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Do you "fake" even with your family ?

M

ManDss

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I have my parents and 1 sister. I fake around any people, but also think is kinda f'ed up I fake even with my family.

I mean, Im not me in front of them. I pretend to be someone else, an image that I developed in time.

With my mother its different story, she had a stroke long time ago, so she cant "understand" certain things, so fake its necesary.

At the same, Im more real with her than with my father or sister (which I dont have a great relationship, with my mother also dont have a great relationship sometimes, with her I pass from pure love to deep hate).

But with my father, long story, but he just doesnt know me, he doesnt know my personality.

But he is bad reading people in general, he also "doesnt know" my sister..., or my mother, or his own grandmother. He was raised very "dull", and square minded. He even doesnt know himself !! Such a neurotic man. Anyway.

With my sister, older, we never were close, she always like to fight, she was super crapricious a kid (Im 28, she is 31, or 32). Then we got very different, everyone by their own, and I had such perdonality problems, we never interact being "real".

Now we are older and we tried to get closer (without saying it out loud), mostly when my niece borned. But I have my depression troubles, she see that Im not good, but she see doesnt understand some things, she gets mad with me, like it bothers her what I do with my life. She is in the whole hippy thing, all natural, the goverment is bad, TV tries to control you, sciene isnt so good, and Im all opposite. So talk with her is like talk with a wall.

I havent talk with her in long months, 4, or 5, maybe 6 or 7, or more.

Feel bad because my niece (6) wants to talk wlth me, but I just avoid my sister.
 
J

JeanPierre

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Might you manage a relationship with your niece?
It would mean the world to her.
I think we all are fake around family we don't like very much.
 
M

ManDss

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Argentina
Might you manage a relationship with your niece?
It would mean the world to her.
I think we all are fake around family we don't like very much.
The other day I saw my niece texted me by the phone of my sister, just emojis, some rainbowns and unicorns, just saw the message (wihout open), and made my heart cry.

Some I say, to myself, jokely "well, when she turns 18 Ill see her". They live in other country, but not super far from me, border countries.

I know I should talk with her. My father tells me "cant believe how cold you are, do u really feel nothing for your niece ? Or want to see her ?".

Another of those momments my father just dont have a clue of who Iam.

Thanks for read me 😉
 
J

JeanPierre

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The other day I saw my niece texted me by the phone of my sister, just emojis, some rainbowns and unicorns, just saw the message (wihout open), and made my heart cry.

Some I say, to myself, jokely "well, when she turns 18 Ill see her". They live in other country, but not super far from me, border countries.

I know I should talk with her. My father tells me "cant believe how cold you are, do u really feel nothing for your niece ? Or want to see her ?".

Another of those momments my father just dont have a clue of who Iam.

Thanks for read me 😉
Maybe forget what your father thinks.
Maybe you could send an emoji or message since it's her mother's phone.
I get the impression she doesn't have a father available; she obviously loves you!
 
M

ManDss

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Maybe forget what your father thinks.
Maybe you could send an emoji or message since it's her mother's phone.
I get the impression she doesn't have a father available; she obviously loves you!
I dont "care" what my father thinks. I just say its strange how bad he is at understanding people. Its a long story.

I manage about my niece.

About my niece's father. He is pretty available. The 3 live together. The man works but then he is at home, and have a good relationship.
 
S

StillDepressed

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Jan 28, 2021
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UK
I fake around my Family whenever I see them.

With my
Dad, we just concentrate on any common interests to avoid anything that is real.
Mum, She was my rock during 2 crisis times, but for the past few years she is struggling with her own depression, so we have to fake it otherwise we would just drag each other down
Sister 1, We have drifted apart and only see each other very occasionally at another family members house. No contact in between and now I'm as anxious with her as I am with a complete stranger yet she says we are close and although we don't see each other often when we do it's like we have never been apart
Sister 2, She's great and really tries with everyone, but she doesn't have the depressive gene me, mum and sister 3 have so doesn't understand. But before lockdown I was closer to her than anyone else
Sister 3, Me and her have an unwritten rule not to discuss what we feel, that's a rabbit hole. We occasionally discuss and compare notes on medication and therapies.
Brother, He is a lot younger than me and my sisters and I'm probably more like an embarrassing uncle than brother to him. We discuss his future and not me and I hope above anything else he has not got the depressive gene (17 now and I remain hopeful he hasn't)

Not seen any of them since July. 4 Weeks exactly since last speaking to Mum, Dad and Brother on the phone. Sister 3 is the only other one I have spoke to in 2021.

Before lock down I regularly looked after Sister 3 Son 4 who only 12 (and acts younger) clearly does have the depressive gene (son 2 and 3 probably do too), but 4 is severely anxious and has very much the same autistic genes I do, so i'm trying not to fake around him to show it can be OK, but then realise that is fake because I'm 25 years older and it still hasn't got any better.

Sorry for hijacking your thread, I just started typing and it wouldn't stop.

I wouldn't worry that you fake around your family, usually its because their opinion matters more.
If I was you I would try to spend time with your niece without your sister.
 
J

JeanPierre

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I dont "care" what my father thinks. I just say its strange how bad he is at understanding people. Its a long story.

I manage about my niece.

About my niece's father. He is pretty available. The 3 live together. The man works but then he is at home, and have a good relationship.
That's so awesome!
 
M

ManDss

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Apr 22, 2018
Messages
826
Location
Argentina
Sorry for hijacking your thread, I just started typing and it wouldn't stop.

I wouldn't worry that you fake around your family, usually its because their opinion matters more.
If I was you I would try to spend time with your niece without your sister.
Its ok, I enjoyed reading your post. Was funny how you named Sister 1, sister 2, etc. I made this topic to read other experiences.
 

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