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Do you think I should take suspend my studies?

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ngt93

Guest
During the summer I was drugged and sexually assaulted. Unfortunately, it has a huge effect on me mentally and has had a huge impact on my life- despite me telling myself i wouldn't let it. Am in my last year of uni now and am struggling a lot with the work due to a lack of motivation and concentration. I know am not going to do very well this year due to this. I am thinking about asking the uni if I can suspend my course and come back next year and do it. Though am in a bit of a dilemma- if I have no work to try to focus on over the next nine months could that make my mental health a lot worse, but, at the same time, if i stay on the course, i don't think I will get good grades.
 
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Rose19602

Guest
Hi ngt, and :welcome:

I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you. It must be having a huge effect on you....and your studies and you deserve some time and understanding from the university to help you through this.

I'd suggest contacting student services....most uni's have student wellbeing/welfare/support in place and see if you can arrange to speak to someone about how this is affecting you. They may be able to offer ongoing counselling and support or alternatively speak to your lecturers...with your permission....to come up with either concessions or time off, depending on what you decide will work best for you.

Lots of students have problems whilst at uni, and many impact on their mental health. The uni staff will help you, but you need to tell them if you can and recognise that dealing with your feelings is the top priority so that this vile act doesn't continue to affect you adversely.

Keep posting here and let us know how you get on won't you?

take care
x
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Alternatively, if you stop your studies you may never resume them, and you might find ten years down the line that you let this thing that happened to you stop you from a promising academic career. There have been other stories on MHF of people in your situation who had taken a year out, not made progress and ended up not restarting their study, and struggling through on benefits. Wouldn't that be even worse? Would you give your attacker that satisfaction, of knowing that he had derailed your life?

I don't know what you're going through of course, but it seems to me it might be a good idea to get therapy, let the system help you, and at the same time grit your teeth and carry on with the study.
 
N

ngt93

Guest
Thank You.

I have had 2 sessions with a counsellor and what happened has been noted. I probably would get some form of help with the work if I asked for it, though am not sure how much would be acceptable.
 
N

ngt93

Guest
Alternatively, if you stop your studies you may never resume them, and you might find ten years down the line that you let this thing that happened to you stop you from a promising academic career. There have been other stories on MHF of people in your situation who had taken a year out, not made progress and ended up not restarting their study, and struggling through on benefits. Wouldn't that be even worse? Would you give your attacker that satisfaction, of knowing that he had derailed your life?

I don't know what you're going through of course, but it seems to me it might be a good idea to get therapy, let the system help you, and at the same time grit your teeth and carry on with the study.
Yeah you right, that is what am worried about. Though I would be hoping that the time off along with some counselling would help me get back into a better frame of mind and help me get better marks.

It just not knowing whether the time-off would actually help or (as you say) just make things a lot worse.
 
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Helena1

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i took a year off before my last year. i thought it was going to be hard, but it really wasn't that bad. you could do some volunteering or something to fill up your time.
i think if you are passionate about your studies and seen as you have only a year left, i dont think it is too hard to go back.

maybe see what support/ concessions you can get from uni before deciding.
 
RainbowHeartz

RainbowHeartz

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hi

im so sorry to hear that you were sexually assaulted

sending many hugs i wish i could do more

im a survivor of sexual abuse too :hug: your not alone
 
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LadyBetts

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Hello ngt93,

I'm going through a similar situation right now, I have a fear that If I stop going to school I won't be able to get back in or I will let my problems interfere with going back.
I spoke with my University about any groups I can go to or get help from. It's possible your school has similar programs.
They recommended I stay in school and go to a couple of programs.
One of them is the Counseling center they help you with your way of thinking. If school is worrying you they help you talk to your professors.
The second is a Student Success Program Its a group that helps you stay on your academic goals they will work with you.
For me its helping to keep my focus on school instead of my mind while Im there.

If you can, talk with your doctor and get a note explaining you may have some academic troubles due to a health concern and for them to work along with you in order to turn in the work you know you can do. You can make copies and give them to your professors at the beginning of your semesters and they will help you keep up.

I really hope I helped in some way and I hope you are feeling like you have some more options

-Lady Betts
 
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Rose19602

Guest
How did the two counselling sessions go?

Did they make any suggestions as to how to handle things going forward?

I was also wondering whether victim support (via the police if the crime was reported) is available to you.

I know what you mean about seeing your last year through rather than leaving. Maybe if you decide to do this you should talk seriously about concessions and support ..... you should be entitled to it if you can cope with talking to your lecturers about it.

I hope you find a way through this....
x
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Come to think of it, my mother had a serious illness close to exam time and they gave me some consideration and let me resit several exams in my second year. So I would not be surprised if they gave you similar advantages if you tell them what happened and how severely it affected you.
 
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ngt93

Guest
hi

im so sorry to hear that you were sexually assaulted

sending many hugs i wish i could do more

im a survivor of sexual abuse too :hug: your not alone
Thanks.

Sorry to hear about you.

It is really disgusting how common this is.
 
N

ngt93

Guest
Hello ngt93,

I'm going through a similar situation right now, I have a fear that If I stop going to school I won't be able to get back in or I will let my problems interfere with going back.
I spoke with my University about any groups I can go to or get help from. It's possible your school has similar programs.
They recommended I stay in school and go to a couple of programs.
One of them is the Counseling center they help you with your way of thinking. If school is worrying you they help you talk to your professors.
The second is a Student Success Program Its a group that helps you stay on your academic goals they will work with you.
For me its helping to keep my focus on school instead of my mind while Im there.

If you can, talk with your doctor and get a note explaining you may have some academic troubles due to a health concern and for them to work along with you in order to turn in the work you know you can do. You can make copies and give them to your professors at the beginning of your semesters and they will help you keep up.

I really hope I helped in some way and I hope you are feeling like you have some more options

-Lady Betts
Am sure something similar to the counseling centre is available at my uni. That might be the way to go forward- sticking at it and trying a few different things out while at it.

It will be a huge struggle though as I have falling right behind in my work already.

Sorry to hear you have went through something similar.

You post has helped a lot.
 
N

ngt93

Guest
How did the two counselling sessions go?

Did they make any suggestions as to how to handle things going forward?

I was also wondering whether victim support (via the police if the crime was reported) is available to you.

I know what you mean about seeing your last year through rather than leaving. Maybe if you decide to do this you should talk seriously about concessions and support ..... you should be entitled to it if you can cope with talking to your lecturers about it.

I hope you find a way through this....
x
The sessions were ok but it didn't really change my way of thinking.

They asked me what I think I should do to handle the situation- I wasn't really sure.

Victim support from the police is a tricky one as the assault happened in a foreign country. Though am not sure if it really makes a difference as I can just get support here.

I have pressed charges anyway and the investigation is on going but I really can't see anything coming of it.
 
R

Rose19602

Guest
Apologies for the late reply....I'm not on the forum much atm.

The sessions were ok but it didn't really change my way of thinking.

They asked me what I think I should do to handle the situation- I wasn't really sure.
I think I would be unsure too. That's a tough question.

Maybe counselling isn't about coming up with the solution immediately though. Maybe it's about exploring how you feel about the assault, life going forward and the world as a seemingly less safe place? Maybe finding the answer to her question is the end goal after you have learned to express, recognise and handle the emotions surrounding it? Did that question...so early on in the counselling process overface you and make you feel that it was all down to you to resolve....?

I think that the important thing to remember is that it is, ultimately, down to you to find the strength to deal with this, but getting there is a process....and sometimes that process takes a very long time with lots of hurdles to jump on the way. Please remember that counsellors are there to guide you to that point and support you on the way.....don't expect too much of yourself and don't be afraid to say how you feel.

Could you go back and say how that comment made you feel? I think that would be a good starting point perhaps? It might really help if you speak up and say, " I feel like you are trying to get me to resolve this situation and come up with answers already and I just don't think I can." This will tell the counsellor where you are in the process of dealing with what has happened to you perhaps?

Sexual assaults are probably best treated with some kind of therapy IMO. Persist if you can. Therapists and counsellors vary in efficacy and approach and it's hard to find the right one. I would try to find someone who has experience in sexual assault cases / abuse / victim support perhaps. There are probably very common issues and emotions that arise as a result of crimes like this and you need someone who recognises them, helps you understand them and supports you through the justifiable anger / sadness / fear etc.

Victim support from the police is a tricky one as the assault happened in a foreign country. Though am not sure if it really makes a difference as I can just get support here. I have pressed charges anyway and the investigation is on going but I really can't see anything coming of it.
Ah I see! Good for you for pressing charges....it is positive that you recognise that this was a crime against you and not your fault at all. Remember that, whether they charge him or not. You have done the right thing and he was wrong to do this to you. Charging him may or may not help you....what matters most is that you deal with the aftermath and find the right help and support.

Find Rape and sexual assault referral centres services - NHS Choices Maybe google these search terms and find some helplines, then give them a ring and work out where to go from there?

..and keep posting. We care about you and are always here if you need us.
x
 
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