• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Do you have friends?

S

switch

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2015
Messages
46
I don't. Well I have one who I meet for lunch every 3 months, and I know I can't contact her on the phone any time and I'm not welcome at her house.

Having no friends makes me feel like a loser, loner. Outcast from society. Abnormal, unwanted, unloved.

I hate my job but I'm telling myself I need to do it for 10 years to pay the bills and then can do something else. It seems like a prison sentence.

I think having friends provides a buffer from the stresses of life. Spending time with them gives you something to look forward to. I have nothing to look forward to.
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Joined
Aug 18, 2013
Messages
2,192
Location
East of England
Sorry you're feeling so down. I think it's a good question. It's a bit unanswerable though. I guess everyone hopes there are a few people who like them and want to meet up with them/talk to them from time to time and these people are 'friends'. But it's one of those terms that everyone seems to define differently. It's all too easy for it to become defined culturally - as in Facebook 'friends' who aren't really friends at all. I'm not sure I've ever had particularly good friends except in the sense of some people, at different stages of my life, that I've hung out with on social occasions.

Circumstances dictate how you can relate to other people. I am currently in a position where I can offer very little to other people - so my ability to be a 'friend' to anyone else is very limited. I think that may be true of many people on this forum. I don't feel an outcast or a loser though - perhaps a little unlucky.

But no - of course you're not abnormal. You may need more of a social life to simply hang loose and have fun as a contrast to the job you hate - but the people you may be able to do that with are not necessarily 'friends' in the sense of people who actually care about you.

Sorry - my post sounds a bit depressing - but I just wanted to emphasise you are not a 'loser' because you feel you don't have any friends. It's a problem for many of us.
 

MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,044
First of all you aren't a loser at all. There is a common misconception in my opinion that people need a lot of friends to have a complete life, it's not true. The last thing you want is to have a lot of fake friends.

Do you know for sure that you are not welcome at your friends house? Has she actually said it?

You are wanted :hug1:

I know it's not the same but there are a lot of awesome people on this forum and we make great friends :D

Marliee x
 
S

switch

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2015
Messages
46
No she hasn't said that I'm not welcome at her house but she never answers her phone when I ring. So if she doesn't even want to speak to me on the phone I'm sure I'm not welcome at her house. I know her husband doesn't like me aswell. Probably not helped by me turning up at her house when I escaped from the loony bin and she ended up calling the police and ambulance to get me.
 
T

Topcat

Guest
I don't really have friends
I think I deliberately avoid having friends, even if I'd like them, I keep people at arms length. It's easier that way. If I let myself get attached, there's too many bad feelings that ruin the good.
I'm ok with seeing work people, but if one invited me out, I'd probably panic and avoid it, thus never furthering a friendship.

I can't even get being on an anonymous forum right, in my head anyway
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 18, 2013
Messages
2,192
Location
East of England
No she hasn't said that I'm not welcome at her house but she never answers her phone when I ring. So if she doesn't even want to speak to me on the phone I'm sure I'm not welcome at her house. I know her husband doesn't like me aswell. Probably not helped by me turning up at her house when I escaped from the loony bin and she ended up calling the police and ambulance to get me.
I live with someone who has a phobia of answering the phone and for a long time forbade me to answer the phone too. He is a 'hoarder' so although I think I have 'distant' friends, I would never be able to invite them round my house because there would be nowhere for them to sit in comfort and no bed for overnight guests to sleep on. Because of my partner's mental health problems, he hates the idea that I might love my son more than him and he would never allow my son to visit us, so I have to be content with seeing my son for one week a year when I visit him. The point of my post is, never let yourself get into that paranoid train of thought where how people behave is all down to you. It isn't necessarily. You don't know your friend's circumstances. I previously lived with a man who hated me bringing home friends of mine - from my work, for example. I did once and afterwards he spent a lot of time putting my friend down and taking the piss out of her. I resolved to never bring a work colleague home again. The point of my post is...you don't really know. You're putting a negative spin on it but you could be wrong.

And if you were right...is that the sort of friend you need? OK...you put them in a bad situation and they couldn't deal with it...so maybe you now have to deal with it. There is a limit to what you can ask from 'friends'.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
4,585
Location
On a comet
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I decided about a week or so ago that I would be more active on this forum and another forum, plus in that time I have joined a third forum. For me this is have a double benefit.

1) I am able to have support for my problems

2) I get to talk to people and make friends :)

I know that your talking about friends in your area/in person but online friends are equally important. They are there for you when you need them. They help and support you.

If you ever need to talk or need someone to listen, then feel free to send me a PM.

Also if it is just friends in your area that your looking for, then why not try volunteering or joining a club that is of your interest/hobbies.
 
O

one-less

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 13, 2015
Messages
53
I don't. Well I have one who I meet for lunch every 3 months, and I know I can't contact her on the phone any time and I'm not welcome at her house.

Having no friends makes me feel like a loser, loner. Outcast from society. Abnormal, unwanted, unloved.

I hate my job but I'm telling myself I need to do it for 10 years to pay the bills and then can do something else. It seems like a prison sentence.

I think having friends provides a buffer from the stresses of life. Spending time with them gives you something to look forward to. I have nothing to look forward to.
I don't either. Not irl anyway. I do believe online friendships count, but I still remember that is online. Meaning there is distance and it can end at any time with no signs at all which is pretty common.
 
A

anklebiter

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Joined
Jun 7, 2011
Messages
288
Location
Aberdeenshire
I don't have any friends. As an introvert, my thinking, behaviour, wants/needs tend to be different to most people and I come across as quite weird. It bothers me that no one truly cares about me, no one ever calls, my family have abandoned me, and all I can do is accept my differences. It's got easier over time. I used to think people had to be horrible to not have friends, most people who know me say I'm just too nice.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
4,585
Location
On a comet
I don't have any friends. As an introvert, my thinking, behaviour, wants/needs tend to be different to most people and I come across as quite weird. It bothers me that no one truly cares about me, no one ever calls, my family have abandoned me, and all I can do is accept my differences. It's got easier over time. I used to think people had to be horrible to not have friends, most people who know me say I'm just too nice.
Hello anklebiter, it's nice to meet you. I would like to be your friend :)
 
dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

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Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
1,000
Location
australia
I can help you maybe.... understand....


you are sincere about having nobody....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ojHWQrm4UM

it's hard having nobody....

I cannot pretend that I am popular...
truth?
I am not too interested in those I meet...!

and there is always some kind of loneliness...!

....but is there really...?

there are everyone desperate to be comforted by anybody and everyone...

it's ok to be alone....there are some things that are better left alone!

it's ok! James..xxoo
 
dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

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Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
1,000
Location
australia
no I do not have friends...

and I do not want any!

friends cannot be trusted
 
dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
1,000
Location
australia
friends are beyond me

...I have done my best


and it was never enough

it never is enough.!

goodbye...

james and the rest!

I might meet you some other time
 
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