Do you have friends, if not, do you care?

[Astrid]

I have no friends. I don't mean like, I have some friends but they're not "good" friends, I mean I literally do not have one single friend. I like my parents and brothers, and I like my pets. That's it. And really I don't care at all. Most of the things I like to do, I like to do alone. I have had a few friends throughout my life and find they just aren't worth the hassle. But sometimes I do think "geez, I'm in my 20's I'm supposed to be out partying on Saturday night, not sitting around in my pj's, trying to hear the TV over the surround-sound purring of my cats.."

Do you have friends, and if not, does it bother you? My therapist got very hung up on my lack of friends, like it was a big deal to actually not want friends. Does anyone else feel the same way?

 

[jamesdean]

Being out on a saturday night isnt everything if you are comfortable in your pj's with your cats there is no law against it. regards JD

 

[Ponyo]

I have ONE good friend, and he's more of my hubby's friend.

I struggled with this just a couple years ago. I wanted to change myself to fit in better, to be accepted and asked out for fun by workmates and such. I agonized over it. I finally decided (resigned?) to be myself. I cannot act or lie with any conviction. Soo, I have one human friend, BUT I foster dogs, and have 2 of my own, and they are honestly more pleasant to be around.

 

[trombone_babe]

I know lots of people who are sort of friends, if you know what I mean, as I'm a musician and play in several brass bands. My hubby and I don't really have anyone to go out with socially, and as for friends to talk to about things, well they're non-existent! I say that, but in the last week I caught up with an old friend from my school days and he has been really good. He's been through loads himself so he understands. I find that trying to talk to people that haven't experienced mental health problems is useless. Also if people know you have MH problems they get scared, I find. I've been off work for 6 months now and hardly anyone from my work has contacted me.

Does it bother me? Yes it does, a great deal. I feel lonely and abandoned (except for my lovely hubby and my 2 grown up sons )

 

[Lion Heart]

years ago i had so many mates i was always in trouble one way or another,life was so busy i did not even have time to think,they would be knocking at the door before i was even out of bed & then they would be around my house untill i went to bed .

then i become a bit sick after all the drugs caught up with me & most of them buggered off,they was the ones that was just using me so there was no lost there

then i was left with about 5 good mates or thats what i though,as time whent on 1 of these last 5 got really jealous about anything i got or had,it was so unberable that i feel out with him because i could no longer take any more of it,it was a shame & a lost to me because he was an old school mate,he just change so much as he got older.

that left me with 4 mates,then after about a year 1 of them 4 grass me up for something & got me banged up for 6 months so i dropped the fool & was left with only 3

a few years later one of them last 3 stole from my home to feed his drug habit so i told him where to go

now i am only left with 2 mates & i do not care at all,i like it this way.i know they are my true mates,they have never done anything bad to me in 20 years,they have given me stuff for free,they will lend me money if i am in need,they will be there for any reson if i needed them as they have proven to me time & time again .

i would put my life on the line for these 2 mate & they know it.
i love both of them to death

i do not see them everyday,maybe once or twice a week,this suits me down to the ground,i love my own space & i really really injoy my own company

my life is so much better now without the scum around me.

good day all

 

[Op.cit]

It is a common feeling to feel that your friends always have more friends than you do. Usually its true because you are more likely to be friends with some one who has lots of friends than some one with few friends. Perplexingly every one appears to have the same experience. Less perplexing or worrysome when you know why of course.

On a related note Dunbar's number is also interesting.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunbar's_number

Regards,
Op.cit

 

[bebe]

Hi,
If you feel happy within yourself sat in your pj with your cats then that is good you should not feel you have to be out partying on a Saturday night just because everybody else does this you do what makes you happy.
As far as friends are concerned i am a loner i never used to be when i was younger i use to go out and about and have many friends but as the years have gone by and my MI got worse i became a loner me and my partner do not socialise because i guess we have no one to socialise with and the way i am with my illness paranoia does not help.
It is so nice to hear other people's stories on here and know none of us are alone in how we feel or how we are

 

[coraline1664]

Hi

If you are comfortable without friends... then there is no reason why you should make any. I often find that even just one good friend is welcomed by many, but if you are not interested in friends then that is how it is. A good friend is a great thing, but if you are not truly interested in the idea then it would be unfair to try and make one.

Friends do not have to be people to spend all your time with or to go out on a Saturday night. I haven't done that and wouldn't want to even when I was more able to go out. It is all about who you are and what you enjoy, there will always be people with similar interests to you. My time with friends was spent round their houses, listening to music, watching films and chatting, occasionally a friend would drive a few of us to the country and we would go camping...

I do think friends are a good part of wellbeing, but of course only you know what you want. Don't feel like you should have them if you don't want them.

Elizabeth

 

[Astrid]

Good responses, thanks. Interesting to see other's views on the topic. Personally I know if it doesn't matter to me, then it doesn't matter but I don't know, I guess sometimes I wonder if somehow one day 10 or 20 years from now I'll be like "damn, I can't believe I wasted my 20's sitting around by myself watching TV." But I guess that probably won't happen. Hopefully not anyway.

 

[mylife]

i know many peopel but i dont have any friends that i hang around with if i go places its with my family i now have the internt and its my friend i am happy

 

[Willcat]

I have a few acquaintances that I see from time to time but as far as friends go, I have few. More like one good dear friend and that's my girlfriend. She on the other hand has a whole slew of friends. I sometimes wonder if would like to make more of an effort to make some friends.

 

[Adi01]

Thankfully i work with good people. They are just colleagues and one or two maybe shallow friends. If i left tomorrow would they miss me? I have met hundreds of people in my working life and met many wonderful people but in 30 years of work i could only say one person remains a friend. Friendship need working on, like marriage, it can be emotional and stressful but they are incredibily rewarding. Because real friends will always be with you and right now we all need them

 

[lipase]

I do have friends at the moment but I don't see them regularly. I spend most of my time on my own at the moment. I did have friends around where I live now but I'm finding it difficult to tell whether they are still my friends or whether they dislike me too much at the moment...

I prefer being on my own more frequently than being with friends at the mo which I find makes it awkward when people or potential friends ask me what I've been doing. The temptation is to pretend I'm normal lol

It is a common feeling to feel that your friends always have more friends than you do. Usually its true because you are more likely to be friends with some one who has lots of friends than some one with few friends. Perplexingly every one appears to have the same experience. Less perplexing or worrysome when you know why of course.

On a related note Dunbar's number is also interesting.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunbar's_number

Regards,
Op.cit

That Dunbars number thing is interesting, particularly the comparisons between his results and 'hunter-gatherer' groups of people.

 

[lipase]

When I was a kid I always fantasized about being a hermit

 

[FlowerPainting]

My brother is very frustrated with me because I have few friends. What I have tended to do is look for a relationship instead of friendships, and whilst I am with the person in the relationship, they become my social life. Then, when the relationship doesn't work (i.e the ones in my past) I have just gone back to being alone.

This year I am really trying to make and maintain friendships, I have made efforts to join a group, and I use positive affirmations like "I have friends, positive friends are in my life". So I fully expect my friendships to improve!