Do I have a mental illness?

[Dean1199011]

Hi guys,

I know you guys can't give me a 100% diagnosis but would be nice to hear from others who have different kinds of issues that may relate to some of my symptoms. I can explain issue but might take some writing and about of rambling so bare with me please

My problems seemed to start when I was younger, as a kid I never had many friends and when I left school the majority of them moved on went to college, got gf's and are now settled so I got left behind. Due to personal issue at the time college was out of the question along with work. Fast track to now 11 years has gone I'm still friendless, still never had a gf or been with a girl and still jobless. My day has basically been the same wasting hours away with no where to go and no one to meet since I was a kid, I always wanted the things normal people have such as a nice girlfriend, days out with the Mrs making memories, some days kids ect but nothing fell in place for me to get these things... You need friends to make more friends and that's how you meet women, but I had no friends and had no where to go in order to make friends and because this continued for years I'm no longer the person I was. My bubbly jokester personality is now gone I'm serious and blunt, whenever people speak to me even my family I just hum to acknowledge that I hear or a "yeah". I dont know how to engage in meaningful conversation or to make it look like I actually want to talk or that I'm interested. I also don't look forward to anything anymore, I dont laugh, I rarely ever smile, I have no hobbies, no interest. The only thing I actually do care about is settling down with a gf and before I'm to old. Every night for the past 7 years I've gone to bed thinking about being this way forever, being stuck in this loop I go over it in my head how to break it. I wake up in hot sweats my heart racing. To make matters worse my hair is now thinning due to age which has knocked any remaining confidence I have left.


I always have a grate sense of urgency when i think my issues to the point of feeling sick with panic/fear. This is why I can't enjoy anything because it's there on my mind all the time. I went for a day out with my family to Blackpool and I remember seeing lots of young couples and nice looking women which made me feel miserable all day I didn't want to be there always something reminding me of all the precious time I lost, my youth is now gone and now all I have left is the boring, ugly aging stage. In my mind if I get to old then there's no longer any point anymore as I missed my window of opportunity.

 

[Keesha]

You are right. Nobody here can diagnose you.

It’s sounds like you are shy and an introverted loner. There are lots of people like this if that helps at all.

You say you sit at home doing nothing day after day. It’s no wonder you aren’t smiling or having any fun. You aren’t actually engaged in life.

Just some suggestions : you could start walking as well as find a hobby. Hobbies are a great distraction. They help take your mind of yourself and your problems. They distract you.

There’s painting, woodworking, gardening, music, colouring with crayons ( very soothing ) reading, cooking & baking. You might wish to get a journal and start jotting down some possibilities.

Perhaps your life isn’t interesting because you aren’t interested in life. Good luck in finding some personal passions

 

[Mistral]

When you were younger you seemed to have skipped the whole teenage years and gone straight to being an adult. In moving forward in your life accept that you cannot change the past but you can do something about the now.

Start doing some making up for lost years of not interacting with people. Take small steps when doing this. Do the simple things. Use more salutations in shops. i.e. say hello and thank you to every shop assistant no matter how you are feeling. Do the same with people who call at your door.

I would say you should do more playing or take up hobbies but that is difficult with Covid 19. As for friendship, that is a two-way thing as you know, but I would not worry about not having friends. Many people do not have many if any friends. Take small steps and do not get carried away by just talking to any stranger expecting them to be your friend. That rarely turns out well for someone who is not used doing it - except maybe on TV or in the movies. Start by improving on your interaction with the people you know now or people you have dealings with such as in shops as I have mentioned.

 

[Zaz2020]

The way the world is today I think all of humanity has a collective mental illness.

 

[Laudanum]

I don't know if you have a mental illness, but it's not really surprising that you don't feel good about your life if you just hang around the house all day, not doing much and having little control over your life. It's almost like being in solitary confinement and becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Maybe try little steps to improve your perception of yourself? Going for a walk, doing things (no matter how seemingly unimportant).

Once you love yourself (easier said than done, I know), people are more likely to gravitate towards your positivity. Negativity tends to repel people.

 

[HLon99]

Dear Dean,

I am no doctor, and I cannot explicitly comment on the social issue that you have been having concerning friendships, relationship and your occupation. However, from what you said you seem to be definitely struggling with anxiety, perhaps GAD or panic disorder as well as low mood, maybe depression. And perhaps this is linked to a decline in your ability to maintain healthy relationships and a career as well as a flattening of personality. I can relate to a lot of what you say when I am depressed, I have a tendency to isolate myself socially, I loose motivation for many things in life, and have a very pessimistic outlook on the future.

I think this is absolutely something that you should speak to you GP about. There is no shame in seeking help, its a sign of strength, not weakness to admit that you have a problems and to deal with it. You may want to consider starting on medication and/or psychotherapy. It certainly has helped me a great deal.

all the best,
-H

 

[OCDguy]

If it helps I think generally taking action and doing something positive lifts our moods. The best way to connect with others is by reaching out (like you have done by posting on this forum for example). If you have interests, stand out values, this could be a good way to form connections. As others have said confiding in your Doctor etc. could be a good positive step forward. Hope this helps

 

[Dean1199011]

Thanks for the replies guys some really interesting points raised. When I said I stay in the house all day well that's not entirely true as I'll go out in my car to town or I'll go the gym now n then but only in attempt to feel good as it's supposed to release a stress suppressing hormone but other than that I'm in the house all day. I have tried to be around social settings as much as I can but I've found everyone keeps to themselves. I've been going that gym for over 12 years and not once has any tried to engage in conversation with me. I could get a job but I know it's not going to change a thing I feel adding a dead end job to my issues is just going to make matters worse even the thought of earning money now has no appeal because i no longer have any need for it. All these things people work for are orientated around the future and a family both something I will never have.

Over the years I've tried everything, worked on my appearance, dress smart, got a good amount of muscle on me from being at the gym for that long I think I've exhausted ever option that I felt would make a difference. How do you guys get on with everyday life when something's really weighing you down like that, how do you distract yourself? I just don't understand why it's this hard to have a normal life like everyone else l don't see others going through all this.

 

[Mistral]

I think if your purpose in life is something as general as have a normal life, then you are unlikely to get very far. Same goes for happiness, if your goal is to be happy then you will probably get lost.

If you do not need to work to get money, there are other reasons to work. Such as to make more money that will enable you to have more options with regard to trying to have a social life. Also, there are many people whose principal means of cultivating friendships and having a social life is through their work. That applies to all types of jobs. High powered interesting jobs to the dullest ones. So cutting off the option of getting a job puts you immediately at a disadvantage with regards to helping yourself.

 

[jajingna]

The way the world is today I think all of humanity has a collective mental illness.

Same as it ever was.

 

[OCDguy]

Some jobs involve working with the public. Meeting new people within a job role could be just what you are looking for... You sound quite proficient within your gym. Perhaps you could add a lot of value to other people starting out. Why not join a mixed fitness class and get to know people there. There are so many ways these days to reach out to like minded people and stretch Social Circles. Reaching out to others' for help is also another great of connecting. Turning your thoughts on how to reach out and connect with others' may well bring about so many other opportunities too that you possibly might not have thought of yet. Sharing your successes will also inspire others...