Do I need to see a Doctor??

[Raechel]

Hiya,

This is the first time I've posted anything on here, so please bear with me if I go on a bit.
I am just wondering if someone could advise me on whether I need a doctor or if there is something I can do to help myself.

Basically I've always has some mental issues but never out of control (well I suppose you can judge that for yourselves!), I didnt have a happy childhood (often had thoughts of suicide which were never address..actually I still do) but that hasnt got me down because there is always someone out there worse off, I only mention the childhood as I assume that that period of our lives makes up the people we grow to be.
Anyway, to cut a long story short..during my adult life I have had a lot of failed relationships, I've been hurt a few times and have hurt people too, when things are really tough mentally I cut myself, it's embarrassing and not something I want to talk to friends about, although I have had to explain myself a few times when caught out (or rather I just tell them I dont want to talk about it...but they obviously know what it is!)
I have escorted in the past (both through an agency and online), no not because I needed money but because I just felt I needed to feel something (maybe to feel wanted?? I dont know), sort of to see how i would react in that situation. It didnt disgust me as much as I thought it would at the time. Which made me think there was something wrong with me.
I also make myself sick almost every day, I dont know why I do it really but it's at a point where i just cant help it. Anytime things dont feel right (which is most days) I eat and eat, especially things I dont like, then I just throw it all back up again. I know that is really sick! (pardon the pun!)

So the reason I only now feel things are becoming serious, is because I am turning into a really horribly honest, overly opinionated, person. I have pushed all my friends away because quite honestly....I just cant tolerate them. I am mean to people sometimes and I am not naturally a horrible person. I am so irritable at times it makes me cry. Also, I hate my boss...yes I know, who doesn't?!...He's actually a nice guy/boss but some days I seriously feel like I want to scream at him and staple his top lip to the desk..it's a struggle not.

I cant commit to a relationship eventhough I want to and have the opportunity to...but at the same time..I'm so scared of being alone.


so....any idea where I go from here?? Sorry if this has bored the life out of you! x

 

[keepsafe]

Hello Rachael,

I would suggest going to your G.P just to discuss how you feel and if you can't do that - write a letter and give it to the g.p to read. That's what I did and it saves all the unnecessary apologies etc about whether you think you should be there or not and getting tongue tied. Of course it did take a long time for me to do that too, I know it's not easy, but if things are getting too much for you the best thing to do is seek professional advice.

Obviously it doesn;t stop you posting here and talking to others on here.

Good luck
KS

 

[Raechel]

Thank you for the advice,
I think a letter would be a good idea because I'm really not comfortable with the idea of sitting in front of a doctor. I usually try to avoid going at all costs.
I just feel like they would think I am moaning or just feeling sorry for myself.
If I did write a letter and send it to my local GP, would I have to make an appointment to see them about it incase they just throw it away? Also, would a letter still be confidential?
Sorry to ask so many questions!x

 

[keepsafe]

Rachael,

I meant make an appointment and take a letter in with you and just hand it to the g.p you see. They will not thinkl that you are just wasting their time at all.

You could send a letter to the surgery, but yes I think they would want to see you ans yes a letter is also confidential.

 

[Dollit]

A letter would be confidential but they may just read it and file it unless you looked as though you would be a danger to yourself or others and it would have to be an extreme letter for that to happen. It's a grey area over letters - they can't impose treatment on you and a letter describing how you feel isn't necessarily an overture for seeking treatment.

Make an appointment and just say I've written how I feel and that will open up an opportunity to talk.

Your eating and self harm should be addressed as those can affect your life profoundly.

Personally I wouldn't worry about the escort stuff - lots of people can make a divide between sex and love and there isn't a great deal of difference between sleeping with men/strangers for the sake of it and taking money or gifts for doing that. It's only a big issue if it's a big issue for you.

 

[Raechel]

Thank you so much for your advice.
I think I am going to see how much this forum helps me before I see a doctor.
I hate having to ask for help. I cant tell anyone how I'm feeling for fear of seeming like a weak person. Everybody thinks I'm a strong person (I'd like to think I am too), maybe because of my personality, bad attitude...outter confidence?!...Just shows you how few people really know who you are doesn't it.
Mood swings are a pain in the arse though aren't they! Probably my age. ha!

Anyway, thank you for the reply.xx

 

[KP1]

Its a strong person that asks for help. Hope it goes ok.
KP