I do... increasingly less so in recent years as it becomes harder to believe that it's possible for me to find someone, but the longing lingers. It's come back a bit in recent months, I think because of my mother's passing and the fact that's left me with no remaining close family... despite being fortunate enough to have friends, I nevertheless feel very isolated in the world. I guess that's because everyone who loved me is now gone.
I'm
really not prepared to try and date though... I just think it's horrible; it reduces you to a material checklist. That's not how I want to evaluate people, nor how I want them to evaluate me. My only long term relationship grew out of a close friendship... I think that's the only way I'll ever enter into another one.
Yes I do massively. Im 44 and after a 7 year relationship broke my heart and ended at the age of 26 Ive mainly been single. I never for one moment expected to get to 44 and still be single with no kids. Sometimes I crave that connection and loving contact. I can feel incredibly lonely. I dont know how something thats so natural to others hasnt come along as easily to me.
I feel a lot of parallels with your situation... I'm 42 now, broke up with my ex of five years when I was 27, and haven't been with anyone else since. Honestly though I'm not completely surprised to still be single now as I always struggled with this aspect of life, and having no children doesn't bother me because I never wanted kids.
Your final sentence perfectly encapsulated how I feel... I would never try to claim that I'm some incredible catch, and I have my issues (hence why I'm on this forum), but I was a good partner to my ex - we remain friends to this day - and I'm an affectionate person. Also, while I'm not physically tall or handsome, I'm still in decent shape and reasonably fit. Far worse men than myself seem to have no problem going from one relationship to another despite being pieces of shit, like the partner of a friend of mine who's had five kids with as many different women despite being a cokehead football hooligan who tried to set fire to a houseboat knowing two people were on it. When I once had the pleasure of speaking to him he openly admitted to me about being banned from Leeds United's ground, and every pub in Leeds and York... I've wondered whether he was trying to intimidate me, but he sounded more proud than threatening. To be fair, I think it's the closest he's come to achieving something of note.
As the years have passed numerous other friends of mine have had relationships end, struggled for a little while, but then found someone else within several months with few outside signs of any great drama. One now former friend texted a happy birthday message to an acquaintance - a former uni housemate of her ex - that turned into a long conversation... they arranged to meet up in person, and got together pretty much straightaway. How does it just fall into some people's laps like that? That being said, this woman is blonde, blue-eyed, pretty, willowy, still in her twenties... I've got the blue eyes, but that's it.
I hope that things change for you.
