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Does Anyone Else Feel Like This..

G

Gee93

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Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
58
Location
United Kingdom
I just wanted to ask if anyone else feels like this, where something just feels off and your depressed for no reason. No particular reason to feel like it but you just feel dead inside. Luckily for me, I've got to talk to a counsellor next week and I realized the key it too just fight the demons and make it to the next day. I've self harmed, tried and planned suicide in the past.. but I'm learning how to hold on. I'm now prepared to see my life through to the end, regardless how it ends up. If it ends up happy, fantastic. If I die, fantastic. I'll finally be free from this cruel depressing world, but I will die naturally and hopefully as successful as possible. I really can see why people turn to drugs and alcohol because especially as an adult, the world is a very cruel and negative place. Even more cruel when you have a mental illness, which amplifies it much more and it can even more harder, taking it on sober. Its very a tough life and if you've been through extreme hardships, like alot of us have on this site, then hats off you to you for still being here. I hope life turns around for you in a positive manor and if it doesn't at worst, you'll finally be free one day. For the time been, well done for being strong and seeing out your difficult life, until its natural end.
P.S Its takes character, some people would never understand.
 
CelticTwilight

CelticTwilight

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 5, 2009
Messages
193
Location
Nocturnsville UK
Hi Gee93, evidence of some quality thinking there. Yes I basically agree that this life is a pile of crap for most of us and the last year has only reinforced this for many or woken others up to it for the first time. Members here tend to be the honest ones who can first admit that sort of thing to themselves and then learn to not be embarrassed or guilty about saying such to others regardless of how unfashionable this might be. Sadly it takes time to recognise this is a form of inner strength and courage. Like you I still feel happy for others who can turn their life around or somehow have a little luck here and there. Great that you have taken time to see various forms of escapism for what they are - this is insight and you should value and nurture it in whatever direction you choose or indeed it takes you. The next life, if there is one, might be completely different.

I have been through similar thought processes and come to a similar position around 15 years ago and I am still here. Barring a few relapses (which you shouldn't fear as your progress in the meantime still counts as experience in the long run and will indeed come in useful as you gradually find recoveries easier) I settled for plodding because I do not have the energy required to do anything more about my situation and it wouldn't be gauranteed to work out for me anyway. When I did set about changing my life for the better around the time I hit 30, I found some resistance and this fired me up and wore me out at the same time. I achieved some moderate success and then the relative peace I still have. Although far from perfect I thought to myself 'well this could have turned out a lot worse'.

I had lots of counselling/therapy and most of it was positive and useful. My big problem was stress which led to other problems and regularly wore me out. Lots of vicious circles which I contributed to negatively. My major situations have been caused by other people close to me though. I have largely dealt with the majority of 'stuff' by cutting out the triggers but this has reduced me to a virtual recluse. One positive out of this recently has of course been that I have handled lockdowns with relative ease although what they represent infuriates me but that is a whole subject in itself. I have gradually built simple things up in my home to the point that I find it almost impossible to get bored. I do light exercise almost every day now from turning 50 and I had never done this before even when I played sport regularly. I fill my days with things I want to do, mainly reading and music. I will probably never work again although I haven't completely ruled this out as apart from my medical history I feel as good if not better than at other times in my life. Overall I would say that I have experienced a very gradual improvement taking into account the occasional setback. I do occasionally dread being uprooted again but tend to take one day at a time and absolutely never beat myself up or live my life to please others.
 
G

Gee93

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
58
Location
United Kingdom
Wha
Hi Gee93, evidence of some quality thinking there. Yes I basically agree that this life is a pile of crap for most of us and the last year has only reinforced this for many or woken others up to it for the first time. Members here tend to be the honest ones who can first admit that sort of thing to themselves and then learn to not be embarrassed or guilty about saying such to others regardless of how unfashionable this might be. Sadly it takes time to recognise this is a form of inner strength and courage. Like you I still feel happy for others who can turn their life around or somehow have a little luck here and there. Great that you have taken time to see various forms of escapism for what they are - this is insight and you should value and nurture it in whatever direction you choose or indeed it takes you. The next life, if there is one, might be completely different.

I have been through similar thought processes and come to a similar position around 15 years ago and I am still here. Barring a few relapses (which you shouldn't fear as your progress in the meantime still counts as experience in the long run and will indeed come in useful as you gradually find recoveries easier) I settled for plodding because I do not have the energy required to do anything more about my situation and it wouldn't be gauranteed to work out for me anyway. When I did set about changing my life for the better around the time I hit 30, I found some resistance and this fired me up and wore me out at the same time. I achieved some moderate success and then the relative peace I still have. Although far from perfect I thought to myself 'well this could have turned out a lot worse'.

I had lots of counselling/therapy and most of it was positive and useful. My big problem was stress which led to other problems and regularly wore me out. Lots of vicious circles which I contributed to negatively. My major situations have been caused by other people close to me though. I have largely dealt with the majority of 'stuff' by cutting out the triggers but this has reduced me to a virtual recluse. One positive out of this recently has of course been that I have handled lockdowns with relative ease although what they represent infuriates me but that is a whole subject in itself. I have gradually built simple things up in my home to the point that I find it almost impossible to get bored. I do light exercise almost every day now from turning 50 and I had never done this before even when I played sport regularly. I fill my days with things I want to do, mainly reading and music. I will probably never work again although I haven't completely ruled this out as apart from my medical history I feel as good if not better than at other times in my life. Overall I would say that I have experienced a very gradual improvement taking into account the occasional setback. I do occasionally dread being uprooted again but tend to take one day at a time and absolutely never beat myself up or live my life to please others.
What a powerful post sir, very good read. Thank you for your kind words and I'm a big believer in reincarnation, instead of heaven and hell. I feel like I've been given a bad/unlucky life by chance and I'm hoping the next one is more happier/less complicated. This site has been a brilliant find and really helpful for me. When I've been feeling crap or done something bad, venting has really helped me release some stress.

Well done, good for you turning your life around when you were 30. That never would of happened without your crucial change in mindset/outlook on life. I'm a huge mess, wasted my whole 20's and struggled terribly with jobs (too slow, clumsy and depressed). I've had nearly 3 1/2 years off because I couldn't handle the failure anymore. Nothing more painful than trying your best to fit in (be like everyone else), but failing each and every time. I'm determined to give it another go though. I'm confident after a couple of months of fitness and a positive mindset, I can finally succeed with a job for a couple of years and get revenge on past nobs who looked down on me. Massive challenge though, as you said, very stressful.

Haha join the club mate, I've been reclusive ever since I was a teenager and even more as an adult. My home is like my sanctuary, where I feel safe and away from people. Ironically, it can also be one of the worst places to be mentally, sometimes.

Well done for your self improvement and having fun in your home. I hope it passes the time and makes life more tolerable. If it reduces the depression/stress and its what you enjoy, **** everyone else.

In terms of what you said about major situations caused by people close to you, I can fully relate to that. I've got a cousin who is untrustworthy, on cocaine and weed and used to mentally abuse me/not nice to be around.. and my whole family turns on me and makes me look a monster, for cutting him out my life! Its like okay then, I'll make you all happy by continuing to have him around me and make me unhappy. Its not that I don't like everyone (most people lol), but if your a nice person I might just treat you with abit more respect and keep you around. I put up with him for yearsss and when I finally start to feel good about myself for getting rid of a toxic substance, guilt and my family make me feel extremely bad about it. In the end, he woudn't take a hint so I had no choice but too get nasty on my third attempt to get rid of him. Do I feel guilty about it, of course I do, but I tried the respectful/polite attempts twice before and they didn't work. When your mentally ill like I am, I don't want people like him around me. I don't care if your family, a friend or a stranger.

Abit off topic there mate, I apologize, but you reminded me of a very recent topic. My saying in life is "I'm going down, but how am I going down. Fighting or like a sack of potatoes".
 
Z

ZechariahElijah

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 16, 2021
Messages
192
Location
United States
I just wanted to ask if anyone else feels like this, where something just feels off and your depressed for no reason. No particular reason to feel like it but you just feel dead inside. Luckily for me, I've got to talk to a counsellor next week and I realized the key it too just fight the demons and make it to the next day. I've self harmed, tried and planned suicide in the past.. but I'm learning how to hold on. I'm now prepared to see my life through to the end, regardless how it ends up. If it ends up happy, fantastic. If I die, fantastic. I'll finally be free from this cruel depressing world, but I will die naturally and hopefully as successful as possible. I really can see why people turn to drugs and alcohol because especially as an adult, the world is a very cruel and negative place. Even more cruel when you have a mental illness, which amplifies it much more and it can even more harder, taking it on sober. Its very a tough life and if you've been through extreme hardships, like alot of us have on this site, then hats off you to you for still being here. I hope life turns around for you in a positive manor and if it doesn't at worst, you'll finally be free one day. For the time been, well done for being strong and seeing out your difficult life, until its natural end.
P.S Its takes character, some people would never understand.
I've been through about 4-5 years of feeling off and depressed for no reason. It got really bad the last 2-3 years. It's not a fun feeling, and it takes a lot of effort to fight through to the next day. I seem to have hit on the right meds and have felt pretty good the last few weeks. Still trying to get used to my new normal, but at least I'm on the right track. For me, I know I need to fight through because my family needs me. They give me purpose.
 
G

Gee93

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
58
Location
United Kingdom
I've been through about 4-5 years of feeling off and depressed for no reason. It got really bad the last 2-3 years. It's not a fun feeling, and it takes a lot of effort to fight through to the next day. I seem to have hit on the right meds and have felt pretty good the last few weeks. Still trying to get used to my new normal, but at least I'm on the right track. For me, I know I need to fight through because my family needs me. They give me purpose.
I'm pleased to hear that ZechariahElijah, I'm glad there was a light at the end of the tunnel for you and yes, family is very important. They can stop us from suicide, when shit really hits the fan.
 
CelticTwilight

CelticTwilight

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 5, 2009
Messages
193
Location
Nocturnsville UK
Gee93, thanks, glad it helped some. You may have been slightly off topic re: the relative you mentioned but I have a couple of similar examples and I know exactly where you are coming from. And they do contribute to us not feeling our best or make us feel worse when already down so it is relevant. I have been guilty of giving people too many chances in the past. Experience has now taught me that these types never change. Even worse if you do something nice for them they throw your kindness back in your face, similarly with forgiveness, something they do not appear to understand as it is not something which can be continuously handed out. So three chances, the scumball can't complain really can he. You are well shut by the sound of it.
 
G

Gee93

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
58
Location
United Kingdom
Gee93, thanks, glad it helped some. You may have been slightly off topic re: the relative you mentioned but I have a couple of similar examples and I know exactly where you are coming from. And they do contribute to us not feeling our best or make us feel worse when already down so it is relevant. I have been guilty of giving people too many chances in the past. Experience has now taught me that these types never change. Even worse if you do something nice for them they throw your kindness back in your face, similarly with forgiveness, something they do not appear to understand as it is not something which can be continuously handed out. So three chances, the scumball can't complain really can he. You are well shut by the sound of it.
Exactly, I don't think I'll see him any time soon, hopefully anyway. You can only be nice for so long before people don't take you seriously. My alcoholic dad is next to go as well, I've had enough of his temper tantrums and ruining my night/days too many times, in recent years. He's lost touch with all of his family and now his about lose the only family his got left, good riddance. I'm just basically getting rid of negative family members in recent weeks/months, still a long way to go in terms of growth and self development, but the ball has finally started rolling!
 
CelticTwilight

CelticTwilight

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 5, 2009
Messages
193
Location
Nocturnsville UK
I wish I could find it but I used to have a cartoon I cut out of a newspaper supplement many years ago around the time I was going through a lot of family/in-law argy bargy.

It was two virtually identical pictures side by side.

First picture looked very like one of my rooms; lots of bookcases full of books and also piles of books on tables, chairs and stacked high on the floor and a few curios here and there. Also in the centre of the room was a man being visited by his relatives or friends each looking snootily in a different direction with a speech bubble which read: 'Time for a clearout'.

Second picture just had the room with the single man and all his books and odds and ends - no other people. It still cracks me up to think of it and is kind of where I am at for the last several years. Much much happier in my far from perfect little world. I don't need it to be perfect, I just need space to think, breathe and relax.
 
G

Gee93

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
58
Location
United Kingdom
lol I imagined the pictures perfectly in my head. As a result of getting rid of our family, we're left on our own. Listen, if they were nice people, we woudn't have to get rid of them would we? They'd still be apart of our life and if we feel happier about their absence, we've done something right. People could turn around and say we're horrible for doing it, but they were horrible for making us get rid of them. Like me, you probably put it with it for years, until one day I/you thought enough is enough. Hope all is well Celtic anyway, you've jumped on a few of my posts in recent months. Salute to you sir.
 
CelticTwilight

CelticTwilight

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 5, 2009
Messages
193
Location
Nocturnsville UK
The bottom line is that contrary to popular belief we do not ALL get support from our families. I always offered it automatically but simply ran out of support to give during yet another period of requiring it and not getting it. My only self criticism in response to the point you make about some who may frown upon our 'attitudes' is that I waited so long to act. I knew a long time ago that there were 'issues' with my family in general. After an umpteenth argument at my Grandmother's house one day where she would just quietly repeat: 'You are not listening', she turned to me after everybody else had gone and said to me: 'One day this will be your job'. I was 9 years old lol and I did not understand but after she died and following yet another of those confrontations she visited me in a night time dream and I got it loud and clear with bells and whistles 💡
 
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