• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Does anyone else find it hard to ask for help?

Novastars

Novastars

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2021
Messages
527
Location
Scotland
Hello, I joined this forum yesterday because I was feeling very low and depressed and decided that I would ask you -people with experience of mental ill health - for your advice.
What I did instead was responding to other peoples' questions and re-assuring them, which made me escape my own problems for a little while and I felt happy that my comments were taken on board but it's not what I had planned to do. I find it so hard to ask for help for myself. Does anyone else struggle with this as well? And how do you ask for help without feeling that you're bothering people?
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
6,466
Location
A comet
Hello, for me personally, i don't find it difficult to ask for help, either in person or online.
In a place like this forum, i think that people are not bothered or annoyed if you post something, whether it is for help or a question, or an opinion.
 
Novastars

Novastars

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2021
Messages
527
Location
Scotland
Hi Anime-Alchemy, I'm in awe of your asking for help skills and it's good to know that this is a safe space to 'experiment' in. Thanks for your comment.:)
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
3,425
Location
California
Hi Novastars, It is difficult for me to ask for help or explain things that I wish I could at home or in my life. However, I have been able to share things on the forum that feel impossible to get out elsewhere and people have been supportive here. 💗
 
Jolly

Jolly

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
1,571
Location
United Kingdom
I also found it very difficult to ask for help but wasting a lot of years dealing with it my own way apparently was not the right way. I now see a therapist twice a month who is helping me and Ian finding that the wall I built up needs to come down. I am slowly getting there. Working in mental health I knew I was doing things wrong and hiding it now I am not ashamed to ask for help. I wish you luck
 
Novastars

Novastars

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2021
Messages
527
Location
Scotland
Thanks Jolly and Signofthetimes. It's wonderful to read again that this site has such a positive effect on people's mental well being and that you, Jolly have been learning to ask for help . I'm glad I joined. I've done many years in therapy, 1 to 1 and group therapy but at the moment am waiting for the next one to start. What with Covid it takes a lot longer to be seen though. I think my inability to ask for help comes from a feeling of worthlessness. I can't imagine people wanting to listen to me and when they do I talk a few lines about how I feel and then change the subject quickly, before they get bored.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
21,685
Location
England
Hi Novastars,
I'm so glad you've joined us, welcome to the forum.
I hope you settle well, please do when you feel ready ask for help.
Take care
 
Novastars

Novastars

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2021
Messages
527
Location
Scotland
Thanks Mayflower7, that means a lot. :) You take care too.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
6,466
Location
A comet
I hope in time, you won't find it difficult to ask for help. I guess it's easier online perhaps? or maybe not.
 
Novastars

Novastars

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2021
Messages
527
Location
Scotland
I think you're right, it seems easier to be open online so asking for help might be easier too. :)
 
Jolly

Jolly

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
1,571
Location
United Kingdom
Thanks Jolly and Signofthetimes. It's wonderful to read again that this site has such a positive effect on people's mental well being and that you, Jolly have been learning to ask for help . I'm glad I joined. I've done many years in therapy, 1 to 1 and group therapy but at the moment am waiting for the next one to start. What with Covid it takes a lot longer to be seen though. I think my inability to ask for help comes from a feeling of worthlessness. I can't imagine people wanting to listen to me and when they do I talk a few lines about how I feel and then change the subject quickly, before they get bored.
You are welcome it I have had to pay privately to find a therapist due to me knowing them all and working with a consultant psychiatrist. I am lucky to have found one that did not know me and works in a different trust but still lives my area. I do wish you so much luck and there will be light at the end of the day
 
FallingLeaves

FallingLeaves

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 28, 2021
Messages
100
Location
England, UK
Hey @Novastars - welcome :)

Just like you, I find it really hard to open up, ask for help or even just articulate how I'm feeling to people in the real world.

I always feel like I am being a burden, inconveniencing people or otherwise 'causing a fuss' when there doesn't need to be any. I also really don't like the attention all being centred on me in a conversation, which is hard to avoid when you're getting MH treatment.

Personally, I find it much easier to articulate myself here online, in writing. It gives me more time to consider what I'm going to say and artfully craft sentences, rather than words just tumbling out of my mouth.

I really hope you find it helpful being here, like I have done xxx
 
C

Chipotle

Active member
Joined
Jun 13, 2020
Messages
33
Location
UK
I find it hard to ask for help, too. It is because I am scared of the consequences and I am afraid of MH services.

I enjoy helping other people.
 
F

Fulcrum

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jun 25, 2021
Messages
32
Location
Milton Keynes United Kingdom
Novastars.
I did the same. Trying to help others who you think you can offer some fresh insight or perspective was my first impulse. Asking for help is hard and seems selfish or self indulgent. I still haven't. I still can't. I did start a journal and I found it cathartic without feeling guilty. Some people responded and that made me feel good and fake and guilty. BUT it was all different because I acknowledged those responses were freely given. If you want to talk, I'm here. You are not alone.
 
Novastars

Novastars

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2021
Messages
527
Location
Scotland
FallingLeaves, Fulcrum and Chipotle, I'm so sorry that you are also finding it hard to ask for help and I recognise your reasons for it. I too find it easier to think about my feelings (or even trying to make sense of them) before I write them down whereas when I'm in a conversation I don't feel that I have the time to do so, because half the time I've no idea how to articulate what I'm feeling.
FallingLeaves: you're so articulate on here and I like how you've discovered your best way of communicating (besides exactly describing how I feel when asking for help :) )
Chipotle: what are the consequences of asking for help you're scared of, if you don't mind my asking?
Fulcrum: I think it's great that you found a way to vent your thoughts or emotions. Some people are more introspective than others and if writing a journal benefits you, you seem to be one of those introspective people (like me). The problem I find is when you get 'stuck' and have no idea about how to get 'un-stuck'.
I used to believe that asking for help was a sign of weakness, but I now see that that's not correct. It takes a lot of guts to ask for help and I admire people who can do so.
I'm thankful for your responses and validations and I hope that we'll all get a little bit better at it, because I do think that being able to be vulnerable and communicating how we feel will make our lives less of a struggle.
And often I find that people feel quite flattered when you ask them for help. Paraphrasing a quote I once came across: 'if you want people to like you, ask them to do something for you'.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
MissPink Does anyone else think this is rude? Mental Health Experiences 9
M Does anyone else say things in there heads that brings them discomfort Mental Health Experiences 2
C Does anyone else get weird depressed 90's shopping centre nostalgia? Mental Health Experiences 15
S Does anyone else become extremely reckless when drunk? Mental Health Experiences 8
P Does anyone else feel like you're beyond help? Mental Health Experiences 1
L Not sure if anyone else does this... Mental Health Experiences 1
D Does anyone else like being wrapped up tight in a blanket? Mental Health Experiences 18
S Does anyone else connect colors to certain numbers or letters? Mental Health Experiences 24
L does anyone else feel like they have no purpose in life Mental Health Experiences 21
E Does anyone else dread this time of year....? Mental Health Experiences 11
U Does anyone else get emotional when listening to classical music? Or am I just unstable? Mental Health Experiences 10
Gajolene Does anyone else here have Exema Mental Health Experiences 4
Davey Blueeyes Does anyone else have trouble going to bed? Mental Health Experiences 4
P does anyone else struggle to hold on to meaning/truth? Mental Health Experiences 12
J Does anyone have anyone to talk to in the mental health services even if they don't get better? Mental Health Experiences 12
Jrog62 Does anyone understand this statement? Mental Health Experiences 6
J Does anyone suffer from Intrusive thoughts? Mental Health Experiences 8
T Does anyone Know Mental Health Experiences 13
T Does Anyone Realize Mental Health Experiences 5
S Does anyone know what this particular disorder might be ? Mental Health Experiences 1
Ineedhelp2921 Does anyone have any advice for people in their 20s? Mental Health Experiences 20
E Does anyone can relate ? Mental Health Experiences 8
Ineedhelp2921 Does anyone know what this could be? Mental Health Experiences 4
N Does anyone temporarily forget their trauma? Mental Health Experiences 5
Falling_Fixation Does anyone know what this is? Mental Health Experiences 10
Newstartformetoday Does anyone get severe Fasciculations? Mental Health Experiences 5
Midnight.Panda Does anyone ever feel happy but suicidal? Mental Health Experiences 6
E Does Anyone Feel Helped ? Mental Health Experiences 12
B Does anyone have any tips on chilling out after an anxious day please? Mental Health Experiences 9
Z Does anyone suffer from tinnitus I'm at breaking point but scared Mental Health Experiences 8
A does anyone know what’s wrong with me? Mental Health Experiences 2
CarpeDentum Impulse...something or nothing? This is a serious post, although I would not begrudge anyone who laughs as it does sound ridiculous to me too. Mental Health Experiences 2
W does this make sense to anyone? Mental Health Experiences 7
C Does anyone know what I even have? Mental Health Experiences 4
S Does anyone ever get that eery feeling like something bad is going to happen or your own death is near? Mental Health Experiences 6
shaky Briefly Altered Personality - does anyone recognize this? Mental Health Experiences 4
F does anyone get Mental Health Experiences 6
R Can anyone please help, does anyone know of a Complex Needs Unit Closing in a Slough Hospital? Mental Health Experiences 8
Seb1 (was aboveitall) Does Free Will Exist? Mental Health Experiences 18
E How does genetics influence mental illness Mental Health Experiences 2
T What does this mean ? Mental Health Experiences 4
Hello513 Does BPD mean borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder? Mental Health Experiences 7
Amelia2020 Does Incest cause mental illnesses for the offspring? Mental Health Experiences 2
hORIzonFINK210 (Was blog15) What simply existing does to the will power.. Mental Health Experiences 2
S Does NHS treat a bout of depression different to Chronic long term depression? Mental Health Experiences 4
B Narcissist? She does not have all the signs.... Mental Health Experiences 1
H what does a friendship look like? Mental Health Experiences 2
hORIzonFINK210 (Was blog15) Does my world close up to empathy? Mental Health Experiences 1
A How to best deal when a person thinks everything she does is wrong? Mental Health Experiences 1
JessisMe Does Your Therapist Know What He/She is Doing? Mental Health Experiences 15

Similar threads

Top