O
Optiv
New member
- Joined
- Nov 13, 2009
- Messages
- 2
Not sure were to start with this, but I'll try my best to make it as short, but to the point as possible.
I'm 29, just about to turn 30 this month, I have had a normal life up until around 2004, which is when things started getting bad.
My mother died at the end of 2003 from cancer, and I didn't really deal with the situation that well, I tried to suppress a lot of the sadness, and kept going on with life as best I could.
However, by 2004 I was sick of work and with dealing with the general public, which was my job as a mobile phone salesman.
It's now 2009 and nothing has changed since the day I left that job.
I rarely leave the house, to the extent were I time any visits to shops to be at night so I don't have to face people.
I have built up this world on the internet which I live by, via games, msn, friends, 3d worlds such as second life and basically thrown myself into a dream world.
To be honest, I'm like a hermit which never leaves the house, and while I have a lot of friends and consider myself normally a sociable person, I now choose to isolate myself from anything that others would consider as normal.
About two years ago, on one of the rare occasions I left my house, I went out on the town for a friends birthday.
I got blind drunk, left the pub, and got into a fight on the high street.
I don't even remember much of it, but I was told I was spouting random rubbish to the extent the police wanted to call social services to take me to the local mental hospital, which I spent the next 3 days in.
Upon my “check out” I was told the hospital was not suitable for me, but that I suffer from depression which the booze triggered, and I was reconended to take a coarse of drugs, which I can't even remember the name of.
I took them until the packet ran out, I think after that I only had one visit to my GP to top-up... but after that first visit, I never went back.
I'm still in the same situation, but it's much worse.
I can't bare to pick up the phone to people, and get scared to answer the door and live by nights on my dream world on the internet.
If the phone rings, or I hear a door knock I get extremely paranoid which is why I'm not entirely sure I suffer just from depression. I think there is something else which is causing this, or perhaps it's common for depression, I don't know.
My hygiene has gone down the drain (excuse the pun) and my flat is a complete mess.
Financially I'm living on the money I got from selling my mothers house after her death, so while I'm ok at the moment for money, when it runs out.. there is no way I'm in a fit state to even visit someone for applying for a job, let alone getting one.
My NI must be screwed to death, and I have (before the money from my mothers estate came though) borrowed a lot, which I have yet to pay off.
I don't think I'm eligible for any benefit, but at the same time I'm in no fit state to work.
I think it's Anxiety coupled with depression, but I'm uncertain.
I just find everything very hard to deal with, but I'm not necessarily sad all the time in fact, I'm rather intent on the internet, and in my own little world.
I have fun on there, and it's rare that I am sad, or down, or whatever you might call it.
Clearly though, something is not right, and I need some advice.
Thank you.
I'm 29, just about to turn 30 this month, I have had a normal life up until around 2004, which is when things started getting bad.
My mother died at the end of 2003 from cancer, and I didn't really deal with the situation that well, I tried to suppress a lot of the sadness, and kept going on with life as best I could.
However, by 2004 I was sick of work and with dealing with the general public, which was my job as a mobile phone salesman.
It's now 2009 and nothing has changed since the day I left that job.
I rarely leave the house, to the extent were I time any visits to shops to be at night so I don't have to face people.
I have built up this world on the internet which I live by, via games, msn, friends, 3d worlds such as second life and basically thrown myself into a dream world.
To be honest, I'm like a hermit which never leaves the house, and while I have a lot of friends and consider myself normally a sociable person, I now choose to isolate myself from anything that others would consider as normal.
About two years ago, on one of the rare occasions I left my house, I went out on the town for a friends birthday.
I got blind drunk, left the pub, and got into a fight on the high street.
I don't even remember much of it, but I was told I was spouting random rubbish to the extent the police wanted to call social services to take me to the local mental hospital, which I spent the next 3 days in.
Upon my “check out” I was told the hospital was not suitable for me, but that I suffer from depression which the booze triggered, and I was reconended to take a coarse of drugs, which I can't even remember the name of.
I took them until the packet ran out, I think after that I only had one visit to my GP to top-up... but after that first visit, I never went back.
I'm still in the same situation, but it's much worse.
I can't bare to pick up the phone to people, and get scared to answer the door and live by nights on my dream world on the internet.
If the phone rings, or I hear a door knock I get extremely paranoid which is why I'm not entirely sure I suffer just from depression. I think there is something else which is causing this, or perhaps it's common for depression, I don't know.
My hygiene has gone down the drain (excuse the pun) and my flat is a complete mess.
Financially I'm living on the money I got from selling my mothers house after her death, so while I'm ok at the moment for money, when it runs out.. there is no way I'm in a fit state to even visit someone for applying for a job, let alone getting one.
My NI must be screwed to death, and I have (before the money from my mothers estate came though) borrowed a lot, which I have yet to pay off.
I don't think I'm eligible for any benefit, but at the same time I'm in no fit state to work.
I think it's Anxiety coupled with depression, but I'm uncertain.
I just find everything very hard to deal with, but I'm not necessarily sad all the time in fact, I'm rather intent on the internet, and in my own little world.
I have fun on there, and it's rare that I am sad, or down, or whatever you might call it.
Clearly though, something is not right, and I need some advice.
Thank you.
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