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Does anyone else experience this?

NyxieKitten

NyxieKitten

Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2020
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9
Location
Lakewood, Ohio
My bipolar was early onset, I was diagnosed at 7 years old, and then 11, and then again at 16 and 23 by different doctors. After finally accepting my diagnoses for myself, I have started researching Bipolar 1 disorder, and honestly its kind of scary? I came to the realization that ALOT of my childhood was mania and VERY vivid dreaming. for some periods of time I could not tell fantasy from reality, i would live in my own little world. I now have a pretty bad identity crisis, I am unsure what was real and hat was psychosis, dreams, or delusions. I feel like I have lost half of my life....is this strange at all?

I have also recently been informed that early onset bipolar typically leads to a duel diagnoses with BPD, which also scares me, I fit it almost to a tee, I almost feel like I got the short end of the stick on mental health to be honest. like I am slipping into a hole as a realize how MUCH of my life this has truly effected.
 
Keesha

Keesha

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Apr 19, 2019
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Diagnosed at 7. That’s early. I suffered mental disorder really early also but didn’t get any treatment for it. I got diagnosed with bipolar as a child also. Not that early but I went through episodes of intense paranoia and social issues as well as some disassociation.

Did any of your family suffer from mental disorder and did you have a traumatic childhood?

Several times in my adult life I’ve considered that I was borderline yet I’m not overly fond of people so have never been the clingy type therefore ruled it out for me. Of course that’s what they have professionals for but even if I got a proper diagnosis there’s no way I’d do group counselling. I can’t.

What plan of action are you considering?
 
NyxieKitten

NyxieKitten

Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Lakewood, Ohio
Did any of your family suffer from mental disorder and did you have a traumatic childhood?

What plan of action are you considering?
+Both my mother and grandmother have Bipolar 1, my childhood was a bit traumatic, alot of abandonment issues as my mother would become manic and leave the state entirely. There where stretches of years i never even heard form her. I ended up being raised by my grandparents as my Dad was not in the picture. My grandfather was rather mentally abusive. I defend him because I feel like he was so used to order that this little ADHD, ODD, Bipolar child that got randomly dropped on him was anything BUT order. But I cannot count how many times he threatened to send me to an inpatient school because I was disorderly.

+Right now I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist, I will be asking her if she shares the opinion with the doctor from the hospital.
 
Keesha

Keesha

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That’s good that you have decided to seek some help for this. It sounds like you have a tough childhood and maybe have some issues you might get help to get resolved. That might make you feel better. I wish you the best of luck in your treatment.
 
F

FiddlyDigits

Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2020
Messages
22
Location
Sandy, UT USA
. . .

psychosis, dreams, or delusions. I feel like I have lost half of my life....is this strange at all?

I have also recently been informed that early onset bipolar typically leads to a duel diagnoses with BPD, which also scares me, I fit it almost to a tee, I almost feel like I got the short end of the stick on mental health to be honest. like I am slipping into a hole as a realize how MUCH of my life this has truly effected.
I'm 46 and am finally accepting my diagnosis after a severe mixed episode that landed me in the hospital. After ten years of denial I felt like I wasted so much time being sick. But my diagnosis also explained my goal seeking behavior and periodic paranoia (people taking notes on me and following me). It does feel like getting the short end of the stick. I am currently studying DBT in hopes that helps me I could have some BPD issues as well.

I don't think it's strange it's just difficult. There is life beyond this. I have a career and a family somehow I make it work. You can too. I suppose it's better to not think you got the short end of the stick. Instead sometimes I think of this as a chance to help others who also suffer. Like we have a purpose and a reason we have issues.

FiddlyDigits
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
3,510
Location
Nashua NH
I read somewhere that on average it takes about ten years for those diagnosed with bipolar to accept their diagnosis. It took me about that long accept my diagnosis too. Looking back at the periods of mania and the delusional and psychotic behavior makes me feel confused and embarrassed. A lot of it involved other people who likely thought I was crazy but most were probably just too polite to say. It makes me sad that i didn’t accept the diagnosis earlier because some of the bizarre behavior and choices might have been prevented. It is very disorienting and also scary to look back at certain parts of your life and realize that they were an extension of delusion and not real. :hug:
 
F

Failing Heart

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
112
Location
Virginia
We are with you! I was diagnosed with ADHD in fourth grade but always knew there was something else going on and not right… I started treating my depression at about 25 and have seen no fewer than four psychiatrists, among other mental health professionals. One thing that my last couple doctors ( the good ones) have told me… Is to try not to put myself in a box by labeling my symptoms. 100% you should seek out the advice of a respected professional psychiatrist… But let them treat your symptoms. I am I guess bipolar two but I also have ADHD symptoms, and borderline symptoms. Don’t fight treatment but speak up if things aren’t right... Like a few others that have commented here… I feel sad that I have been miserable for so much of my life because I was either misdiagnosed or unable to accept the diagnosis. I’m 37 and still trying for the right medication, still learning all the time.
 
L

LoveandPeace

Member
Joined
Apr 16, 2020
Messages
9
Location
USA
+Both my mother and grandmother have Bipolar 1, my childhood was a bit traumatic, alot of abandonment issues as my mother would become manic and leave the state entirely. There where stretches of years i never even heard form her. I ended up being raised by my grandparents as my Dad was not in the picture. My grandfather was rather mentally abusive. I defend him because I feel like he was so used to order that this little ADHD, ODD, Bipolar child that got randomly dropped on him was anything BUT order. But I cannot count how many times he threatened to send me to an inpatient school because I was disorderly.

+Right now I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist, I will be asking her if she shares the opinion with the doctor from the hospital.

I want to tell you have amazing introspection. Your thoughtful. I have fears of having a child and what the pregnacy or even having a stressful job do on my mental state. Its normal to worry. One thing I advise find the right medications. One that puts balance in your life and take steps to be introspective like you are. Maybe journaling and doing an checking in with yourself every so often. Also having support of doctor, therapist, or family and friends.
 
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