• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Do I have an eating disorder?



New member
May 10, 2015

Sorry for the lengthy post ahead!

I am struggling quite a bit with my eating habits and my perceptions about eating. I have attempted to research on eating disorders and found that my eating habits fit into the "symptoms" of a few eating disorders. Please advice!

I think my BMI is underweight. I know it's stupid to want to lose weight, that's why I wish I could get some advice on how to stop having such silly thoughts and recover. I don't starve myself, but instead I tend to over-eat even when I am full. I can't control myself! I have 0 determination. This sounds like BED, but here's the thing: I only binge on things that I think are healthy. I binge on a lot of fruits, whole grains, nuts, salmon and other "healthy" food. I stay away from rice and added sugar a lot. I calculate my calories with an app every single day, for every meal I eat. This sounds a little like Orthorexia, except I eat healthy food not to feel pure and clean, but with an aim to lose weight. When I binge eat and feel bloated, I will hate on myself and spend the whole day feeling sad and disgusted at myself. Furthermore, I cannot stop thinking about what to eat for the next meal, for the rest of the day, or even for the next day. I plan my meals (but end up overeating anyway), and I tend to cook up excuses to avoid having to eat out with my friends. And if I do not have a choice, I'll research on the restaurant we're visiting and the calories of the food on the menu so that I could choose the "healthiest" dish that will not make me fat.

As if this is not enough, I began to lie about my eating habits. I take lots of photos of food (which my parents eat) and post it online, and this makes my friends think that I eat a lot. All of them are envious that I eat so much junk and still stay this skinny. I mean, I do eat a lot, but it's all the "healthy" food. Also they think I do not care about my body image, but I actually do. And I feel as though this "eating disorder" is controlling my life, the way I think, and my emotions. On some occasions when I really over-eat (like during buffets or feasting), I will attempt to purge (but this is very seldom). Isn't this a symptom of Bulimia?

It never was like that in the past. I was blessed with a skinny frame since I was a kid, and so I never had to even think of dieting. I liked to snack on junk food and I'll grab onto any opportunity to snack or eat fast food. When I was 14, I had fried chicken and boba tea almost every single day. And that's when I gained some weight in a year (but also I had a growth spurt of around 8cm during that time). I cannot fit into my jeans anymore and everyone who sees me tells me that I gained weight. Even then, I was just upset, but I don't control my diet. Only until 2 years ago, I began to cut down on my diet, and slowly this becomes the obsession with dieting now. Since then, I have lost some weight. Every time when I tell myself that I can eat like a normal person, I look at my friend (who eats so little- she can only eat one fruit in a day and starve, or just drink soup) and I feel like I'm a monster for eating so much. Every time when I get too busy and skipped my meals, I will feel so good about myself. Also I look at myself and then at the korean idols and think- "my god, my thighs are huge."

There are days where I let go of myself and indulge on things that I love, like cakes and ice cream and all, but I am really scared that in the future, I wouldn't even dare to touch it any longer. There are so many questions. Do I have an eating disorder? Is this normal? How can I stop this?

I really want to go back to being the happy girl that I used to be, eating things that I used to love but has now became my "fear food". I want to stop being depressed over this. I want to stop hiding and pretending that I eat alot of junk, when I don't. I want to love myself.

Please help.
And I thank you in advance for reading this lengthy post. :*)
Last edited by a moderator:


Active member
May 8, 2015
New Zealand
no one can really diagnose you properly except for a doctor or psychiatrist... in say that you do sound like you have some things you need to sort out. Is there anyone your seeing -psych related? or anyone you feel comfortable talking to about this?