Dissolved morals dissolved me?

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BelKG

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2019
Messages
5
#1
Hey there,

First of all, thank you for hearing me out.

I began to work a few months ago and i stressed myself out a number of times. I didnt (want to) realize that im surrounded by people with low morals: cheaters and liars. At first i tried to "get into the group" but later when i realized what kind of people i was dealing with i separated myself from the group, i tried not to accept/follow their habits. So i became the target. I was deceived and played with a number of times. And i didnt even call them out for it. They drained my energy completely.

In order to be a victim one has to act like one. I know this, thats why i blame myself for being stupid and naive.

Im a highly moral person, i always try to see the better side of people and forget their past negative actions. That, along with the basic perception that most people are inherently good is now broken in me. I dont know myself anymore (why do i have thoughts of revenge?)

It seems i sabotaged myself staying there for too long, letting them do what they do. They pulled me down, and as i can imagine they are now cheering that i fell.

Around the time when i realized whats going on, i developed tinnitus, a high piched ringing sound in my ear, along with constant dizziness which basically stops me from doing anything productive - search for a new job for example - and be a complete burden on my family. Also i have oversensitive hearing now, maybe that is what activates the dizziness. Im ~24 years old living with my parents. They have trouble anyway, i dont want to enlarge their burden.

Doctors found no evidence of physical cause, so it seems its a psychological issue. I have some will to live, but i dont want to live this way. Im scared that it will never go away. Its hard to concentrate. This is why im constantly thinking about ending my story here.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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Jun 11, 2017
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1,416
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USA
#2
In order to be a victim one has to act like one. I know this, thats why i blame myself for being stupid and naive
Hi there.

That sentence bothered me because it's not true.You are victim blaming,and you were the victim,not because you were stupid and naive but because those people are assholes.

I have tinnitus,I always have my whole life,it used to be constant but now it's off and on.It's just something I have had to learn to live with.

Are you seeing a professional to help you with all of this?If not,maybe it might be a good idea,it's always nice to have a therapist or counselor to discuss things with to get a different perspective from an outsider.
 
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BelKG

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2019
Messages
5
#3
Hey there SunnyDaze

Maybe you are right. I just think that i could do better/somehow else. It would have been best to carry myself as someone i look up to and/or care for.

It seems hard to live like this. When i get this dizziness - which usually comes out of nowhere especially when i walk around - i loose my balance, afraid to fall, become scatterbrained etc. I want to become someone who is accountable and more focused once more, but if i cannot even hold my own body... see.

I thought about seeking for professional help, but i don't want to be recorded as someone "psychologically fragile" and the exact consequences and possible disadvantages are unknown to me.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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Dec 26, 2015
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basketville
#4
There are some peeps who see folk with morals and it affronts them be that consciously or subconsciously and they set out to ruin you. That is their base line.

Peeps like this are very toxic as you have discovered. And at the same time because you sound like a friendly and kind person you give them the benefit of the doubt or may even excuse their behaviour.

I think these characters can create all kinds of havoc not just mentally but spiritually as well.

What is very important from I am reading is to cut all ties with individuals like this. Be aware that because you are a kind person that individuals like this will take liberties with you.

Don’t let them win. You have a good heart please don’t let them have the victory. Pick yourself up and do it differently. And definitely keep your personal life personal in an environment like this work place.

They don’t deserve your respect is the bottom line. But the flip side is that be polite but keep it brief that way they have no levers to mess with your head.

Really sorry that this is happening to you
 
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BelKG

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2019
Messages
5
#5
Hey there Blacksmoke,

Today i cut all ties with them. I think this is a step towards relief. And your advice about politeness and distance is definitely on point.
I even have a feeling that i'm healing right now and its getting better.
I highly appreciate it, thank you so much:)

When i was closest to someone called balanced and whole, i was not that afraid, used my sensitivity as a strength, dared to do things. Im not sure why i chose a harsh, stressful, crowded workplace.
This experience was like a self fulfilling prophecy, which says: you have to choose well to find your place. If not...
I hope i will find mine soon.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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Dec 26, 2015
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basketville
#6
Yeah that is good. It’s a gradual process. But cutting ties is good its rather like have a hard prune in the garden!

Good that you feel …healing right now…those individuals mess with your inner peace.

Well if nothing else you have learnt from this. Which is all that we can do really.

just be mindful of how folk affect you sometimes this is not always clear you get better at this as you go along in life. you start to spot those peeps a lot earlier before they get under your skin