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Does anyone actually beat depression?

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TooMuchPain

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It is not my intent to offend anyone. I think lots of people confuse depression with sad. I feel I have suffered my entire life; some days are better than others. The last part of my life has been especially challenging for me. I have lost the ability to concentrate for so long that I feel like I need to learn how to live all over again. There is a movie thread on this forum that I would love to participate in if I could only concentrate long enough to make it through a movie. Just to be clear, it is totally possible to be depressed and watch a movie. Not trying to insult anyone. All our journeys are different. I have been to the hospital demanding help because I was afraid I wouldn't see tomorrow. I have no family or friends. I have lost the ability to have friends. I'm at a point in my life where I'm not even sure I want to try and have friends anymore. Most people are shit. There have been times I have pushed friends away. I'm too fucked up to manage a relationship of any kind. I would also like to point out how thankful I am because my employer seems to be cutting me a lot of slack right now.

I have been on meds, and switched out to different meds. I have self medicated with pot. To me, pot and meds are no different. Ultimately it is still up to me to find and make the changes. There is no magic unicorn drug to take my problems away.

I have been dragging myself through the motions of what I am supposed to do for years and years. The problem is I won't accept my new life. I just can't figure out how because deep down inside that's just not what I want. I have spent a lifetime not wanting to be alone. Alone is all I have, and all I'm going to have. I know I need to accept that and I just don't want to.

Does anyone actually beat depression? The kinda depression that makes you go to the hospital screaming for your life. The kinda depression that puts you on track for having an eating disorder The kinda depression where I literally uncontrollably scream out in pain every day.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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Sounds tough TMP, I feel for you. Have you got an official diagnosis from a psych, and which meds have you tried?
 
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Purpleplum

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There is chronic and acute. Acute is depression is, for instance, when you lost a loved one but you were never depressed previously. This one has a better chance of ending (being beat) than chronic depression which is usually hereditary and usually shows up earlier in life.
 
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TooMuchPain

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I went for an official diagnosis from my therapist years ago. She started it by giving me a test that was multiple choice questions and took me a hour to fill out. She fed it all into the computer and a week later I saw her for the results. I honestly filled out the test with my own options and thoughts. My memory is a little fuzzy but the computer spit out about 10 secondary and 5 primary issues. I'm sure I didn't say that right but I hope it made sense to those who have done this test. The computer was most sure about BPD, some type of depression, some type of anxiety. Life was pretty tough for me back them, hard to concentrate, I have trouble remembering the details. My therapist started to explain to me that lots of other people have it worse than me (It always baffles me why people think I'll feel better knowing others have it worse). She is right, I have never been a victim of human trafficking. Or a prison guard where a coworker pointed a gun at me and threatened my life. She used those examples a lot. She basically accused me of filling out the test wrong because it spit out all the things she didn't agree with. I got upset and told her I didn't want to talk about it anymore. So I kind of had a 3/4 diagnosis a few years ago. I definitely agreed with the BPD when I had the test. Less so now but I feel I should always be careful and practice good mental health to prevent its return.

For depression I took effexor and another one that I can't remember right now. When I took both those I first felt they really worked and I had some real hope. But that fades away about two months later. Then they stop working. I think it was all in my head. I really wanted them to work. I took both for about a year.

I took Seroquel as well. That one was awesome. Looking back I was using it wrong. I used it as the solution when I should have used it as a way to relax so that I could find strength to change my ways so I didn't need Seroquel anymore. The drug dealers, I mean doctors never seem to want you to figure that part out, just keep coming back for the refills.

I know what I need to do. I just need to do it.

Have you ever met someone who could study and pass a test but actually had no understanding of the material? That's me for mental health. A few years ago I started running. I got up to about 30-40k a week. That's a commitment to run that kind of distance each week. I felt great when I started running. Less stressed and optimistic. Eventually the stress still creeps in and things start to fall apart.

There is something more I need than meds or pot or doctors or running. I just can't seem to manage a life where I am happy.

Does anyone actually find happy?

FYI. As much as I would like to keep talking about this, I am at work and need to go get things done.
 
Foxjo

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I wouldn't say happy.
I would say for me I'm stable.

I've been to the bottom (suicide attempts) and clawed my way back up again, out of the pit of depression.
I have suffered on and off since i was 18 (diagnosed) and I am now 45.
I dont believe i will stay stable forever but at the moment i am managing my illness.

Dont ever give up hope of becoming stable, happy is such a subjective emotion.
Keep talking,
Hugs
Fox
 
jajingna

jajingna

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I'm sure it does clear up for many people. It has a way of returning too, even after years of not being there.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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It is not my intent to offend anyone. I think lots of people confuse depression with sad. I feel I have suffered my entire life; some days are better than others. The last part of my life has been especially challenging for me. I have lost the ability to concentrate for so long that I feel like I need to learn how to live all over again. There is a movie thread on this forum that I would love to participate in if I could only concentrate long enough to make it through a movie. Just to be clear, it is totally possible to be depressed and watch a movie. Not trying to insult anyone. All our journeys are different. I have been to the hospital demanding help because I was afraid I wouldn't see tomorrow. I have no family or friends. I have lost the ability to have friends. I'm at a point in my life where I'm not even sure I want to try and have friends anymore. Most people are shit. There have been times I have pushed friends away. I'm too fucked up to manage a relationship of any kind. I would also like to point out how thankful I am because my employer seems to be cutting me a lot of slack right now.

I have been on meds, and switched out to different meds. I have self medicated with pot. To me, pot and meds are no different. Ultimately it is still up to me to find and make the changes. There is no magic unicorn drug to take my problems away.

I have been dragging myself through the motions of what I am supposed to do for years and years. The problem is I won't accept my new life. I just can't figure out how because deep down inside that's just not what I want. I have spent a lifetime not wanting to be alone. Alone is all I have, and all I'm going to have. I know I need to accept that and I just don't want to.

Does anyone actually beat depression? The kinda depression that makes you go to the hospital screaming for your life. The kinda depression that puts you on track for having an eating disorder The kinda depression where I literally uncontrollably scream out in pain every day.
I don’t think we can ever truly “beat” depression. I think it can be managed well or not well. When we are managing our depression well our symptoms moderate and become more tolerable. When we are not managing our symptoms
well we can spiral into crisis. Managing our symptoms well can mean a variety if things and include things like meds, behavior modification and self care and can include people like a psychiatrist, a therapist and family and friends. The more you have in your toolbox to beat depression the better chance you have of staying out or crisis and leading a decent quality of life. xo, j
 
Jam1990

Jam1990

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I wouldn't say happy.
I would say for me I'm stable.

I've been to the bottom (suicide attempts) and clawed my way back up again, out of the pit of depression.
I have suffered on and off since i was 18 (diagnosed) and I am now 45.
I dont believe i will stay stable forever but at the moment i am managing my illness.

Dont ever give up hope of becoming stable, happy is such a subjective emotion.
Keep talking,
Hugs
Fox
That’s exactly how I feel. I’m just grateful to feel stable right now but I wouldn’t say I’m happy. I’ll go through more rough patches and I just hope to be able to find stability when those happen again.
 
M

MYTIMEHASCOME

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I think you can feel better definitely! I don’t know how to describe happy for me I guess it’s just not feeling like I want to end my life which isn’t a very high barrier so as someone else said it’s subjective what happy actually means.

I always feel empty I think it’s the bpd and so I always feel low coz I always feel there’s something missing regardless of what I fill it with, I can’t speak for other people’s experiences of depression but that’s what I feel of it.

I hope you feel better and do get to feel happy :hug:
 
T

TooMuchPain

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I wouldn't say happy.
I would say for me I'm stable.

I've been to the bottom (suicide attempts) and clawed my way back up again, out of the pit of depression.
I have suffered on and off since i was 18 (diagnosed) and I am now 45.
I dont believe i will stay stable forever but at the moment i am managing my illness.

Dont ever give up hope of becoming stable, happy is such a subjective emotion.
Keep talking,
Hugs
Fox
Thanks for that! From my perspective, it always seems like the world treated me like a good nights sleep will solve this. I’m starting to realize how I need to manage this to live my life. I’m not sure there is a cure for my depression. But there is a way to manage it.
 
T

TooMuchPain

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Those are all good points. No cure. Just managing symptoms. I like the thought of managing compared to cure. I’m starting to feel like the cloud is lifting a little. Hopefully I can keep this trend going.
 
T

TooMuchPain

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I think you can feel better definitely! I don’t know how to describe happy for me I guess it’s just not feeling like I want to end my life which isn’t a very high barrier so as someone else said it’s subjective what happy actually means.

I always feel empty I think it’s the bpd and so I always feel low coz I always feel there’s something missing regardless of what I fill it with, I can’t speak for other people’s experiences of depression but that’s what I feel of it.

I hope you feel better and do get to feel happy :hug:
Thanks! And I hear you as well. I have lots of stuff I know I should be able to enjoy. I honestly don’t know why I can’t.
Lately I’ve been trying to wake up every morning with a purpose. I get up a few hours early and make a nice breakfast, take my dog for a walk at a relaxed pace. Take some time to relax my mind. I guess I’m learning the difference between relax and lazy.
I hope you get some relief as well.
 
M

MYTIMEHASCOME

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Thanks! And I hear you as well. I have lots of stuff I know I should be able to enjoy. I honestly don’t know why I can’t.
Lately I’ve been trying to wake up every morning with a purpose. I get up a few hours early and make a nice breakfast, take my dog for a walk at a relaxed pace. Take some time to relax my mind. I guess I’m learning the difference between relax and lazy.
I hope you get some relief as well.
but you shouldn’t beat yourself up if you don’t enjoy stuff you should enjoy that’s depression. I use to enjoy football massively I’d do anything to play it I loved it now I play but I feel like I go through the motions, be kind to yourself you shouldn’t feel like oh I’ve got stuff others would enjoy or I use to enjoy so I can’t be unhappy just be kind to yourself and if you’re having a crappy day then that’s okay it’s a crappy day and a week and a month just take every day one day at a time - I loveeeee dogs 🤗😍
 
T

TooMuchPain

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I’m starting to learn how to actually be kind to myself. Self care is huge for me right now. My dogs self care too.
 
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Mistral

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I was in hospital with depression about 15 years ago. I was on Effexor. They gradually increased the dose over about three or four weeks until I was on the highest dose recommended. I came off all medication about 10 or 11 years ago. People who get through severe depression are almost invisible. They rarely come to forums like this one, they do not go to doctors very often and you rarely see them on TV.

I still sometimes get depressed and there is always the fear of depression becoming debilitating, but to be frank I see depression as something that puts the brakes on me when I start to make bad decisions or when I get afraid of making bad decisions. I regard depression now as part of my life and not something that is external to me. It is not "a thing" that I have to treat separately in a special way. I certainly would not dismiss the possibility of coming through depression and getting to a stage where you will not need any kind of medication, prescribed by a doctor or not.
 
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