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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Do people care? Will I run? Will I do it?

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TOONAFISH

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Nov 23, 2008
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Bonnie Scotland
I asked to be discharged from hosp. I am now at the point where i am unable to function at a normal level without feeling completely overwhelmed.

I seem so calm on the outside, but inside it is like my head is screaming at me to do terrible things. I am suffering from paranoia, intrusive thoughts, internal rage, i have visions of what i'd like to do to myself and feel like i can prove to the world if i do it that "this is how bad i felt" and let them know how disappointed i am that no one could or would help me. why am i feeling this way?

Is any of this normal, should i be back in hospital? I love my family, but at the same time, feel like packing a bag, cleaning out the bank account and running, to where i dont know, just away from here. Not dead, just not here.

Is suicide an option, would it be to selfish, probably. yes it would. i dont watn to die, i just want to be free from these twisted images and thoughts.

will someone please talk to me, im really struggling this evening. please. x
 
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TOONAFISH

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Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
2,686
Location
Bonnie Scotland
i dont feel depressed to comit suicide, i feel angry enough tho
 
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starfish

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Joined
Oct 15, 2009
Messages
655
Location
country cottage
i understand exactly how you feel. i suffer with depression, and my husband is also suffering with depression. he is waiting for heart surgery.we both are non-functioning for all of the day,only feeling better in the evening. i have in the past months felt like throwing a few things in a bag and just set out walking and then what? i dont know. but because my hubby is reliant on me i cant.the only answer i have to all this is hang in there, get as much help as you can, try using some distraction therapy, (i read novels) get lots of rest and try to eat regularly and get some fresh air every day. i hope you can feel better soon.
 
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mad as a hatter

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Jul 23, 2008
Messages
2,167
Location
scotland
i understand 2 how ur feeling right now but i,ve ran away so many times and i,ve only ever harmed myself with taking tablets and at the end off it all u got 2 come bk and face things and it,s doubly harder 2 deal with 2 maybe u wasn,t ready 2 come out off hospital yet
 
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teddybear2067

Active member
Joined
Oct 10, 2009
Messages
30
Location
UK
We've all been there, Toonafish, we all know exactly how you're feeling. In regards to whether you should stay in the hospital, it's up to you. Personally, I don't feel that the hospital helped me. Us bipolar folk don't do well under the restrictions, and the only way for us to deal with the disorder is to spend time alone thinking, and talking to other people who have bipolar. Not some shrinks with a degree in psychology - they will never know what you're going through. That said, if you seriously think you could actually do something terribly reckless, the hospital may be a good safe house for you right now.
The best bit of advice I can give you is: find some meds that work for you and stay on them. I stayed on my meds for 4 years and I am unbelievably grateful to them. They will help you to stay stable (maybe not completely, but enough) so that you can take the time to learn more about your condition. It takes years to be fully aware and to accept the disease, but it will happen for you.
You're going through a very painful time right now, and I remember so well what that feels like. But I speak with experience, and I know that you will find a way to deal with the disorder and get back to your life. Bipolar is a part of you. It is part of all of us. And we are all great people when we are at our best.
Good luck xx
 
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DELATEXT

Guest
Been there, know how angry and frustrated you feel !!
Please do not do anything rash !!
Can you talk to your medical team to make them understand how you are feeling ??
you need help to deal with this ??
It is terrible to have that "flight" feeling, you just want to run, run and flee !!
hope you can speak to someone and get assistance..
 
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TOONAFISH

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Nov 23, 2008
Messages
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Location
Bonnie Scotland
hi guys

have been awake since 3. my thoughts are a jubbled mess, cant even think straight and typing is a nigtmare.:drool:

i think im actually going mad? is this possible. it is so hard to describe. im playing out suicide in my head, but im not depressed. i have felt suicidal before but i was so v depressed it was like the only option.

just now it just seems like an option as much as oh i could have a cup of tea, or oh i could commit suicide.

why is it coming into my head. i feel completly out of my depth as far as stress goes. i have so muhc to do even tho im signed off work.

im tiredm but i cant sleep. have just taken sleeping tablet so away to lie in bed and try and get some rest at least.

sorry to go on, but i dont have anyone else to talk too.

when i get up i have to go into work and hand in sick line and some course work. and try to explain the situation. eek.

then i have a few jobs i really must do today. then i want to curl up and have a nap.

:tea: away for a cuppa. xxxxxxxxxxx
 
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TOONAFISH

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Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
2,686
Location
Bonnie Scotland
managed a sleep. feel drowsy now. lol. im never pleased ha ha. away to try and go along to work to hand in my line, im so nervous of their reaction. i dont even know what i want to do about going back, my line is for 4 weeksx
 
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DELATEXT

Guest
You must not blame yourself in any way, you are ill, period !
your work should understand and support you ??
Please look after yourself and take it slowly and easily !
talk hear as much as you need to and know we are all thinking about you !!
 
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shell

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Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
175
Location
Lincolnshire
Don't blame yourself I got the anxious overwhelming feelings too. I have been off work for four months. You need to get yourself better. I too want to run away I'm not functioning as a mum at the moment and feel bad. I do the normal things like cooking cleaning the house etc but I find interaction hard. My son called me a W*****! On Sat night I was so upset.

I can't hold things in I cry and cry and scream at everyone. My inlaws hate me for hurting there son I wish everyone would just leave me. I'm thinking of going to bed early so I don't scream etc.

Don't blame yourself please let your pdoc know or nurse. Take care of yourself Shell xxx
 
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angel10

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Joined
May 19, 2010
Messages
952
Location
derbyshire
I know exactly how you feel. I love my family dearly but I've got very strong urges to pack my bags and be on my way. My head seems all over the place and I'm feeling insane.

However my crisis team did say that if i did run my mental problems will follow me where ever i go. Which makes sense but I still get the urges.

How are you feeling today?

take care
xxx
 
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