Do I just have major trust issues?

wowzerz

wowzerz

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Just so you know: I have OCD and it makes me question my relationship with my girlfriend.

I’m also a 24 year old bisexual female. Hi :)

Okay, here’s the story.

I met this girl February of last year. We talked for about two weeks then became official. She broke up with me in September because I had been down in the dumps and so was she, and she felt like she couldn’t help me, so she saw breaking up as a solution.

She started talking to me again on about December 10th. We met back up January 4th, and everything was just like it used to be. It was like we never broke up. We were already saying “I love you” again. She then told me that as soon as I was ready, she wanted to get back together. But I wasn’t ready, so I waited until I thought I was. BUT, that whole period, we were basically a couple, just without a label.

April 19 is when we officially got back together.

Okay (here’s where the OCD stuff comes in), so I have this habit of going through all her likes, comments, and posts on Twitter. My brain likes to tell me that she doesn’t really love me and will cheat on me.

Just a while ago I found a reply she had made to another (gay) girl on April 8th (11 days before we were official again.) The girl is very pretty and had posted “I will pay someone to come play with my hair and rub my back.” My girlfriend’s reply was “You don’t even need to pay me.”

Would this bother anyone else, or am I just being stupid and paranoid? There she was, telling me she loved me, and waiting on me to say the word that I was ready to get back together, but she replied to another girl saying that? It just bothers the hell out of me. Honestly, our relationship was SO much better before I downloaded twitter and started keeping up with things like this. Let me also say that I struggle big time with self-image and things of that sort.

Sometimes, I just want OUT of this. But then I think “No, I really love her.” And I know I would regret it because I would miss her. I don’t know if I have relationship OCD, or of really this is my heart trying to talk to me. I honestly don’t know if I could ever break up with her.

I’ve honestly never loved anyone more than her, but I’ve also never had this much negative stuff happen with anyone else. I feel like it’s ME causing the problem though.

SO, please help me. Am I just crazy? Would this bother anyone else? Should it bother me as much as it does?

Any advice/kind words would be appreciated.
 
wowzerz

wowzerz

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No, there wasn’t, and I found myself thinking the same thing, BUT I’m pretty sure she wasn’t saying it just to be friendly. Why would you say that to a total stranger?
 
HauntedWitch

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reply she had made to another (gay) girl on April 8th (11 days before we were official again.) The girl is very pretty and had posted “I will pay someone to come play with my hair and rub my back.” My girlfriend’s reply was “You don’t even need to pay me.” Would this bother anyone else, or am I just being stupid and paranoid?
I don't have OCD, but I know people who do. Your reaction sounds like normal relationship worries to me.

I don't like the sound of the conversation between your gf and the other girl, but I don't know the context either. I suppose it's possible they were joking, and the other girl is actually looking for a hairdresser and masseuse. Best to ask your gf about it, but be gentle if you do.
 
wowzerz

wowzerz

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She wasn’t joking around, they don’t know each other at all. The girl didn’t respond to her comment (and got none other replies and didn’t respond to anyone else either). If they were friends, I could see it. But there was nothing to indicate joking— no emojis or “lol”s of anything. She just said flat out, “You don’t even need to pay me.”

I mean maybe I shouldn’t be worried because we weren’t official, but we were doing everything an official couple does just with no label. It’s still not okay, in my opinion.

How would I ask though? That was back in April. She would know I was lurking on her page, and probably would get mad about that. She gets defensive SO easily and it makes her hard to talk to.
 
wowzerz

wowzerz

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Also, let me add, I’m pretty sure the girl was being literal— she wanted someone to play with her hair and rub her back. I don’t think she meant a hairdresser/masseuse
 
Z

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I think if you trusted her
you would be able to talk about
whether you both want to look at each others social media

otherwise its like ' we cant go on like this with suspicious minds ' !

:loveshower:
 
HauntedWitch

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How would I ask though? That was back in April. She would know I was lurking on her page, and probably would get mad about that. She gets defensive SO easily and it makes her hard to talk to.
Maybe you could find a quiet, private time with just the 2 of you alone together when you are sure you have her full attention, and tell her you saw those posts. Don't ask questions or make accusations; just state how you feel about it and see how it goes from there.

I hate to say it, but if she's really hard to talk to...that's a red flag in itself.
 
wowzerz

wowzerz

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Maybe you could find a quiet, private time with just the 2 of you alone together when you are sure you have her full attention, and tell her you saw those posts. Don't ask questions or make accusations; just state how you feel about it and see how it goes from there.

I hate to say it, but if she's really hard to talk to...that's a red flag in itself.
We talked tonight, just a little while ago. I brought it up very casually, and I told her I didn't particularly like it. She pretty much said "It was whatever, she has used a weekly LGBT hashtag and it's a thing to follow each other on that (which, it is), and she does tattoos and I liked her page, so yeah, she posted and I commented." Then I called her out and said she was kind of flirting. She said she didn't mean it in a real way, more mindless. We weren't together, so I guess I have no right to be really upset.

It was a good conversation. She also said she doesn't compare me with anyone else, and that I shouldn't worry about her being attracted to/finding someone else because it's, quote, "not goingt to happen." We talked for two and a half hours! (phone call) We haven't done that in a long time. I feel much better now. Thanks everyone for your comments, and if anyone else sees this and wants to leave a comment, feel free. :) I do struggle from OCD, I know this was kind of unrelated though.
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

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Hey :)

Glad it all worked out!x

Much love <3
 
HauntedWitch

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It was a good conversation. She also said she doesn't compare me with anyone else, and that I shouldn't worry about her being attracted to/finding someone else because it's, quote, "not goingt to happen." We talked for two and a half hours! (phone call) We haven't done that in a long time. I feel much better now. Thanks everyone for your comments, and if anyone else sees this and wants to leave a comment, feel free. :) I do struggle from OCD, I know this was kind of unrelated though.
It occurs to me that your partner's comment to the other girl might have been in reference to you or her relationship style. In other words, maybe she does kind things for those she loves, expecting nothing in return. Anyway, I'm glad to hear you feel better now!
 
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