"do i have bipolar?"

[percy]

WARNING: this is long, but well-formatted. there are a few questions near the bottom, but really i am happy for any comment you have at all

THANKS IN ADVANCE


when i write this , i am looking back at the past . i am ~24

i started working full time, for the first time, and , being around so many people so often , i realised that my "eccentricities" really were problematic in "normal" society

i was also drinking very heavily and frequently

to begin with i thought my "eccentricities" were just normal part of me and they didn't cause me any worry. increasingly , exacerbated by alcohol, i began to view them as "intrusive"

i would experience constant, racing "intrusive thoughts" . i would say think and say weird things and cause people to blink in astonishment.

when i saw certain people i really liked i would jump up and down and run after them shouting their name with glee

i would do things like play with objects, ask very random questions that people would laugh (or frown) and be like "WTF?" at

i would do things like draw on the veins of my hand with ink pen, because it interested me, seemed like a fun thing to do

(all of this stuff at work)

i put it down to boredom at first. then i started thinking it was simply due to my "obsessive" nature - i was simply obsessive/compulsive about "thinking" about things: that would explain my racing thoughts. i decided that, for example, i was very "interested" in "thinking about what people are thinking", and "thinking about what people think that i am thinking".

before christmas this year, stress from work and alcohol , exacerbated my condition to what you could describe as manic and border-line breakdown/psychotic. at one point i drove drunk to a shop to buy more alcohol, and contemplated how interesting it would be to go turn myself over to the police, just so i could experience what a jail is like

fortunately, coincidently, i had recently watched a program about some politician who had a mental breakdown , and managed to identify this in myself. i screwed my head on (sorta) and got through it without making a public exhibition of myself

i then began to realise/wonder that i might have a "condition"

i looked on the net and decided that - wow! the wiki about "hypomania" seems to fit me quite snugly. i got a blood test for thyroid problems and it came back negative.

the last few weeks , since i have been more aware and educated, i have realised a couple of things. initially i put them down to compulsiveness/obsessive behaviour. i am still quite certain that i exhibit very obsessive behaviour , HOWEVER , i now know that this COMES AND GOES.

a) MANY people will back me up when i say "i think i need mood stablisers". these are friends and coworkers , people who know me well and people who barely know me

b) every 2 weeks (or less?) i appear to have a hypomanic episode.

let me give this morning as an example. yesterday , and for the past 10 days, i have been hermitting in my room, not caring to leave the house or do anything at all. i have been watching stuff and playing solitary computer games.

this morning i woke up and said to my friend online, "i feel really elated today. this is the kind of day i would go out (in the morning, since i have no work atm) and get some alcohol".

c) i realised and decided definately that alcohol is NOT the cause of my swings. alcohol is something that i DO when i feel an "upswing". this is because i have always understood that alcohol is a "mood elevator" and i have always used it to enhance my mood when i am feeling good. i generally avoid alcohol when i am feeling bad because i know it will not bring me the pleasure i am after.

d) i further identify the episode:

the last ~10 days i have quit smoking cold turkey. i have also not been talking to a girl i like very much. i have NOT been obsessing about either of these things. however, today, i have VERY MUCH been obsessing about them, to the point of complete distraction. i had to go to a friends house and have "just one cigarette", and i tried to phone the girl multiple times.

i could have controlled these actions with willpower, but nevertheless the intense emotional difference between today and the previous week is so noticeable.

my first questions are here:

a) do/can episodes just "spring" upon you, like the difference between today and yesterday?

b) do/can episodes occur every 2 weeks, as i would say mine appear to?

note: i cannot tell you how long an "episode" lasts for at this stage. this is most definately because i immediately get totally drunk as soon as one occurs.

a result of getting drunk is that i now (since the last 12 months) get intolerable anxiety syndrome which begins the following afternoon and which is absolutely direly crippling. for the next 1-2 days i feel like i have "stage fright" continuously, my thoughts race manically - or i have absolutely zero concentration (seems to alternate, quite rapidly, from memory).

this anxiety issue is a whole different issue i feel - im just stressing that it takes over everything so its hard for me to consider my hypomania during this.


i might edit later with more/different information
i include a poll for those who do not want to type

 

[quality factor]

hI THERE, we are not able to help you with a diagnosis, but IMO it would be helpful if you related your post to a GP who may refer you for assessment to your local CMHT.
In the meantime, keep a diary of your moods which may , in time , prove helpful to allow a professional to make a DX.
Good luck! QF.

 

[percy]

tnx, im just posting out of interest
i already have an appointment with a specialist

 

[Dollit]

I've closed the poll because I don't think it's appropriate - the last time we had a similar one this was closed also.

It gives the impression that a diagnosis has been reached to anyone coming in here on a casual visit and that isn't beneficial to the forum.