Does anybody else feel like this...?

[Jo2512]

Ok so im a carer and also apparently a partner only my girlfriend dissociates so i might as well be alone. I try really hard to understand, ive attended groups, searched for information and even drawn up charts so she can moniter and recognise changes in her behaviour and modify it accordingly.... so why wont she do it?
She dresses and acts like a much younger person and it freaks me out... when she bothers to pay attention to it she can stop it so why is it she doesnt seem to want to?
She has a lot of issues and i feel like im being totally used here, we ve been together for 6 yrs so this is really starting to get to me now. Does anybody have any experiences like mine?

 

[eternaljourney]

Both my partner and I have problems and so we have experience of disassociation from both sides.
I'm thinking that she probably deals with it better sometimes than others because of energy levels and tiredness. Some days she will cope better than others.
I can't comment on your relationship because I don't know you but she probably isn't playing games with you. It sounds like she's having a terrible time.
Your support to her sounds like you really care but it also sounds a bit rigid and strict. Putting a lot of pressure on someone can push them into deeper disassociation.
It's difficult for you too and I think you should find someone professional to talk to yourself, to help you cope with what you and your partner are going through.

Good Luck, Eternal

 

[Jo2512]

Its not that im 'rigid' its that i refuse to bring up her son for her whilst she hides away from life.. He needs her not me and everything she does she does for herself, not her son and definatly not me. I just dont think i can deal with this, everything else thats been an issue for us ive found a way to manage. Ive also had issues and i know some things are really hard to deal with, i just cant get her to either deal with herself or take herself away so all these strange behaviours arent constantly being paraded in front of a 7 yr old.
I understand that i mite come across as hard or rigid in my approach but you must understand i really have tried everything... this is breaking me as i watch her ruin any chance we have at a future, she really really changes. Her 'other' self isnt even interested in me or her own child, infact id go as far to say her other self is straight whilst we are in a same sex relationship. No amount of professional help is gonna stop my heart from breaking.. i understand why she dissociated as a child. I understand how afraid she gets, i understand it all i just cant stop it hurting.

Thank you for taking the time to respond i really appreciate it.

 

[eternaljourney]

My relationship is same sex too, so I understand anything you might want to discuss about that.
You didn't mention a child in your first post, we don't have any children (can't have them, another story) but adding that their is a little person involved I can see how hard you're trying and apologise for saying it sounded rigid.
I think you should definitely get outside help and as soon as possible. You can't do all this on your own.

Best wishes, Eternal X

 

[Jo2512]

I wish outside help was the answer but unfortunately i dont think it is. Ok im gonna try and give you a brief outline as 2 how we got here in the first place.. So we met about 7 yrs ago, at this time my partner was anorexic and abusing drugs and alcohol howeva her real issue was childhood abuse. I had my own place where i lived with my son(who is 10 now) and she lived at home with her parents. We met randomly and became friends, soon after this there was a breakdown in her parents relationship and things were bad for her in the home so i offered to take her and her son in to my place. Soon after this we started a relationship and after lots of conversations were had and it became obvious that she needed prof. help. (She had already spent time as an adolesent in an in patient facility and doesnt have a dissociation disorder in her diagnosis from then or now). So she got help in the form of day services, talking therepies and has attend numorous groups and has also had emdr. Anyway im digressing now, so after living with me for about 18 months she got her own place and i gave up mine to work on this family i thought we could be, during this time from when i met her til a few months ago she has been getting prof. help and ive been trying to put my needs aside to understand and support her in learning about herself. The problem is that she has no motivation to do this for herself and im bloody sick of living this nitemare. We literally go week by week... so 1 week she will be herself, the next week she is totally different and it lasts a week. I mite as well be invisable for this whole time cos its like i dont exist, she talks, dresses, eats, and physically looks different. theres other stuff to but i dont really wanna go in2 it. We both have a child and thats why im at breaking point, i promised myself that i would never make my son live in an unstable environment like myself as a child(my parents we re alcoholics) and thats exactly whats happening!
Its just so bloody confusing!

 

[jamesdean]

You do have to think about yourself and your own health is very important in these situations take care

 

[eternaljourney]

Would you end the relationship, or is love holding you there?Maybe you're so worried about her son?
I think you're right to be worrying about your son. It sounds like you have just become her carer, possibly this is what you were before you started a relationship with her too.
It's always easy to say get out of there but... 'Get out of there!'
She has treatment being offered to her and if you're invisible to her most of the time it'll being doing nothing for your self esteem.
This is a really difficult situation for you, has she been diagnosed with MPD or another personality disorder?

Eternal X

 

[Jo2512]

Yeah get this its PD NOS which is rubbish i mean what can you learn about that!
I feel like just a carer which was fine to start with cos that was what she needed but i think its been taken to far. As for love... well thats the part im trying to figure out now.
you know what, i thought if i did all the right things then she would just see that commitment and in time be able to return some of it. How bloody naive huh!!!

Thanks alot for your responses

 

[eternaljourney]

You need someone to love you just for being you and to need you just because they love being with you.

Hope it's helped a bit to talk anyway.

Take Care, Eternal X