Do I have rOCD or just don't love her anymore? HELP ME PLEASE!

I

It'sMe

New member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Guatemala
#1
Here is my story. I've been dating with my girlfriend almost 4 years ago. She's an amazing woman (we're 24, almost 25); I've lived a lot of adventures by her side; she thought me a lot of things and an amazing way of living life. I was her first kiss and I'm so happy because of that.

We have laughed, cried, kissed, hugged... all the things a couple could do, we did, except sex. We haven't had sex because she is Christian and she thinks (and feels) that sex before marriage is a sin; also, she wants to have sex only with one person. At firtst, I wasn't agree with that but now I understand and support her. I'm always saying to her that I'm not going to force her to have sex with me if she doesn't want (also, I'm virgin).

But, we have strengthened our love in different ways; she's the best team for living life and she's always supporting me to follow my dreams and I do the same with her, as I told you, we're the best team. We enjoy going to the movies, watching Netflix, eating fast food, going for a walk, talking about our problems and dreams, making jokes... things that couples do. I felt in love with her; I enjoyed a lot to be with her, kiss her and make her laugh.

A bad thought came to my mind. "I feel that I don't love her", that thought came to me on November; but I thought that was only in my mind like an obsession.

I thing I got OCD since I was a kid (not officialy diagnosed) but I got a lot of fears and doubts, like fear to get cancer (on January 2nd of 2019 I cried a lot because I thought that I had cancer and it was only a wound in my mouth); also, fear of being homosexual, compulsions of cleaning, religion, order, intrusive thoughts; I feel guilty for a lot of things (like watching porn), it's hard for me to make decisions and so on...

So, I was really depressed because I was thinking that I don't love her anymore; but that thought disappeared until February, it came back and stronger. So I Googled "OCD I don't love my gf" and rOCD showed up. I felt better but later, the situation got worse. I don't know if I really love her or not, sometimes I really want to have a date with her or watch Netflix in my house; but later, I don't wanna know about her and feel like I don't love her. This is pissing me off because I'm doubting about everything, sometimes I miss her and sometimes I don't. I don't want to work or go out with my friends; also, I think I'm depressed because I live with my parents and I'm in my house almost everytime.

I can't sleep and I'm thinking 24 hours per day if I love her or not, feeling that I love her and miss her and later, feeling that I don't. It's a nightmare! I always want to sleep because in my dreams I'm thinking about that and when I wake up, the anxiety starst in my chest.

Now, I'm doubting if it's ROCD, depression or lack or sex. I REALLY NEED HELP!

P. S. I play Fortnite since last year and also I'm wondering if I got addicted to the game.

I just want to be ok with my girlfriend, go to the beach and have a good time. I just want to be good with her forever but I feel like something is blocking me, that maybe I don't love her anymore and this feeling makes me very sad and depressed.

HELP ME PLEASE and sorry for my long text.
 
Y

Yodagirl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
626
Location
Georgia USA
#2
Here is my story. I've been dating with my girlfriend almost 4 years ago. She's an amazing woman (we're 24, almost 25); I've lived a lot of adventures by her side; she thought me a lot of things and an amazing way of living life. I was her first kiss and I'm so happy because of that.

We have laughed, cried, kissed, hugged... all the things a couple could do, we did, except sex. We haven't had sex because she is Christian and she thinks (and feels) that sex before marriage is a sin; also, she wants to have sex only with one person. At firtst, I wasn't agree with that but now I understand and support her. I'm always saying to her that I'm not going to force her to have sex with me if she doesn't want (also, I'm virgin).

But, we have strengthened our love in different ways; she's the best team for living life and she's always supporting me to follow my dreams and I do the same with her, as I told you, we're the best team. We enjoy going to the movies, watching Netflix, eating fast food, going for a walk, talking about our problems and dreams, making jokes... things that couples do. I felt in love with her; I enjoyed a lot to be with her, kiss her and make her laugh.

A bad thought came to my mind. "I feel that I don't love her", that thought came to me on November; but I thought that was only in my mind like an obsession.

I thing I got OCD since I was a kid (not officialy diagnosed) but I got a lot of fears and doubts, like fear to get cancer (on January 2nd of 2019 I cried a lot because I thought that I had cancer and it was only a wound in my mouth); also, fear of being homosexual, compulsions of cleaning, religion, order, intrusive thoughts; I feel guilty for a lot of things (like watching porn), it's hard for me to make decisions and so on...

So, I was really depressed because I was thinking that I don't love her anymore; but that thought disappeared until February, it came back and stronger. So I Googled "OCD I don't love my gf" and rOCD showed up. I felt better but later, the situation got worse. I don't know if I really love her or not, sometimes I really want to have a date with her or watch Netflix in my house; but later, I don't wanna know about her and feel like I don't love her. This is pissing me off because I'm doubting about everything, sometimes I miss her and sometimes I don't. I don't want to work or go out with my friends; also, I think I'm depressed because I live with my parents and I'm in my house almost everytime.

I can't sleep and I'm thinking 24 hours per day if I love her or not, feeling that I love her and miss her and later, feeling that I don't. It's a nightmare! I always want to sleep because in my dreams I'm thinking about that and when I wake up, the anxiety starst in my chest.

Now, I'm doubting if it's ROCD, depression or lack or sex. I REALLY NEED HELP!

P. S. I play Fortnite since last year and also I'm wondering if I got addicted to the game.

I just want to be ok with my girlfriend, go to the beach and have a good time. I just want to be good with her forever but I feel like something is blocking me, that maybe I don't love her anymore and this feeling makes me very sad and depressed.

HELP ME PLEASE and sorry for my long text.
Hello and :welcome:.
First off I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time with all the confusion if you love her or not. You said you haven’t officially been diagnosed. It does sound like OCD,but I’m no Doctor. Are you currently seeing a doctor? If not I would recommend you schedule an appointment with your GP and tell them about these issues. Hopefully they can help or give you a referral for someone who can.
 
H

healthandfreedom

Member
Joined
May 18, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Olympia, Washington
#3
I feel the exact same way and that is why I've joined this forum...I will elaborate on a post of my own, but the thoughts, feelings, the tightness in the chest when waking up, the pit in my stomach are all the same. I also can't eat. I don't feel like eating at all. I'm consumed with thoughts that say I don't love my wife, that I've been faking this love the whole time and that I just wanted to get married so I went along with the plans to get married. I feel like a fraud, a manipulator, a terrible person and an unreliable partner.
 
J

JD

New member
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Austria
#4
It seems that your amygdala is giving you a hard time at the moment.

Considering the fact that you have had OCd for a long time also fits, meaning that your amygdala has benn and is hyperactive at the moment, a part of the brain giving you the feeling that something is wrong and has to be taken care of.

Unfortunately this is avery primitive part of the brain with the mind and intellect of a little baby and so there is now way to reason with it.

And though this part of the brain is very mighty and can give you a very hard time by sending you uncomfortable feelings, it would be irresponsible of you to let it control your life as no one with a healty mind would ever allow a little child take control over your behaviour, let it make decisions for you and let it tell you how to deal with everyday life problems.

Your amygdala is stupid and so from time to time makes proposals to think about something, in your case if your love your girlfriend or don't. Though this comes with bad feelings and fees (what by no way has to mean that it indeed is a real problem as its just a feeling) very important it is still your choice how to react to that and your responsibility to react correct.

And if your conscious, reasonable mind does not see any reason to be worried about this issue then you have to treat those doubts and nagging feelings as wrong signals from your amygdala and not to buy into it.

The good news is that your amygdala is stupid and so somehow depending on your conscious decisions as it cannot make reasonable decisions by itself and so will watch attentively how you will react to the proposed topic

If you buy into the it proposes, the amgdala will also consider it as important, if you don't, if you ignore it, it will learn to give this topic less importance and bother you less and less.

Based on your reaction you indirectly have the ability to direct on how this topic will develop for you in the future and become more (by reacting to it) or less (by not reacting to it) disturbing.

But be prepared that your hyperactive amygdala will go for other topics (and I am sure it has done so in the past) after you dealt with this topic.

You have to show endurance not buying into any topic that you not fully agree with to have it calmed down in the long term.
 
K

kt_bee311

Member
Joined
Apr 14, 2019
Messages
24
Location
New Jersey
#5
I can assure you it’s rocd I’ve experienced stuff like that in the past