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Does any else feel like me?

L

Lucy87x

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Sep 15, 2021
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239
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N. wales
I have depression which has been amde worse since.my mum died 3 years ago. I have an externally nice life, home, lovely husband, job friends etc but I am very depressed i find even like cleaning the house overwhelming and I have to do 1 room at a time. Like today ive been out to the beach and long drive etc I do drink any alcohol, im watching my weight etc but I feel very low.no matter what im doing and it wont go away a.these thoughts going round and round all from the past ie past mistakes, people who have done me wrong, loved one that have died. I oversleep too to.escape but recently struggling to sleep at night. Is anyone else like me? Indo find aswell when Sep here.I go even worse so maybe its a seasonal think on top of persistent depression? x
 
Racer

Racer

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Aug 14, 2021
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828
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Florida
there are a lot of people like you. i am one of them. sometimes i do not want to live anymore. when i get reall depressed, i like to go outside, get some sun, i think of a few friends that took their life, and i try to feel thankful that i am still here. sounds wierd, but it works for me.
 
T

turnitoffandonagain_again

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May 27, 2020
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1,116
Location
UK
I feel similar. Though I frequently wonder why I _don't_ feel suicidal. I never really come close to that. I guess I must still have hope, at some level. But I really feel like I'm just waiting to die of natural causes. Often when dealing with mental health people I feel like I'm failing some kind of implicit challenge from them, precisely becuase I don't feel in any way actively suicidal (and therefore there must be nothing wrong with me, and I'm thus not a good use of their time).

But this feels like ultra-slow-suicide. All I have are overwhelming unpleasant physical symptoms, that are just unrelenting and make doing almost anything difficult and unpleasant (they are equally bad when I try to sleep or when I'm awake) - have no sense of purpose or motivation at all. The only thing I seem to cling to now is the hope that I'll eventually find an explanation for these decades of physical symptoms.
Seems as if there's nothing they can or will do if you aren't an active danger to yourself or others.
 
T

TreatmentResistant

Member
Joined
Sep 16, 2021
Messages
12
Location
Canada
I'm the same way. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember and struggle to find even one time in my life when I did not feel like this.

When I take a look at my life, it sounds pretty good and I can't find a single thing about it that would cause someone to be depressed. I know there are millions in the world who have it way worse than I do, but it doesn't change how I feel in the slightest.

Unfortunately, it's not something we can control, or even fully understand and the available treatments do not work for everyone.
 
L

Lucy87x

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Sep 15, 2021
Messages
239
Location
N. wales
sorry to hear you have been depressed most of your life can you pinpoint the trigger? Mine was gettinf bullied at the age of 14 caused alotmof anxiety and panic and i think slowly over time with bereavements turned to depression.

Thats the thing wirh depression doesnt discriminate anyone look at some of the celebs. Its an illness just got to do the best we can day by day x
 
SoftRain

SoftRain

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Jun 26, 2016
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sillyville, USA
sorry to hear you have been depressed most of your life can you pinpoint the trigger? Mine was gettinf bullied at the age of 14 caused alotmof anxiety and panic and i think slowly over time with bereavements turned to depression.

Thats the thing wirh depression doesnt discriminate anyone look at some of the celebs. Its an illness just got to do the best we can day by day x
This is something that I hear and it drives me crazy. People who bully scar people for life.
 
J

Jigglypuff Fan

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Jun 26, 2014
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1,329
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Avenue Q in the US
I felt that way right after my mom died too. The thing that set it off for me was different though. The one friend that I talked to almost every day just suddenly stopped talking to me a couple of weeks after my mom died an$ something just snapped inside of me and I just stopped caring about cleaning my apartment mainly because he was the only person to visit me aside from a couple of case workers occasionally and I saw no point in wasting my time. I was somewhat at peace with losing my mom because she was battling cancer for about two years and I had time to process the thought of losing her eventually. But I wasn’t prepared to lose my best friend especially after my mom died. I was extremely depressed and had a hard time explaining what was going on with me and the apartment office saw me as just being lazy without realizing that I wasn’t really cleaning not out of laziness but rather a symptom of being in a very depressed state that I couldn’t even talk myself into vacuuming and they evicted me. I know losing my home should be considered as being a bad thing but I was also living in the same apartment complex as the friend that abandoned me and knowing he would ignore me and act like I didn’t exist every time I walked by him really hurt and made things even worse. After moving away from that place after a couple of years did I slowly began getting back to somewhat normal.
 
Bod

Bod

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I remember I was fine and a very happy boy, and then when I was 10 yrs old I got bullied everyday till I was 16 and also abused by the same school kids and that totally screwed me right up until I got help when I turned 40.
 
L

Lucy87x

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Joined
Sep 15, 2021
Messages
239
Location
N. wales
sorry to jear about your so called friend jigglypuff thay terrible your best friend doing that to you when u needed him the most. Your better of without a friend like that. Im glad you have found more normality you deserve to.be happy x
 
L

Lucy87x

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Joined
Sep 15, 2021
Messages
239
Location
N. wales
wow Bid im.so sorry for.that horrendous experience you went through people can be disgusting and kid can be very cruel. Yourennot alone with taking the pain and scars into uour adulthood I have too its something you dont forget as being a victim of crueltt like that people are telling units not ok to be you but really its about them. Im glad you are getting support now for your trauma 🌠
 
Bod

Bod

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Thank you, I have also started to read a fantastic book called Complex PTSD From Surviving to Thriving and it really is an eye opener.
 
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