Do i have some kind of "Social Anxiety"

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BpTyrant

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You know I have come to realize I seem to be failing at a lot of my attempts to socialize

It's kind of hard to exactly pinpoint my problems or guarantee I wont suffer setbacks in the future

Really I just want to do better, I dont want to set myself up to feel terrible when I do suffer a setback because I expect setbacks to happen; i feel like if I set my expectations High, I am doomed to fail and then be really depressed because I failed

I also dont want to give up completely either just because I expect I fail because then I really have no chance at getting ahead, but I also wouldnt suffer disappointment because I would stop myself from trying in the 1st place

That seems to be feeling into me socially as well

If I am Manic and expect perfection I am gonna be too confident and then because of that people might think "hes just a jerk, he doesnt care about anybody besides himself or his wallet"

If I am depressed I probably wont even try, and then I will fail because I havent tried, but in a way that seems like it might be a better choice because i also save myself from feeling defeated when i suffer a setback

Which would feel like a total failure i cant recover from

I could normally just save myself from such possibilities by staying away from any of these interactions, but it's a part of a hobby I regularly enjoy and I want to keep enjoying in the future, so I dont wanna just give that up

Even though maybe it would be better for my stress level

I dont even talk with many people in real life because I have always been a Socially Awkward person that just keeps to himself, so I never had to feel defeated because I never even tried in the past
 
Luci

Luci

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I have the same issue. Until you stop caring what people think of you it probably wont go away. The people who know me accept me for who I am, anyone who doesn't isn't worth my time :) 'setbacks' are what help us learn and make us who we are. Don't be afraid of it ♡
 
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BpTyrant

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I have the same issue. Until you stop caring what people think of you it probably wont go away. The people who know me accept me for who I am, anyone who doesn't isn't worth my time :) 'setbacks' are what help us learn and make us who we are. Don't be afraid of it ♡
Well my problem is when i am still interacting with these same people, now all of sudden I am an "@hole" which ironically is what people thought of me at the beginning and the fact that I care is why it hurts
 
Luci

Luci

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Yeah I'm characterised as a 'bitch' or 'aggressive' by people who dont know me. Their loss. If they take the time to get to know me they will find I'm just honest, passionate and empathetic. It's not uncommon for traits to be read as personality. You can either change who you are/how you act so people will like you, or you can just be yourself and only attract genuine friends
 
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BpTyrant

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Yeah I'm characterised as a 'bitch' or 'aggressive' by people who dont know me. Their loss. If they take the time to get to know me they will find I'm just honest, passionate and empathetic. It's not uncommon for traits to be read as personality. You can either change who you are/how you act so people will like you, or you can just be yourself and only attract genuine friends
Yeah, but trying to expand it is hard to make any ground when people either dont give you a chance, or just openly Condemn you (therefore they can spread their opinions to other people as "facts" )
 
Luci

Luci

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Does this actually happen or do you just think it does?
 
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BpTyrant

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Does this actually happen or do you just think it does?
It does actually happen

I only know because I asked, though I have no way to know how many people I have turned away through "bad impressions" and it sucks because less potential customers usually means a lower price I have to sell for
 
Luci

Luci

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Who are the people who say/do these things? Colleagues? Family? Friends? What is it they say or do?

Remember that how people treat you is a reflection of them, not you. So is it being perceived as unapproachable at work that concerns you? Or that this view of you has been taken by so many people that now it is just accepted as true. So self fulfilling prophecy kicks in. You act the part, either intentionally or not. Do you think the problem is you? Them? Or a bit of both?
 
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BpTyrant

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Who are the people who say/do these things? Colleagues? Family? Friends? What is it they say or do?

Remember that how people treat you is a reflection of them, not you. So is it being perceived as unapproachable at work that concerns you? Or that this view of you has been taken by so many people that now it is just accepted as true. So self fulfilling prophecy kicks in. You act the part, either intentionally or not. Do you think the problem is you? Them? Or a bit of both?
Its people in a Hobby community that are unwilling to deal with me making it Harder than it has to be when I want to Sell/Trade things

Therefore I can try charging fair prices, not find customers

And eventually give up and sell stupid cheap just to get things that I wanted to sell gone
 
Luci

Luci

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Ah I have an acquaintance who runs a convention in my area. Not my thing but one of my best friends is mega into it. She describes the scene as competitive, 'bitchy', childish and 'cliquey'. Where are you from? Could you not go elsewhere to sell? Or set up on your own? Then your customers will get to know YOU and not what people say about you.
 
Luci

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Depending what your area is, there are trends for 'retro' and 'geeky' hobbies, so could be relatively easy?
 
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BpTyrant

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Ah I have an acquaintance who runs a convention in my area. Not my thing but one of my best friends is mega into it. She describes the scene as competitive, 'bitchy', childish and 'cliquey'. Where are you from? Could you not go elsewhere to sell? Or set up on your own? Then your customers will get to know YOU and not what people say about you.
It's an online group with 1000s of members

I am still trying because when it goes well it is pretty easy; it's just a struggle trying to have what people want, enough of it, the right prices, and to make people "feel good" buying from me

I know I cant force anyone into it, but it would be a lot easier if people gave someone a fair chance to show what they are actually like in these kinds of dealings; instead of condemning someone after 1 reply that gave someone a bad impression
 
Luci

Luci

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Its ecenbgarder to come across the way we intend online. The stress you are putting on yourself means you are no longer enjoying this, it will show to your customers, maybe face to face would be best for you,?
 
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BpTyrant

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Its ecenbgarder to come across the way we intend online. The stress you are putting on yourself means you are no longer enjoying this, it will show to your customers, maybe face to face would be best for you,?
Problem with that is I am in a smaller town, the majority of activity with these cards is in Bigger Cities during events (which are also at an inconvenient time for me); typically quite a distance away from smaller towns

In my specific instance traveling to the closest such area is a 1.5 hour round trip and then I only have so many local people that are "potential customers" if they haven't already bought or traded for what they need

Going online I can reach a much bigger net of potential customers, people who might be on the lookout for those cards rather than taking chances by opening booster packs and ending up with a lot of stuff they have no need for and dont want
 

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