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Do you tell your loved ones about your BPD warning signs?

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BlackDuck

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
7
Location
UK
Hey

I recently lost my fiance. She needed some space and that translated to not seeing or speaking even by text really for a number of weeks. The abandonment and rejection hurt. Hurts. It ended in a way I'm not proud of and a way which means their would be no chance of the relationship Continuing.

In the future I'd like to educate someone in on a serious relationship with about behaviours and warning signs I might be getting into trouble. Delusions, erratic spending, mood swings, obsessive messaging etc

I'm wondering if any of you do this with partners? I'll be honest Im not sure I'll ever find another anyway and I know I should be focusing on me right now but... Need some hope.
 
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Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
2,258
Location
London, ON
Honestly, I think it all comes down to the person you're involved with.

Either they listen and try to understand, or they won't.

All you can do is try.
 
Alarna

Alarna

Member
Joined
Feb 16, 2020
Messages
17
Location
Maccfiled
Hey

I recently lost my fiance. She needed some space and that translated to not seeing or speaking even by text really for a number of weeks. The abandonment and rejection hurt. Hurts. It ended in a way I'm not proud of and a way which means their would be no chance of the relationship Continuing.

In the future I'd like to educate someone in on a serious relationship with about behaviours and warning signs I might be getting into trouble. Delusions, erratic spending, mood swings, obsessive messaging etc

I'm wondering if any of you do this with partners? I'll be honest Im not sure I'll ever find another anyway and I know I should be focusing on me right now but... Need some hope.
I'm the same I'm going to lose my partner soon as I can't controlle me witch I tack out on him but I know ones he is gone I'll never find another him
 
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BlackDuck

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
7
Location
UK
I'm the same I'm going to lose my partner soon as I can't controlle me witch I tack out on him but I know ones he is gone I'll never find another him
Mine actually randomly turned on me. Her own mental health stuff I guess. I'm starting to get angry at how poorly she's treated me to be honest. I deserve better.
 
Alarna

Alarna

Member
Joined
Feb 16, 2020
Messages
17
Location
Maccfiled
As I say we are not safe really to be in love it's too much for people with mental Heath expecelly personality disorder wish u all the best
 
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JWolf

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2020
Messages
21
Location
Argentina
Hi! I find it helpful to discuss with loved ones what I go through but I leave things out. The people I was the most terrified to tell about what I go through were my sisters and specially my mom. I was afraid they wouldn't understand and they would label me as weak or dramatic. But after quitting one job out of nowhere because I had decided to kill myself, and after a month, when my friends made me look for professional help and I decided to keep on living after all. I needed money, and had to come clean with my family so they would understand why I had quit and was still struggling to make a living on my own. I told them about my feelings but not my behaviors. I said I was going through depression and anxiety. That having this disorder basically means being very sensitive and having strong emotions hard to control. That then you act upon your emotions, start or quit things based on how you feel because you just want feel better. I told them about how it was so painful that it had led me thinking about death, but that I was getting treatment and getting better. I never told them, and they are still unaware, about my problematic behaviors, those behaviors you have to cope with negative emotions in an unhealthy way, that work in the short term but take you further away from your long term goals. My family have no idea I drink, smoke, take drugs, binge eat (although they do notice I struggle with weight), spend money carelessly, etc. I don't think they would support those actions and they would also worry too much, and I don't want them to. But bottom line is, you can leave some things you go through out of the conversation, but still share the negative emotions you go through, leading them to understand more when you mess up.

Cheers!
 
J

JWolf

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2020
Messages
21
Location
Argentina
Hey

I recently lost my fiance. She needed some space and that translated to not seeing or speaking even by text really for a number of weeks. The abandonment and rejection hurt. Hurts. It ended in a way I'm not proud of and a way which means their would be no chance of the relationship Continuing.

In the future I'd like to educate someone in on a serious relationship with about behaviours and warning signs I might be getting into trouble. Delusions, erratic spending, mood swings, obsessive messaging etc

I'm wondering if any of you do this with partners? I'll be honest Im not sure I'll ever find another anyway and I know I should be focusing on me right now but... Need some hope.
With partners is different I guess. They get to see first row what you go through. But I just wanted to share that it's possible to have healthy relationships even when you have this disorder. I used to be too emotional with my ex boyfriend, I was over the top jealous and would yell and throw things around when I got mad. Or cry my eyes out and come off as manipulator when I got sad. But after therapy I found it easier to control my actions and being able to step back when I felt upset and asking my bf to sit with me to discuss how something had bothered me, in a civilized and kind way, accepting I might be interpreting things wrong as to feel that way. My relationship changed for the best, it ended because he moved abroad to study, and it was very painful, but I still talk to him and we are friends who even flirt and talk sentimental things every now and then. Then I had a second relationship which was the most healthy. It's not impossible to have sane relationships dealing with bpd.
 
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BlackDuck

Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
7
Location
UK
With partners is different I guess. They get to see first row what you go through. But I just wanted to share that it's possible to have healthy relationships even when you have this disorder. I used to be too emotional with my ex boyfriend, I was over the top jealous and would yell and throw things around when I got mad. Or cry my eyes out and come off as manipulator when I got sad. But after therapy I found it easier to control my actions and being able to step back when I felt upset and asking my bf to sit with me to discuss how something had bothered me, in a civilized and kind way, accepting I might be interpreting things wrong as to feel that way. My relationship changed for the best, it ended because he moved abroad to study, and it was very painful, but I still talk to him and we are friends who even flirt and talk sentimental things every now and then. Then I had a second relationship which was the most healthy. It's not impossible to have sane relationships dealing with bpd.
Which type of therapy helped you most?
 
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EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
2,911
Location
USA
I think he’s picked up on them himself and then taught me what they are lol.
 
Possume

Possume

Member
Joined
Feb 20, 2020
Messages
15
Location
Tasmania
Hi I always told new people in my life about my mental health issues, probably subconsciously to see how they will react, but also it’s who I am . I’m not ashamed that I have mental health issues as it makes me who I am.
I had really toxic relationships with partners, friends and co workers right up to four years ago when I met the most understanding and supportive man.
He incourged me to look at my trigger points which were bad choice in man, bad friendships and my work environment.
So with his help I stopped chasing after the friends that caused me mental issues and gave up my job.
This was all in six months of meting each other.
Since than I have been on the road to recovery as I no longer have three of my most dangerous triggers happening in my life.
So my advice is be proud of your disease and honest about it. If certain people trigger a really bad reaction in you than you have to walk away even though it is hard.
The right partner, friends and co workers are out there for us all we just have to find them.
I’ve always looked at my mental health issues as a battle of war which I had no intentions of losing. I also know that I wouldn’t feed peanuts to someone who is allergic to them so we have triggers so why is it ago for us to stay in a situation that causes a reaction?
 
sad_heart20

sad_heart20

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 20, 2020
Messages
296
Location
USA
excuse grammar

my spouse and i are married 20+ i just dont tell the spouse everything because my spouse got tired of hearing about me and my issues. so i assume the better way for me to deal with it is just to keep it to myself and find a release outlet where i can be private away from the spouse, yet i did felt better once i knew I dealt with it myself alone. its no use explaining to another person when you yourself know the entire issue so i think you are "the answer" that you seek for resolving/overcome this. then you realize you find relief by your own actions and your own decisions.
 
J

JWolf

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2020
Messages
21
Location
Argentina
Which type of therapy helped you most?
Dbt for sure, although cognitive behavioral therapy has helped too. But I gotta say I'm almost certain that what has helped the most has been taking mood stabilizers, because when your emotional responses are milder is easier to react in a better way when you feel bad about something with your partner.
 
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WhySoSerious

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
267
Location
UK
There are two ends of the dialectic here...

Telling them everything<------------------------------------>Telling them nothing

Does it have to be either or? Can it not be telling them some things at the right times? You run the risk of scaring off people if you give them a shopping list of things to watch out for, that is not what a person wants when the relationship is new, fresh and exciting. You could inadvertently give them the message that you are "hard work" and this is not a good message. At the same time if you pretend everything is fine you are likely to be accused (eventually) of "not being the person I met" (or words to that effect).

I would be honest in the early going but don't get too hung up on the detail. Would YOU want to hear "I have delusions, I get impulsive and I have intense moods" a few weeks into a relationship? I wouldn't. You could probably frame it as a "I have a tendency to think and feel a bit more intensely than the average person" and then ease the conversation over time.

That's just an idea, there is no right answer.
 
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