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Do I have BPD?

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natalieanne

New member
Joined
Mar 24, 2014
Messages
2
I’m 24 and I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 18. I took Sertraline for years but finally realized the pills did not help me and was put on Prozac. That has improved things a little but it’s like there are big gaps that aren’t being filled. I recently thought that I may also suffer from PTSD from a sexual assault that occurred when I was 15. I also was emotionally neglected by my parents as a child. I figured that was the missing piece of the puzzle but I still feel like there’s just something straight up wrong with me.
I think about wanting to end my life almost every day. I don’t enjoy life, I don’t know when I ever really have since my childhood. I used to harm myself and I still feel the urge today. I constantly feel empty, while also having severe mood swings. Sometimes I have an outburst of anger for really small things and feel suicidal. A few hours later I’m optimistic about life and motivated to change. Obviously that doesn’t last long and soon I’m depressed/bitter/anxious again.
I’ve started vaping even though I’ve never smoked. I often have poor spending habits even though I know I shouldn’t be spending money. Sometimes I drink a lot to numb my emotions.
I don’t know who I am. I never have. I don’t know what my goals in life are. I’m constantly switching identities/career paths and I still don’t feel comfortable where I’m at. I can’t hold a “normal” “typical” job, I get overstimulated so quickly and lash out at people for no reason.
I’ve been in a relationship for nearly 5 years and even though my boyfriend is loving and compassionate, and definitely my best friend, I have a strong urge to find a new partner. I think I feel bored with the predictability and routine. But I don’t want to leave him, there’s no reason I should do that as there is nothing wrong with our relationship.
I often find myself wanting others (especially other men) to feel sorry for me, so I share intimate details about my life so that they feel concerned for me. It’s like I want someone to take care of me, but I don’t understand why I want that. I would easily describe myself as unstable.
I know I should probably go to a therapist but I find myself feeling too nervous and then backing out of it.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
S

sadgirl

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2012
Messages
1,216
Location
in my own private hell
We can not diagnose on here your best bet is going to see your gp and getting him/her to refer you to a psycharist
 
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