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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Do I think incorrectly?

U

unknown

Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2009
Messages
23
Its recently occurred to me that my obvious readiness to wanna remove people from my life could be a defense mechanism and that it may really only be making it impossible for me to make friends.
I was bullied and never recovered socially when I left school.

Things like being ignored when I ask a question or say hello, people not making eye contact when they see me, not really shaking my hand properly, looking around when I'm talking, or not listening/starting to talk about something else.

When people do this I feel rejected or offended, and very quickly I will come to dislike them or avoid them socially. I'm wondering if this is wrong. I gather that relationships aren't perfect, but that doesn't mean that isolation is the answer. I don't think they're just the wrong people either, since its happened so many times in the past few years.

But, I wonder is it worth my while putting effort into talking to someone when they don't look at me, don't listen etc.
Am I reading to much into these signals?
What do you do and think when people do these kinds of things to you?
 
C

coraline1664

Guest
It's possible that you might be more tuned in to these things and be more affected by them than is necessary. I understand what you say about not recovering from school completely, I was very damaged from it myself and now run a mile from anyone if they do certain things, because they trigger me. I have carried the past around me where I was treated like some sort of subhuman, and almost am waiting for someone to tell me what a loser I am. That's what I always believe people think, when it comes down to it. I find it very hard to believe that people dont think that now because I had it my whole childhood. So as a consequence I am very paranoid and sensitive. I am extremely angry and resentful and all it does is harm me, not the people who hurt me.

You can think any way you want, there isn't really an 'incorrect' way of thinking- I mean no-one's marking it (apart from maybe psychiatrists!) but there are ways of thinking that do more harm than good. Sometimes you will find the thinking that feels like it is protecting you, is in fact doing the opposite.

There are many reasons why someone might do the things you describe, many are probably totally innocent and not because of disinterest or dislike at all. I know how hard it is to tell yourself that, but it is important. If you are not sure what people mean by their actions, don't worry about it too much. Try and concentrate on the real things that happen rather than the what ifs. Remember that even if people are being rude, it is them that has the problem, not yourself. You don't have to feel responsible for their attitudes. Some people are just that way anyway.

Best of luck,

Liz
 
bluenomore

bluenomore

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 30, 2009
Messages
5,527
...
Things like being ignored when I ask a question or say hello, people not making eye contact when they see me, not really shaking my hand properly, looking around when I'm talking, or not listening/starting to talk about something else.
As Liz pointed out, there can be many reasons why people you have contact with might treat you this way.

One reason could actually be that they are shy or feel uncomfortable. I used to have trouble making eye contact with people. I used to look down at their chests. Girls often thought that I was just staring at their breasts!

Another reason could be that if you are acting uncomfortable yourself, this can make people treat you differently. I know that it's difficult and sort of a catch-22 situation, but if you can try to act confidently and talk clearly and loud enough, you might find that you are treated better yourself.

Of course there are some people out there who are just cruel and know exactly what buttons to press to make you feel small. These people are not worth bothering about though. You are obviously a sensitive person, but just try to ignore such rudeness. If you can show that it isn't bothering you (even if it is), then you may find that this treatment stops.

Good luck :)

DISCLAIMER: I'm a lot better at giving advice than taking it!
 
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