Dissociative Identity Disorder and clinical Depression

[Sophie]

I have just been diagnosed with Clinical Depression and Dissociative Identity Disorder.I have been depressed since September , but December it got a lot worse .I have been doing and saying things that I don't remember .I think before the diagnosis , my husband thought that I was lying .I have also become very paranoid .A week ago we were going out for the night .Before this I had planed to make the night as normal as possible , as I knew that when we got back I was going to end my life .When we got home my husband took the dogs out , I then took 25 Valium and 25 sleeping pills .I told my husband to go to bed,and I would join him when the sleeping pill kicked in .Unfortunately my husband came into the room where I was , and found me slumped .So I failed ,I ended up in hospital , at one stage they said that I was in a very bad way and in a coma .
A few nights after this I went to bed .I have no memory off what happened .My husband said that he didn't want to sleep with me , he had blocked the door to stop me getting in to him . I smashed the glass pane in the door , then climbed through , then collapsed and was unconscious .I was taken to hospital again , they put restraints on me , as I was abusive .I was then taken to a secure Psychiatric hospital .I was still abusive , but calmed down and was crying .I saw the Psychiatrist and told her how I was feeling , and that I wanted to die .She wanted to keep me in , we live in Spain and I don't speak much Spanish .My husband explained this to her , he said that he would keep all my medication , and that he had cut his hours at work .The Psychiatrist made this diagnosis , she has changed my medication .I am due to see a Psychiatrist this week . I don't feel any better , I still want to end my life .I have also started cutting myself .My life at the moment is terrible .My one regret is that my husband who I love dearly came into the room when he did .
Sophie

 

[ms_P]

Hi Sophie.
PM me if you like.
Take care.

 

[ms_P]

Sophie...my ex-husband actually saw me take 2,000mg diazepam and 1,000mg tryptizol.
I went to lay down and he left me for 18 hours saying he thought I was tired.
Fully dressed, overnight, and not having moved an inch.

I woke up in the nuthouse after a 2 week coma. On the street with nothing & no one.

He wanted to play the poor widower. Instead, he lied through his teeth when I wasn't present to defend myself.
He'd had someone else for a year previous and I wasn't worth the alimony.

I haven't seen my kids in 5 years.

I'm here...I will listen.

 

[Sophie]

mp_P
Hi ,
I am so sorry what you went through .I hope you don't mind me saying this , but what a terrible callous man your husband is .I just can' imagine anyone doing this to another person .He practical nearly killed you .I just hope people find out the truth about what he did to you .I wish you well .

 

[ms_P]

Hi Sophie
He will get his eventually. Perhaps when my children are grown up.


Anyway...this thread isn't about me...I was trying to give you an example so you knew I understood where you are coming from about having had an o.d.

By all rights and logic I shouldn't have survived but I did. There must be a reason.

Take care Sophie and you can always pm me if you like.

(Do you know how to pm (private message)?)

 

[Sophie]

Hi ms_P,At the moment I am feeling calm, but still sad and very depressed .I guess that's down to all the medication,At the moment I am on 8 pills , tomorrow 1 of the anti depressants will be doubled .Yesterday I was very tired , I feel asleep at 9pm , my husband woke me up to go to bed .Today I didn't wake until 10-30 .Any house work that's needs doing ,I do in the morning as I am more alert .When I am asleep I welcome it if that makes sense ,It relives me of the terrible place that I am in , in my mind .Saying that , sometimes I have terrible nightmares .Hope your ok
Sophie

 

[Sophie]

I'm sick of feeling like this .

I am sick of feeling like I do ,trying to put a mask on so my husband thinks I'm getting better .Inside my body I just feel dead ,I am crying inside , and my head is all screwed up and screaming .I just wish that I could go to sleep and never wake up again .This isn't living , it's a torturers real life living nightmare .I am constantly tired , even though I take a sleeping pill I am not getting much sleep .I feel so depressed ,I have no interest in anything .How much longer is this going to last for ,or how much more of this can I take ,I ask myself ?
Today I went to see the psychologist ,I came out feeling worse than ever .He said that he was very concerned about me ,and that I had serious problems .He said that if I felt like hurting myself ,or doing anything ,to go straight back to the hospital .My next appointment is the end of the month .Lets see if I can last that long .My husband keeps all my medication ,if it was here I would take the lot .
Sophie

 

[keepsafe]

Hey Sophie,

That seems a long time until your next appointment with the psychologist - but I guess you know that if you are talking about things that are going to make you more prone to feelings of suicide it's probably a good thing to take things slowly. Have you got any other type of support or any coping strategies that you can try? The main thing is to try and get through now and try not to think in to the future. Please if you get any worse and you think that you may be of a danger to yourself - go to the hospital.

Thinking of you
KS

 

[Sophie]

I'm sick of feeling like this .

This morning I didn't feel to bad .Me and my husband went into to town to do a bit of shopping .We went into shops looking at clothes and different things.We then went into a bar for a coffee , everything had been fine .Then for no reason I just started crying ,sorry to use the word , but I feel worse than crap .It is embarrassing when you are out and this happens .we were once in a shop ,I had to go outside ,and there I was a pathetic being crying outside in the street.
Sophie
.

 

[Sophie]

Hi
this week I have been feeling worse than ever. I tried a few times to to call my BIL, all I wanted to do was talk to someone. I have joined a few mental health forums. Last night I was on another forum, posting about how I felt, and crying at the same time. I just felt so desperate and alone, I thought how much more can I take feeling like this. My husband came and saw the state I was in and the post, we talked about it for awhile. I told him that my psychologist has said that any time I felt bad , I could go to the hospital. He asked if I wanted to go, I was that desperate, I said that I did.I packed some over night things in case they kept me in ,that's how desperate I was,has I don't speak a lot of Spanish. We went to the local one, but was told that we needed to go to another one about 45mins away, as they was no psychologist there at that time. We arrived at the hospital and was seen straight away, I told him how I was feeling,and that I was feeling suicidal. He told me that I should not be drinking while on the medication. 1 of the anti depressants that I am on, has been doubled. I had to have an injection in the backside, this is for the vitamins lost when I have a drink, I have to go to the doctors for 5 more. He has prescribed another anti depressant, and some multi vitamins . If I still feel really bad by next Sunday , I have to go back . This morning I got upset and was crying,I didn't get a Mothers day card from my son, just a text. My husband tried to calm me down, he said that he is a young lad , and they do forget things like that. He said that my son does love me, I told him not to make excuses for him. I am due to see the psychologist next week.I am still doing odd things that I don't remember, only small things, but it really upsets me.Some times I can't even get my computer to work, has I am not putting the right password .
Sophie

 

[Sophie]

Last week I felt much better, though tired, probably down to the medication. On Saturday we went out, my husband said that I smiled twice that day. The first time since 14/12/08. I saw the psychologist today, my next appointment is in May unless he gets a cancellation. This afternoon I started to feel myself getting low very fast. When my husband came home I told him, he said that he knew this morning that I was not my usually self. I just hope that I don't have a week like last time.
I am sick of feeling like this, I just want to get back to normal. We have a lot of land where we grow vegetables, I usually do that but I have no interest in it, in fact I don't even go out onto the land. I used to love dressmaking, knitting, reading, and painting, but now I have no interest in it. I used to sing, but not now.
How much more can my mind take? I just want to get better.
Sophie

 

[Sophie]

depression

Everyday seems to get worse. I am so tired, but not getting my sleep on a night.I am waiting for an appointment to see the psychiatrist, about changing my sleeping pills. Next week I see the psychologist. I just wish that I could go to sleep and never wake up again. I am also having suicidal thoughts again, thinking of different things. I think my husband would be better off without me. I have spent most of the day and last night crying.

 

[unlucky]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad Sophie, I'm afraid I've nothing constructive to say except I'm thinking of you and I think you're husband would disagree that hes better off without you. This is always what I try to hold onto because I've lost someone very dear to suicide and he thought no-one would care and they would be better off and the majority of the time its just not true. I really hope you feel better soon xxx

 

[Atomics Asylum]

we have DID too sorry that things are hard for you all

Rei