• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

"do i have bipolar?"

bipolar/similar?

  • yes

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • no

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • likely

    Votes: 1 100.0%
  • unlikely

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • maybe

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    1
P

percy

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2009
Messages
2
WARNING: this is long, but well-formatted. there are a few questions near the bottom, but really i am happy for any comment you have at all :)

THANKS IN ADVANCE :)


when i write this , i am looking back at the past . i am ~24

i started working full time, for the first time, and , being around so many people so often , i realised that my "eccentricities" really were problematic in "normal" society

i was also drinking very heavily and frequently

to begin with i thought my "eccentricities" were just normal part of me and they didn't cause me any worry. increasingly , exacerbated by alcohol, i began to view them as "intrusive"

i would experience constant, racing "intrusive thoughts" . i would say think and say weird things and cause people to blink in astonishment.

when i saw certain people i really liked i would jump up and down and run after them shouting their name with glee

i would do things like play with objects, ask very random questions that people would laugh (or frown) and be like "WTF?" at

i would do things like draw on the veins of my hand with ink pen, because it interested me, seemed like a fun thing to do

(all of this stuff at work)

i put it down to boredom at first. then i started thinking it was simply due to my "obsessive" nature - i was simply obsessive/compulsive about "thinking" about things: that would explain my racing thoughts. i decided that, for example, i was very "interested" in "thinking about what people are thinking", and "thinking about what people think that i am thinking".

before christmas this year, stress from work and alcohol , exacerbated my condition to what you could describe as manic and border-line breakdown/psychotic. at one point i drove drunk to a shop to buy more alcohol, and contemplated how interesting it would be to go turn myself over to the police, just so i could experience what a jail is like

fortunately, coincidently, i had recently watched a program about some politician who had a mental breakdown , and managed to identify this in myself. i screwed my head on (sorta) and got through it without making a public exhibition of myself

i then began to realise/wonder that i might have a "condition"

i looked on the net and decided that - wow! the wiki about "hypomania" seems to fit me quite snugly. i got a blood test for thyroid problems and it came back negative.

the last few weeks , since i have been more aware and educated, i have realised a couple of things. initially i put them down to compulsiveness/obsessive behaviour. i am still quite certain that i exhibit very obsessive behaviour , HOWEVER , i now know that this COMES AND GOES.

a) MANY people will back me up when i say "i think i need mood stablisers". these are friends and coworkers , people who know me well and people who barely know me

b) every 2 weeks (or less?) i appear to have a hypomanic episode.

let me give this morning as an example. yesterday , and for the past 10 days, i have been hermitting in my room, not caring to leave the house or do anything at all. i have been watching stuff and playing solitary computer games.

this morning i woke up and said to my friend online, "i feel really elated today. this is the kind of day i would go out (in the morning, since i have no work atm) and get some alcohol".

c) i realised and decided definately that alcohol is NOT the cause of my swings. alcohol is something that i DO when i feel an "upswing". this is because i have always understood that alcohol is a "mood elevator" and i have always used it to enhance my mood when i am feeling good. i generally avoid alcohol when i am feeling bad because i know it will not bring me the pleasure i am after.

d) i further identify the episode:

the last ~10 days i have quit smoking cold turkey. i have also not been talking to a girl i like very much. i have NOT been obsessing about either of these things. however, today, i have VERY MUCH been obsessing about them, to the point of complete distraction. i had to go to a friends house and have "just one cigarette", and i tried to phone the girl multiple times.

i could have controlled these actions with willpower, but nevertheless the intense emotional difference between today and the previous week is so noticeable.

my first questions are here:

a) do/can episodes just "spring" upon you, like the difference between today and yesterday?

b) do/can episodes occur every 2 weeks, as i would say mine appear to?

note: i cannot tell you how long an "episode" lasts for at this stage. this is most definately because i immediately get totally drunk as soon as one occurs.

a result of getting drunk is that i now (since the last 12 months) get intolerable anxiety syndrome which begins the following afternoon and which is absolutely direly crippling. for the next 1-2 days i feel like i have "stage fright" continuously, my thoughts race manically - or i have absolutely zero concentration (seems to alternate, quite rapidly, from memory).

this anxiety issue is a whole different issue i feel - im just stressing that it takes over everything so its hard for me to consider my hypomania during this.


i might edit later with more/different information
i include a poll for those who do not want to type :)
 
Q

quality factor

Guest
hI THERE, we are not able to help you with a diagnosis, but IMO it would be helpful if you related your post to a GP who may refer you for assessment to your local CMHT.
In the meantime, keep a diary of your moods which may , in time , prove helpful to allow a professional to make a DX.
Good luck! QF.
 
P

percy

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2009
Messages
2
tnx, im just posting out of interest
i already have an appointment with a specialist
:)
 
D

Dollit

Guest
I've closed the poll because I don't think it's appropriate - the last time we had a similar one this was closed also.

It gives the impression that a diagnosis has been reached to anyone coming in here on a casual visit and that isn't beneficial to the forum.
 
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