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Betty134

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Jun 16, 2021
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Location
Uk
Hi, I'm writing in here as a form of self help and/or guidance.

I've recently been through a heart-breaking realisation about myself. I am aware that there are probably many other people who may feel the same way.
I have been with my partner for many years and recently split due to, what I feel is a betrayal. I found that he was sexting somebody via social media. He says it isn't as serious as what I think it is but that to me says that I shouldn't feel a certain way about it because he doesn't take it seriously. But it hurt me, so deeply that I can't help but think there is something wrong with how I am or what I'm doing.

He says we are too different in so many ways and that he's unsure of whether he actually isn't bothered about spending time with me because it's a pointless exercise or if as time goes on he just cares less and less.

A bit of back-story, he's a very busy guy & we have 2 children together. He juggles a lot, he's trying to build his career, which he is doing phenomenally with. I work close to full-time, so when I am home I take care of the kids and try and do as much at home as possible after a long day at work. As soon as I'm home, he is already doing his work. So we don't see each other until its basically time to hit the pillow.

I took a step back after finding these sexts to figure out what I might be doing. I came to realise that I have lost all sense of myself in the last 8 years. I have a very sarcastic sense of humour, which can definitely be a fault, depending on the person I might be talking to. I'm empathic, meaning I take on a lot of what everyone around me is feeling and that makes life very tiring. I'm extremely co-dependant in life and my relationship, I feel like i can fix people and their problems, I'm always there with my ears open to listen to anyone and give advice. When, in actual fact, I don't listen to my own advice and sometimes hurt myself by telling myself that someone will come and help me, fix me. I have a feeling of abandonment, so sometimes in my relationship, I feel like everything else is a priority and I am the last - that's not just how I see it with my partner, that is how I treat myself too. But before he can tell me he is abondoning me completely, I will tell him he can go, if he wants to - to lessen the blow and make it seem like it's my decision and not his.

I feel like i am getting to a point now where I don't know how to get out of a hole I've and others have built for myself. It might be worth noting that as a child I was neglected by my mother and had no relationship with my father. Now as a grown woman, I have no relationship with my mother and an amazing long distance relationship with my dad but he isn't a person I can share my feelings with about my relationship, only the feelings I have regarding my mother, as she neglected him in their relationship and in turn they got divorced when I was around 7/8 after she forged his signature and got him into thousands of pounds worth of debt.

I'm not really sure what I want to get out of this but to put it into text has helped the smallest bit.

Has anyone else ever felt this way? What did /are you doing about it? Do you ever feel like a burden or burdened by life?
 
calypso

calypso

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:welcome: to the forum. You have been through a lot. I have felt a burden in life but gradually over time and with reality checks on my part, I have realised that I am not in fact. But it took time and effort.

Have you ever thought of going to Relate? They don't just deal with couples but with individuals who have recently split up too. They are very well trained. Just an idea.

https://www.relate.org.uk
 
UpnDwn1978

UpnDwn1978

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Jun 16, 2020
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Hi Betty welcome to the forum :welcome:
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
19,540
Location
Nowhere
hi Betty :welcome:

no I more burden myself with others troubles I think
especially within the family
as you said co-dependency , I think it should be recognised
as an illness in its own right

need to build our own sense of self


:grouphug:
 
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