- Apr 24, 2019
I think I just need to hear something from someone that’s having the same feelings as I am because it’s all well and good going to a therapist or talking to someone you trust but they all say that there’s this “light” at the end of the tunnel that you just don’t see yet but I think that anyone experiencing these feelings knows that they’re never really going to go away and you just have to learn to live with them. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me but I just want to speak to someone that understands so here’s the background; from the age of about 5/6 I’ve had a string of abuse from people that should’ve loved and protected me, verbal, emotional, physical and sexual abuse and I’m sure that anyone that’s experienced any of these knows that there’s so much to it all that you can never tell someone everything because it was an everyday occurrence. The name calling and constant bullying was second nature to me. I’ve been so badly manipulated that I absolutely hate myself, I think I’m a disgusting human being inside and out. I felt so trapped in my own head that a few months ago I tried to kill myself and it wasn’t an eye opener for me that actually I did want to live and move past everything, I was just angry and upset that it didn’t work and all I think about all day everyday is how I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t need to speak to a helpline because I don’t want help with it and if I was going to do something then no one would stop me but I just want someone who understands. There’s so many thoughts and feelings going on in my head that I don’t know what they are, I can’t explain how I’m feeling because I don’t know, I don’t know how to put it all to words and I just need to know if anyone else feels like that? I’m trapped in my own head.