• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Discussion: Can two borderlines be together?

Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
As in a couple or as in friends living together? Either way, I suppose, that's an interesting question. And not just for BPD sufferers, it could apply to any couple or potential couple both with MH issues.

But, as you state borderlines: I don't think that they should not be together but I think that a greater deal of effort and understanding would be required to maintain the relationship. On one side, you have empathy and would be able to understand better what the other is going through but, on the other-hand, relationships, attachments (and often people) can typically be problematic for some borderlines. Of course, on top of this, you've got you've got the usual relationship qualms.

I don't think you should ever say no simply because someone has a mental health problem.

What are your thoughts on this?
 
N

notrealname

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2009
Messages
766
I think like the above poster said, any two people with mental health problems may face more challenges, it really depends where they're at at that time and whether they are both equally committed to getting well. I find that if I am with someone else who is prone to anxiety, I get more anxious, because they kind of trigger it in me. The only people I've ever ended up arguing with (very rarely get angry) is if their insecurities kind of dovetail with mine and we're pressing each other's buttons, so for myself I tend to look for very emotionally stable people because they won't set me off. That doesn't mean it won't work, it's just that if you have insecurities, sometimes someone else with insecurities can accidentally trigger them because you can't give each other supportive messages if you're both upset...if that makes sense...

On the other hand, you'd hope you'd understand each other and have empathy for each other's conditions.
 
mixtape02

mixtape02

Active member
Joined
Dec 23, 2014
Messages
28
From what I've read and learned, BPD is a disorder which would require a strong, dominant, mental disorder-free partner to keep the Borderline person grounded. A really understanding person who doesn't face the same exact issues and lack of empathy in fights/quarrels and doesn't create emotional plane crashes every day, coinciding with, or while the other Borderline is not fighting.

Last time I encountered two Borderlines in the same room they had a long fist fight over the stupidest little disagreement and one kicked the other out.
 
Mayfair

Mayfair

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 12, 2010
Messages
36,676
Location
8,539
From what I've read and learned, BPD is a disorder which would require a strong, dominant, mental disorder-free partner to keep the Borderline person grounded. A really understanding person who doesn't face the same exact issues and lack of empathy in fights/quarrels and doesn't create emotional plane crashes every day, coinciding with, or while the other Borderline is not fighting.

Last time I encountered two Borderlines in the same room they had a long fist fight over the stupidest little disagreement and one kicked the other out.
Bold: Whatever you've read, this is nonsense.

If you'd read this:

'BPD is a disorder which could require a strong, dominant, mental disorder-free partner to keep the Borderline person grounded'

then it's slightly more plausible that someone actually wrote that, but still nonsense!

The is such an example of 'categorization' that it defies belief.

-

This is my answer:

Question: Discussion: Can two borderlines be together?

Answer: Yes.

In fact if the question was 'Can any two humans be together, regardless of their colour, their race, their sex, or their societal category?'

Answer: Yes.
 
mixtape02

mixtape02

Active member
Joined
Dec 23, 2014
Messages
28
To be fair, I assumed they meant "Do you think that could be a successful relationship?" I don't think people ask questions here asking "Is this plausible in any possible realm of possibility ever?" :peace:
 
B

broken1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2015
Messages
104
Location
U.S.
Hmmm. I'm BPD. ..hubby is schizophrenic. In ways we understand each other better because of it. I can empathize with his issues. But I wondered the same thing...two BPD ppl???
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2008
Messages
13,624
Wow how discriminating
 
C

clusterbperson

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2015
Messages
2
Really. Is there not a single forum for people who struggle with these issues that doesn't have people coming in and saying hateful, dehumanizing things?
 
C

Claresworld

New member
Joined
Oct 31, 2018
Messages
3
Like staring in a reincarnation of the Shining movie

So lets give a break down of the last 24 hours of my double BPD relationship, so me and my partner booked tickets for South Africa, turns out he lives 4km from Umlazi (which is a township that has the highest murder rate in SA), he was simply showing me pictures of Dolphins and surfing, failed to mention that little Gem, turns out going outside wont be the best idea, the local gym was attempted to be blown up and facebook page shows missing persons all the time in his direct area, me thinking coping with this and his male BPD, would turn into a total disaster, I mentioned maybe meeting him in Indo ( last part of trip that doesn't include sharks, shooting and explosions). Storming around, saying "Whatever MATE", do what you must do, I wont be coming back next season and am immigrating to Australia, then came back from work and called me a "cu*nt", twice whilst I was lying in bed, then said I look like a fking man, so then my BDP kicks and I say he has a small "ck", then I attempt to throw him out, throwing his stuff outside, he starts to get totally psychotic, his eyes glaze over, looks like the only thing thats stopping him kicking the shit out of me is the fact that I been doing boxing training for last few years, had I be a weaker build then who knows. Then I swear he is out, then he comes in promising the world, putting on full charm offensive going on and on, and the cycle starts again. I thought he had finally calmed down as promised never to do it again, and he bring up my retaliation comment to him saying I was a "cu*nt", stating how damaging as a man that was to say, calling me a bitch and the relationship was over and he is leaving, not actually thinking about his behaviour before, I beg him to leave but he refuses and climbs back through the window after I get the police to remove him. This is a normal day to day life, with some weeks of romance and mindblowing times, then crazy lows, crazy highs. Problem is all this anger he is projecting on to me, is going to release itself in one big explosion, where I inwardly or outwardly project this. I think he lacks any self awareness or control over his BDP? There is no help offered in Cornwall, no mental health funding here anymore, the forgotten County,
 
soulsearcher

soulsearcher

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 19, 2016
Messages
4,200
i dont see why not....
 
C

Candy19

Guest
depends on the severity of both I guess, 2 people with BPD being friends can be hard enough, but I do think BPDers can be passionate lovers and help each other if done right, there would just have to be a lot of trust and communication
 
C

CameraGirl

New member
Joined
Jun 4, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Illinois
Well, I think it depends on the two borderlines, and their gender. My mom and I both have BPD, and we are the best of friends. At times, we may have misunderstandings, but they are rare. I have been in two relationships with guys with BPD, and they started out wonderfully. However, sooner than later, the misunderstandings would start, and the relationships both ended in unresolved conflict. :,(
 
C

CameraGirl

New member
Joined
Jun 4, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Illinois
cont'd of previous comment: What makes it worse--I have the type of BPD where I lash out at myself, rarely lashing out at the other person. So when a guy with BPD lashes out at me, I lash out at myself, which results in me feeling twice-blamed and doubly hated.
 

Similar threads

Top