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Do I have BPD?

N

natalieanne

New member
Joined
Mar 24, 2014
Messages
2
#1
I’m 24 and I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 18. I took Sertraline for years but finally realized the pills did not help me and was put on Prozac. That has improved things a little but it’s like there are big gaps that aren’t being filled. I recently thought that I may also suffer from PTSD from a sexual assault that occurred when I was 15. I also was emotionally neglected by my parents as a child. I figured that was the missing piece of the puzzle but I still feel like there’s just something straight up wrong with me.
I think about wanting to end my life almost every day. I don’t enjoy life, I don’t know when I ever really have since my childhood. I used to harm myself and I still feel the urge today. I constantly feel empty, while also having severe mood swings. Sometimes I have an outburst of anger for really small things and feel suicidal. A few hours later I’m optimistic about life and motivated to change. Obviously that doesn’t last long and soon I’m depressed/bitter/anxious again.
I’ve started vaping even though I’ve never smoked. I often have poor spending habits even though I know I shouldn’t be spending money. Sometimes I drink a lot to numb my emotions.
I don’t know who I am. I never have. I don’t know what my goals in life are. I’m constantly switching identities/career paths and I still don’t feel comfortable where I’m at. I can’t hold a “normal” “typical” job, I get overstimulated so quickly and lash out at people for no reason.
I’ve been in a relationship for nearly 5 years and even though my boyfriend is loving and compassionate, and definitely my best friend, I have a strong urge to find a new partner. I think I feel bored with the predictability and routine. But I don’t want to leave him, there’s no reason I should do that as there is nothing wrong with our relationship.
I often find myself wanting others (especially other men) to feel sorry for me, so I share intimate details about my life so that they feel concerned for me. It’s like I want someone to take care of me, but I don’t understand why I want that. I would easily describe myself as unstable.
I know I should probably go to a therapist but I find myself feeling too nervous and then backing out of it.
 
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S

sadgirl

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2012
Messages
1,185
Location
in my own private hell
#2
We can not diagnose on here your best bet is going to see your gp and getting him/her to refer you to a psycharist