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distressed from past nasty comment

midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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keep replaying it from when i was 19 she said i led him on i'm a hoe and i not talking gardening :cry:
 
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Zoe1

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Midnight if someone spoke like that to a friend of yours
what would you say ?
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Midnight if someone spoke like that to a friend of yours
what would you say ?
i'd be upset at the person who called them a hoe

she literally said "i saw you you led him on your a hoe" :cry:

like she thinks men cannot control their own actions

idk

maybe it was my fault

maybe i did lead him on

idk
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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basically i was 19 he was my driving instructor and he started off doing stuff like buy me chocolate bars then escalated it to actually groping me and family member saw him groping me and after he left she said what she said cause i didnt fight him off or anything i froze not fight or flight but froze :cry:
 
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smallgeezer

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You should not be blamed for this @midnightphoenix . if someone has blamed you for this they are victim shaming you.

Many predators become driving instructors so they can prey on young women who are over the age of 16 but they are still young and vulnerable.

This has happened to other people.

The driving instructor has probably done this to many other young women.

I am not sure how long ago this was. If this person is still a driving instructor, you could report him to the police, if you want to.

It was not your fault. You were paying for driving lessons. You did not lead him on. He is a predator.
 
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Zoe1

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yes you can still report him

I find many of us with MH issues
have also other relatives who are not well
so its possible your relative is ill
to say something like that to you

NOT MIDNIGHTS FAULT !

:hug5:
 
I

indigo6

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Midnight... :hug5:
you were young he was old(er) he should know better. He had a daughter near your age, thats not right is it.
Going to say something straight and true about the crone that said it was all you.... theres some women that can be utter bitches. Spiteful, jealous, they are the first with a knife at your back. How old was she?(past your age) did she like him secretly?(why her~you~ not me) was she jealous of you for some reason? (women are so competitive about other women anything will do-are your eyelashes a micrometer longer? -oh that will do) Oh they are, shocking competitive.
Dont! beat yourself up. Think on what Ive said, find a reason. Or better yet dont think, bringing this up in the other thread has cracked the drawer open, this is why its playing on your mind. Be strong, will that drawer shut. Willow n Tigger are wanting some cuddles x
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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idk what he's doing now, if i was to report it there would be no evidance its too long ago now :/

relative who said it is elderly, easily in her 70s maybe 80s now
 
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EstherRose94

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Blame it on the relative losing her marbles in old age. She was 100% wrong and you don’t have to doubt it.

I can completely understand the way you were acting and can easily see myself behaving the same in that situation. It could have been any young girl and wasn’t your fault. If someone the age of my father was being sweet or giving me chocolate I’d just think he was trying to be nice/fatherly. Wouldn’t cross my mind it was sinister or that he was eyeing me. And of courseI would have been nice back because again if he’s like the age of my parents, we’re taught to respect and be sweet to our “elders”. I would have just thought he was this quirky dude trying to be nice. Not to mention I’m already not a good driver and I think a driving instructor is the last person I’d need to offend.

he took advantage of being older and in power of your license, etc. all you did was react in a way that would have of course seemed appropriate in that circumstance.

stuff like this is Never the victims fault. He knew you didn’t want him to do anything creepy. he just did it anyway.

if you don’t report him after all this time I understand. It could be stressful and time consuming.
 
TulipIceCream

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So what he did with the chocolate bar buying and all that is called grooming. Abusers do this on purpose to trick their victim into believing they played a role or to step up from innocent friendly behavior. I was abused too. I had a hard time believing that anyone could do anything in a planned, calculated way, because I could, really imagine lashing out in a short burst of frustration and anger. But, this abuse, it's calculated and evil at its core.

The family member who said it was somehow your fault because you didn't fight him off is WRONG! She is only saying that IMHO because it is easier for HER to blame you then be angry at the real cause, this would put her into danger and she does not want to face the attacker because she is a coward.

Don't feel bad about yourself! The actions of another person are THEIR own choice. I also think that it is evil that there is a statute of limitations on abuse as a child. People take awhile to understand/learn that what happened to them was wrong and the evil doers go free. It's definitely not ok! I was confused throughout my teens and 20's about all the abuse I suffered but now I know better.
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

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Not angry at you at all Midnight Phoenix! I want to punch this guy this, and probably did it to more young people, he took on the job of driving instructor and probably did it to target vulnerable people. I want to punch him in his stupid face and beat him up!
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Not angry at you at all Midnight Phoenix! I want to punch this guy this, and probably did it to more young people, he took on the job of driving instructor and probably did it to target vulnerable people. I want to punch him in his stupid face and beat him up!
i thought you was going to say yuo wanted to kick him in the nuts and i not talking what squirrels eat :redface:
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

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I would actually like to punch him. He is probably really old now and that's easy to beat him! I was molest by a teacher when I was a child and I had no idea that it was bad because I was a kid and I felt that it was all my fault. But now i am supremely angry and I want to punch him and beat him with a metal bar! That is the only justice!
 
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