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Do I have rOCD or just don't love her anymore? HELP ME PLEASE!

I

It'sMe

New member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Guatemala
Here is my story. I've been dating with my girlfriend almost 4 years ago. She's an amazing woman (we're 24, almost 25); I've lived a lot of adventures by her side; she thought me a lot of things and an amazing way of living life. I was her first kiss and I'm so happy because of that.

We have laughed, cried, kissed, hugged... all the things a couple could do, we did, except sex. We haven't had sex because she is Christian and she thinks (and feels) that sex before marriage is a sin; also, she wants to have sex only with one person. At firtst, I wasn't agree with that but now I understand and support her. I'm always saying to her that I'm not going to force her to have sex with me if she doesn't want (also, I'm virgin).

But, we have strengthened our love in different ways; she's the best team for living life and she's always supporting me to follow my dreams and I do the same with her, as I told you, we're the best team. We enjoy going to the movies, watching Netflix, eating fast food, going for a walk, talking about our problems and dreams, making jokes... things that couples do. I felt in love with her; I enjoyed a lot to be with her, kiss her and make her laugh.

A bad thought came to my mind. "I feel that I don't love her", that thought came to me on November; but I thought that was only in my mind like an obsession.

I thing I got OCD since I was a kid (not officialy diagnosed) but I got a lot of fears and doubts, like fear to get cancer (on January 2nd of 2019 I cried a lot because I thought that I had cancer and it was only a wound in my mouth); also, fear of being homosexual, compulsions of cleaning, religion, order, intrusive thoughts; I feel guilty for a lot of things (like watching porn), it's hard for me to make decisions and so on...

So, I was really depressed because I was thinking that I don't love her anymore; but that thought disappeared until February, it came back and stronger. So I Googled "OCD I don't love my gf" and rOCD showed up. I felt better but later, the situation got worse. I don't know if I really love her or not, sometimes I really want to have a date with her or watch Netflix in my house; but later, I don't wanna know about her and feel like I don't love her. This is pissing me off because I'm doubting about everything, sometimes I miss her and sometimes I don't. I don't want to work or go out with my friends; also, I think I'm depressed because I live with my parents and I'm in my house almost everytime.

I can't sleep and I'm thinking 24 hours per day if I love her or not, feeling that I love her and miss her and later, feeling that I don't. It's a nightmare! I always want to sleep because in my dreams I'm thinking about that and when I wake up, the anxiety starst in my chest.

Now, I'm doubting if it's ROCD, depression or lack or sex. I REALLY NEED HELP!

P. S. I play Fortnite since last year and also I'm wondering if I got addicted to the game.

I just want to be ok with my girlfriend, go to the beach and have a good time. I just want to be good with her forever but I feel like something is blocking me, that maybe I don't love her anymore and this feeling makes me very sad and depressed.

HELP ME PLEASE and sorry for my long text.
 
Y

Yodagirl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
626
Location
Georgia USA
Here is my story. I've been dating with my girlfriend almost 4 years ago. She's an amazing woman (we're 24, almost 25); I've lived a lot of adventures by her side; she thought me a lot of things and an amazing way of living life. I was her first kiss and I'm so happy because of that.

We have laughed, cried, kissed, hugged... all the things a couple could do, we did, except sex. We haven't had sex because she is Christian and she thinks (and feels) that sex before marriage is a sin; also, she wants to have sex only with one person. At firtst, I wasn't agree with that but now I understand and support her. I'm always saying to her that I'm not going to force her to have sex with me if she doesn't want (also, I'm virgin).

But, we have strengthened our love in different ways; she's the best team for living life and she's always supporting me to follow my dreams and I do the same with her, as I told you, we're the best team. We enjoy going to the movies, watching Netflix, eating fast food, going for a walk, talking about our problems and dreams, making jokes... things that couples do. I felt in love with her; I enjoyed a lot to be with her, kiss her and make her laugh.

A bad thought came to my mind. "I feel that I don't love her", that thought came to me on November; but I thought that was only in my mind like an obsession.

I thing I got OCD since I was a kid (not officialy diagnosed) but I got a lot of fears and doubts, like fear to get cancer (on January 2nd of 2019 I cried a lot because I thought that I had cancer and it was only a wound in my mouth); also, fear of being homosexual, compulsions of cleaning, religion, order, intrusive thoughts; I feel guilty for a lot of things (like watching porn), it's hard for me to make decisions and so on...

So, I was really depressed because I was thinking that I don't love her anymore; but that thought disappeared until February, it came back and stronger. So I Googled "OCD I don't love my gf" and rOCD showed up. I felt better but later, the situation got worse. I don't know if I really love her or not, sometimes I really want to have a date with her or watch Netflix in my house; but later, I don't wanna know about her and feel like I don't love her. This is pissing me off because I'm doubting about everything, sometimes I miss her and sometimes I don't. I don't want to work or go out with my friends; also, I think I'm depressed because I live with my parents and I'm in my house almost everytime.

I can't sleep and I'm thinking 24 hours per day if I love her or not, feeling that I love her and miss her and later, feeling that I don't. It's a nightmare! I always want to sleep because in my dreams I'm thinking about that and when I wake up, the anxiety starst in my chest.

Now, I'm doubting if it's ROCD, depression or lack or sex. I REALLY NEED HELP!

P. S. I play Fortnite since last year and also I'm wondering if I got addicted to the game.

I just want to be ok with my girlfriend, go to the beach and have a good time. I just want to be good with her forever but I feel like something is blocking me, that maybe I don't love her anymore and this feeling makes me very sad and depressed.

HELP ME PLEASE and sorry for my long text.
Hello and :welcome:.
First off I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time with all the confusion if you love her or not. You said you haven’t officially been diagnosed. It does sound like OCD,but I’m no Doctor. Are you currently seeing a doctor? If not I would recommend you schedule an appointment with your GP and tell them about these issues. Hopefully they can help or give you a referral for someone who can.
 
H

healthandfreedom

Member
Joined
May 18, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Olympia, Washington
I feel the exact same way and that is why I've joined this forum...I will elaborate on a post of my own, but the thoughts, feelings, the tightness in the chest when waking up, the pit in my stomach are all the same. I also can't eat. I don't feel like eating at all. I'm consumed with thoughts that say I don't love my wife, that I've been faking this love the whole time and that I just wanted to get married so I went along with the plans to get married. I feel like a fraud, a manipulator, a terrible person and an unreliable partner.
 
J

JD

New member
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Austria
It seems that your amygdala is giving you a hard time at the moment.

Considering the fact that you have had OCd for a long time also fits, meaning that your amygdala has benn and is hyperactive at the moment, a part of the brain giving you the feeling that something is wrong and has to be taken care of.

Unfortunately this is avery primitive part of the brain with the mind and intellect of a little baby and so there is now way to reason with it.

And though this part of the brain is very mighty and can give you a very hard time by sending you uncomfortable feelings, it would be irresponsible of you to let it control your life as no one with a healty mind would ever allow a little child take control over your behaviour, let it make decisions for you and let it tell you how to deal with everyday life problems.

Your amygdala is stupid and so from time to time makes proposals to think about something, in your case if your love your girlfriend or don't. Though this comes with bad feelings and fees (what by no way has to mean that it indeed is a real problem as its just a feeling) very important it is still your choice how to react to that and your responsibility to react correct.

And if your conscious, reasonable mind does not see any reason to be worried about this issue then you have to treat those doubts and nagging feelings as wrong signals from your amygdala and not to buy into it.

The good news is that your amygdala is stupid and so somehow depending on your conscious decisions as it cannot make reasonable decisions by itself and so will watch attentively how you will react to the proposed topic

If you buy into the it proposes, the amgdala will also consider it as important, if you don't, if you ignore it, it will learn to give this topic less importance and bother you less and less.

Based on your reaction you indirectly have the ability to direct on how this topic will develop for you in the future and become more (by reacting to it) or less (by not reacting to it) disturbing.

But be prepared that your hyperactive amygdala will go for other topics (and I am sure it has done so in the past) after you dealt with this topic.

You have to show endurance not buying into any topic that you not fully agree with to have it calmed down in the long term.
 
G

gurl2134

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2019
Messages
117
Location
England
I can assure you it’s rocd I’ve experienced stuff like that in the past
 
G

gurl2134

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2019
Messages
117
Location
England
Could you please let us know how did you treat your ROCD.
I did a lot of research on it, and realizations tactics, that helped me stay grounded and in the moment
 
Warrior

Warrior

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2019
Messages
792
Location
UK
:hi: @It'sMe i'm no doctor to perscribe but I do have OCD and it can mess with your mental thoughts and attitude on certain aspects and it sounds like the OCD is causing mind tricks - that's how I look at it.
You know you love someone when if they've been gone for an hour you miss them, your heart starts racing, being happy and contented with them and they bring the best out in you and your doing the same back and the love runs deeply.

For OCD to be confirmed you need to see your doctor and come out with what you've told us and don't hold back as that's the worst thing you can do but this link may also help you :hug:

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) | Mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems
 
A

Ashwin

Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Ireland
I did a lot of research on it, and realizations tactics, that helped me stay grounded and in the moment
Can you please share me the tactics? If possible please answer to my below query:



My ROCD Story:

Six months ago, I met first time with my GF (she is very intelligent, honest and attractive girl and she is working in top IT company, she has dusky skin).I live in abroad and she lives in India.
I found her on matrimony website and talked with her two months then decided to meet.
I went India and met with her. The first day, I didn't found any problem but next day, when I saw her without make up my mind started these thought that she doesn't look good , I can't be with her, etc, etc. However, I didn't gave much importance to these thoughts, then later she told me her past and I was very much pissed off with that , then I went off from their and came back to my city in India which is 12 hrs far via bus. After few days later, I realized that she is very honest girl at least she told me each and everything about her past. If she want she could hide me those stuff. Then, she came back to my city to meet me then these thoughts were again come up that time I wasn't aware that I am suffering from ROCD. Because my mind was keep on running I decided that I will say her no and go back to abroad.
Since, I don't want to break her heart by saying about her past and look. I said her that my parents doesn't like you , so I can't go a head. Then, I came back to abroad.

After few days later , she rang me and said me that she is planning to travel abroad to celebrate her birthday , so she asked me to meet with her in Paris for a day. I thought she deserve that , so I said her I will come. Later, her planned cancelled because of her frnds, so she range me and said that she will come to my country where I live currently, can i meet with her?. I was in dilemma , so I said Yes and within 20 mins she book the visa application form and paid money. Once she booked the tickets and everything I can't say her no.

I thought myself that I should give her a chance, so she recently came to abroad and she stay here for two weeks . Believe me I was impressed with her caring and love that she showed to me, but behind of this my mind like:
"SHE IS NOT ATTRACTIVE" ,
"I SHOULD FIND ANOTHER GIRL" "
"DO I REALLY LOVE HER"
"WHAT IF I'M NOT HAPPY WITH HER AFTER MARRIAGE"
"SHE DOESN'T LOOK ATTRACTIVE THEN HOW CAN I BE HAPPY WITH HER AND IF I AM NOT HAPPY THEN i WILL BREAK UP WITH HER",
"I should marry with someone who is fair in colour" etc, etc.
"I got these thoughts even when I was dating with fair girl like her nose is big, her eyes are wide, her face is big , etc but that time i wasn't aware it was ROCD".


I was full of above thoughts and was not in situation to give her answer whether I want to marry her not , then I decided to invite my aunt to my house so that she came see her and let me know what should I do. My aunt met with her and second day my aunt take her outside of house n chat with her and their came home and suddenly my aunt said that she is very caring and understandable girl, and I should marry with her. I decided that okay better I get marry with her may be God also want this.Elders never suggest bad decision for us, so, I said to my aunt that I am getting these thoughts , so my aunt told me that yes she is dusky but she is attractive and most important thing I should see that she is very caring, understanble and she stand with me even I have OCD and ROCD she said give less importance to face/fairness because face will fade by time, so i thought whatever my aunt said it's 100 true and decided to get marry with her that time and i told my GF that i will marry . Once I told her after 30 mins later my mind again started the above thoughts continuous 6 hours, that time I break down in front of her and started crying and told her to leave me because I am helpless and I can't marry with her because of my below thoughts.Then,next day I google my symptoms and found that I am suffering with ROCD.


I told her everything that I am getting thoughts like:
"You are ugly"
"You are not atrractive"
"I should find another partner"
"What if i don't happy with you",
"Do i love you "etc, etc.

Next day, I said her that 4 years ago I was suffering from OCD and now with ROCD. She told me that she don't care if I have OCD or ROCD she will stand with me in each and every situation of life. The moment she told me these words I got so emotional I felt fall in love ,then I said first time to her I LOVE YOU. I put my self in her situation and thought If i was in her place do I take this relationship further the answer was NO, who is going to live with a partner who have these type of thoughts and who don't know whether he loves me or not and in future He is going to stay with me or not.


She used to make me breakfast before i go to work , she hold my hand every time , she take care of me as a kid(Basically she is very caring person).


Now, the problem is she went back to India and now my mind still running like anything she want to marry me and my parents are also telling me that don't break someone heart because it's not good. I know she is very good person just her dusky skin without make up keep on bringing these stuff in to my mind.


Sometimes, I think that if i break her heart do I will be happy in life?
Life is so short and in this life If i give smile on someone face that is Good deed.



Please let me know what do you think I should do? . Initially, this is one side love story now I have feeling on her but more important is I don't like to break her heart because she loves me very much , she came abroad to meet me and she knows that I have ROCD still she want to marry me .

Any suggestion would be appreciated.
 
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