaning from your religion. I'm sorry that you're disabled, I sort of am too at the moment with my mental health, but my body is healthy so I'm hoping to get back into some sort of work again soon if I can find something I can manage.

I graduated in 2005 from a 'red brick' university with a degree in languages and not once was I worried about finding work, at the time there were graduate schemes and good jobs and salaries for graduates. But upon graduating, the only job I could get locally was a minimum wage job. I was working with people with little education and I became severely depressed because I knew I'd been lied to and that my degree was almost worthless. I often feel disorientated and gaslighted because a lot of people don't seem to acknowledge this, they blamed us all for being 'entitled' when we graduated rather than acknowledging that we were sold a dream. I totally agree about training in a trade. If I was a teenager now I would train to be a plumber or carpenter or something. I'm too tired now and have some health problems so I can't do that. I feel we were given bad advice but I guess the advice we were given fit the world we grew up in, nobody knew that the world was about to change and get much worse.

Yes, capitalism just seems to have got worse. When I look for jobs, the salaries are so low, they haven't really risen in 10 years and a lot have actually decreased - more responsibility for less pay. As someone with health conditions that can only work part time, this leaves me with such a conundrum because it's very hard to find a part time salary I can live on. I've reduced all of my outgoings as much as possible. I'm hopeful I'll find something soon, I try to live by the phrase 'never give up' and believe there is always a way around obstacles.
 
C

CreativeIntrovert

Active member
Joined
Oct 15, 2018
Messages
36
I don't remember Pogs MidnightPhoenix but I know what you mean about how it feels when you see things from your childhood - it's another trigger of weird bittersweet somewhat depressing nostalgia.
 
C

CreativeIntrovert

Active member
Joined
Oct 15, 2018
Messages
36
This has reminded me, I used to have the Neighbours sticker book, I absolutely loved it haha. You'd buy those packs of stickers from the corner shop and hope and pray Jason Donovan and Kylie would be in the pack so you could complete your sticker book.
 
T

TazBurrfoot

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2019
Messages
109
Location
California
not familiar with magic the gathering idk what its about

i'm in the uk so maybe it wasnt a big thing here in the 90s idk
I lived in London studying abroad and I prefer England to America. At the time this was 2002 right after 9/11. With NHS and just the general cohesiveness of society including the Pub I feel I would get more support there than I do here in the States. Bars in America are almost exclusively for bad people and to go to a bar means you are a bad person and have to act like a bad person. I don't drink anymore, but America really is an isolating place.

America isn't a good place and a lot of Americans are quite unaware and unconcerned with the world. I lived in Southwark which is pronounced Suth Irk (that's the best way phonetically I could write it). And I remember among other things loving Tesco at the time there was nothing like that in America you could find groceries so affordably. Now, we have Walmart which I'm grateful for. I feel it is modeled after Tesco.

In the school most students were Arsenal fans. I've tried to get into soccer but I don't understand the League system. I guess the EPL European Premier League is the major leagues but there are other leagues as well so I don't know how they tie into each other. Nor do I know what the Trophy winning game is called or when it is. I know baseball and the World Series and things like that or NFL and the Superbowl and when those happen. But I don't know when the championships are or what they are called. Otherwise I'd make it a hobby to watch soccer (football).
 
T

TazBurrfoot

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2019
Messages
109
Location
California
Taz I loved your reply, thanks for replying, you totally get it! I knew someone would but it just depended on whether they saw my post. I suspect it's common amongst people who were teenagers in the 90s, there was such a positive optimistic vibe back then that I've not seen or felt for a long time. One way you can tell is if you watch shows like Friends and Charmed, the characters are always smiling coyly and being sarcastic, because basically they had no real troubles so most young people had this slightly arrogant sarcastic humour, do you remember it too? I remember it well, all the cool kids were sarcastic back then, it's very different now I think.

I like that you have found a good routine and get meaning from your religion. I'm sorry that you're disabled, I sort of am too at the moment with my mental health, but my body is healthy so I'm hoping to get back into some sort of work again soon if I can find something I can manage.

I graduated in 2005 from a 'red brick' university with a degree in languages and not once was I worried about finding work, at the time there were graduate schemes and good jobs and salaries for graduates. But upon graduating, the only job I could get locally was a minimum wage job. I was working with people with little education and I became severely depressed because I knew I'd been lied to and that my degree was almost worthless. I often feel disorientated and gaslighted because a lot of people don't seem to acknowledge this, they blamed us all for being 'entitled' when we graduated rather than acknowledging that we were sold a dream. I totally agree about training in a trade. If I was a teenager now I would train to be a plumber or carpenter or something. I'm too tired now and have some health problems so I can't do that. I feel we were given bad advice but I guess the advice we were given fit the world we grew up in, nobody knew that the world was about to change and get much worse.

Yes, capitalism just seems to have got worse. When I look for jobs, the salaries are so low, they haven't really risen in 10 years and a lot have actually decreased - more responsibility for less pay. As someone with health conditions that can only work part time, this leaves me with such a conundrum because it's very hard to find a part time salary I can live on. I've reduced all of my outgoings as much as possible. I'm hopeful I'll find something soon, I try to live by the phrase 'never give up' and believe there is always a way around obstacles.

But, from my experience on a happier end of things I think all of us on here who have family support, a place to hang our hat, and food to eat have the better of it all. I don't envy nor would I want to be in the place of those six figure making people; there definitely comes ethical, moral and maybe even legal sacrifices of the soul that goes into making that money.

I don't know if you remember Arthur Anderson or their controversy, but from my humble experience it is a little bit of a soul sell to that great evil out there if you want to make it in those industries. So, in the grander scheme of things I'm glad God chastised me with my disability rather than get dirty trying to make it with otherwise vain, self-centered, hedonistic and unethical people.

I'm not being cynical corruption is pretty standard and our government is a look the other way form of government.

And then you may be in England but I'm woefully ignorant of Brexit. I'm a Liberal but I would worry about Germany (having had quite a few German friends) being tied to London Markets and I would feel worried about that wonderful NHS. But I guess that would be a Conservative position. Sorry, I'm American this country is North Korea; we get no news outside of America, about America, or otherwise anything that isn't Trump because he plays well on Camera and it sells.
 
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