do you feel ashamed for having to live on benefits ?

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Coolname

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Mate, i wouldn't still be alive if i lived in the US. As George Carlin said "it's called the American dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it".

If it's all their fault, then a person's problems become all the more easy to ignore. The individual responsibility (or social Darwinism as it used to be called) is a paradox. In making people take responsibility for everything themselves, we in turn relieve ourselves of more and more responsibility for others and the society from which we have benefited.
True. If it is that person's fault then they kick up less of a fuss, reserve most of their anger for themselves. Your society telling you your lack of wealth / health / happiness is entirely your fault has the expected impact on mental health.

I am conscious I have hijacked this thread so to get back on topic: When I was younger my MH stopped me working or functioning at all too often. The same person who absolutely relied on the state then is a taxpayer now. I see nothing to be ashamed of in needing support, even if it is for life.

Last bit of politics: From each according to his abilities, to each according to his need.
 
B

Blooper

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Wow! I'm fighting this struggle within myself right now. Knowing I've been unable to work for some years now and trying every year to be able to come off what you guys call benefits and feeling so lousy knowing that I haven't been able to. It makes me feel like a complete failure. And I might have to face the possibility that I might not ever be able to support myself financially on my own and it's really difficult to face.
 
fazza

fazza

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But a lot the girl disappears
Maybe for some. Depends on the relationship. Met my wife when broke 17 years of benefits and still together. I recently ended my esa and pip claim as i had started to work. I have now stopped work and restarting my claims.

Is that ok with you rambo??????
 
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ramboghettouk

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Maybe for some. Depends on the relationship. Met my wife when broke 17 years of benefits and still together. I recently ended my esa and pip claim as i had started to work. I have now stopped work and restarting my claims.

Is that ok with you rambo??????
No problem wish you the best
 
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Ozymandias

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I'm not sure that I'd use the word 'ashamed' as I don't really see that I've got anything to be ashamed about - I've got a pretty much life-long illness (as my head started to go 'wrong' at an early age, long before adulthood), that isn't 'self-inflicted' in any way... shit happens to some people, and I'm one of those people. However, I do feel like a lesser person, and the anti-benefits narrative that became part of the post-financial crisis political landscape and has endured ever since (if you didn't know otherwise, you could believe that it was people on welfare who crashed Western economies... we've certainly been turned into scapegoats for what happened, that's for sure) has become part of that feeling.

Benefit porn television programs don't help, with their highly selective individual portrayals (i.e. poorly educated, barely/never worked, several kids), repeated over and over again, specifically designed to make the easily-led believe that everyone on benefits is the same. It's basically DWP propaganda, crossed with tabloid newspaper style 'let's wind up our readerships!' sensationalism, dressed up as documentary/serious TV.

I feel a lot worse about my situation today though (which is probably why I've felt compelled to write here), because yesterday evening I found out that I've got to move home, and one thing that's really made me feel like shit for being a welfare claimant is the attitude of private landlords towards people who claim housing benefit. The last time I had to move, I remember going into a lettings agency in Leicester (which is where I lived at the time, and hardly an outpost of affluence) and enquiring about 1-bedroom places. The person I'd approached first said that she'd show me the relevant listings, but as soon as I added that I'm on HB she said that she didn't have anything.

Other than the times I've been rejected romantically, I don't think I've ever felt like such a piece of shit in my whole life... it really was absolutely humiliating. I wanted to kick off, but I had a friend with me and not wanting to embarrass her enabled me to hold my temper.

Several years ago I passed a couple of lettings agencies in my local high street (Hounslow, which is even less any bastion of affluence than Leicester, although right now they're building a load of yuppie flats... sorry, 'apartments' - no doubt with a few 'penthouses' at the tops - in an effort to gentrify the place), and one had a piece of paper saying 'No DSS' in the window (ignorant fucks... it's not even called DSS any more). Such blatant discrimination against any other demographic like that - literally, any other - is (rightly, in my opinion) illegal; it harks back to the infamous 'no blacks or Irish' signs. Fine to discriminate that way against us though... best proof I've seen that the Tories' Nazi-esqe attempts to portray benefit claimants as modern-day untermensch has succeeded.

This is why the whole personal responsibility fetish exists these days.
Fetish... excellent choice of word there, because 'personal responsibility' is a concept which has been fetishised this last decade or so in Britain. I honestly don't recall anyone using it before about 2010, but now every gobshite who parrots buzz-phrases, in lieu of having the brains to think for themselves rather than just latch onto whatever's popular at the time, seems to be spewing it.

When I was looking at housing information on my local council website last night, I saw it explicitly stated that HB is usually paid to the tenant so that they can "take responsibility" for paying their rent. What an absolute load of sanctimonious, patronising shite!

however you feel about been on benefits you won't get the girl by been on benefits
Rightly or wrongly, that's pretty much how I feel... several times recently I've had people 'encourage' me to approach someone, and - put on the spot - pretty much the first thing which came to mind on these occasions was that there'd be no point because nobody would want someone in my situation.

It wasn't the only reason, in fairness - and it's also true that, even when I worked full time, women didn't want me (and I could think of various reasons as to why) - but it doesn't help.

The way I see it, the knowledge is only going to make someone think the same or less of you than they did before they were aware of it - it's never going to make you more appealing to anyone.

Although... one of my remaining close friends, who is usually pragmatic to the point of being irritating at best and downright depressing at worst, said to me a few months ago that my situation does offer something positive in the sense that not being perpetually drained and thoroughly miserable from having to work full time means that I've got plenty of time and energy to invest in a relationship, which is actually true.

The other side of the coin is adopting the cultural approach of the US. If you ain't rich, it is your fault, you are flawed and have no right to question the 'winners', despite the game being rigged from the start.
I think the way in which Britain has guzzled down that political Kool-Aid these last few years has been one of the most depressing changes of national mood that I've ever experienced in my lifetime (the rising tide of English nationalism/white supremacy is also pretty repugnant... just another form of scapegoating 'Other' people, driven by the wealthy interests who are trying to distract everyone from the fact that they are the real reason that there's less to go round for the rest of us). The 'winners' aren't 'geniuses' who are fully deserving of the spoils, because the 'game' is so rigged.

The best metaphor for this that I've seen uses a game of Monopoly... it's as though one player gets to start with all of the properties on the expensive half of the board, complete with houses on each, and simultaneously holds the bank's wealth as their own, while the rest begin as normal (i.e. no property, and a bit of money from the bank). In that situation you wouldn't 'blame' any of the 'poor' five for not winning - if any of them did somehow win you'd say that the person who started the game with a massive advantage must have been an idiot for somehow losing everything - and yet that's how the American (and, increasingly, the entire Anglophone world's) political systems treat life's 'losers'.
 
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Coolname

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Those who benefit from the system control the mass media and therefore the narrative, that is why the non-corporate areas of the internet are painted as a threat that must be controlled (by those same people). Those same people grab every subsidy they can and shout for more. Hypocrisy incarnate. Some people buy into the narrative because they think they 'deserve' wealth and will obtain it. Some willingly buy into the narrative because it is nice to feel superior. If your self esteem is ropey, which is most people by design, it is nice to have someone else to blame. Some people just like having someone to kick. No doubt there are various other reasons too.
 
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indigo6

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I do and I dont. It depends on who. I have neighbours who think theyre landed gentry. Ive had and lost friends who work and love money and hols and new cars and have brought children up and Im 99% sure think I need to pull myself together and snap out of it. Im a scrounging loser to them. Then I have a friend who struggles with mh and barely scrapes by, she can only claim if she dissolves her work from home business which pays her less money than if she claimed. She doesnt think badly of me, she is similar.
The people who think badly have maybe never seen no support, no one to turn to, no way of paying for shelter and food. Ive worked and paid taxes. I dont begrudge a single penny on peoples health. The protesters are in another world. Stupid for a start-who wants to be as close to poverty as this?? Seriously.
Ive known them personally and yes they have got to me but I shouldnt be ashamed. This is how I am.
 
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ramboghettouk

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i've been putting on weight so i decided to be a good community care patient and wonder the street, passed the builders felt they were making comments, i guess so what, psychiatrists would call it a symptom, maybe their right why get uptight about it? i've had this condition practically all my adult life

and i still remember the builder who was brought into highcroft
 
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Jules5

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Today I felt horrible being on benefits-just one of those bad days. Usually I am grateful and never fret-just a bad day I say.
 
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ramboghettouk

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we all have bad days and with a no deal brexit likely to effect the poor in britain disproportionally, i'm going to have more of them

they say don't worry but worrying can see to it you've got the support in the background when that form comes, you have 4 weeks 1 lost already in the post and 1 to post it back
 
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