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Discussing Personal Experiences

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Gabzgrl89

Member
Joined
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
6
Location
West Virginia
I really like the idea of open-dialogue where I could share my personal experiences without fear of being judged. I'm mostly isolated at home and have been for the past few months; so feeling quite "stuck in my head" and I can't discuss my experiences on typical schizophrenia forums because the thread will be locked.

I pointed out that the label itself was created by a Eugenicist I guess that's not often brought up; Eugenics that led to the Nazi persecution of Mentally Ill people like people with Bipolar, Schizophrenia, Autism, Homosexuals and Jews were all targeted in the Nazi regime and its an uncomfortable subject, but should be brought up because like Jews were targeted for their spiritual beliefs I feel so are people who have "schizophrenia" and I have felt this myself:

I have a different view of God, I was brought up Catholic and I still believe in the holy spirit and God within me but I do not see him as an authoritarian man in the sky---and I want to be able to reject mainstream treatment but am finding it impossible to do so. I can't put my "irrational" experiences within the paradigm of mainstream definitions of schizophrenia because I have had evidence of my experience, I am rational about them.

I took the SAT1 when I was thirteen and scored college level 880 about average for a college student back then; recently was able to access my scores through Johns Hopkins. It would be nice if research could have the participation of people who have the formal diagnosis of schizophrenia because although medication seems to work, I had less symptoms over time as I have adapted to the symptoms and so called disease of the mind.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
3,774
Location
Sheffiield
I hope you feel comfortable enough to share your experiences, I too have the opinion that psychosis and schizophrenia are seriously misunderstood 'illnesses' or 'diseases' lol, I can't even say illnesses or diseases without laughing.

I have my very own personal beliefs regarding psychosis and schizophrenia and will just say they don't fit into any model or box that psychologists would like to put us in.

Anything more you can say about your experience would be of great interest to me.

I'll end by saying welcome to the forums!
 
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Gabzgrl89

Member
Joined
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
6
Location
West Virginia
I had a good childhood mostly; my mom was a peace activist, my dad a software engineer. He stayed loyal to her through the end but they are not compatible in their values so I took the SAT1 when I was in seventh grade I was thirteen. I scored average for a college student. Studied civil rights; dealt with a lot of jealous girls and bullying from both genders even though back then I had been super skinny and attractive. Then my parents sent me to a boarding school in HS; I was harassed/bullied/stressed myself on a camping trip and other things happened that caused me to wake up one morning crying and asking to go home.

then I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I was forced Risperdal, and then more medications after a suicide attempt, and then more medications and "broken" at fifteen to comply with forced medications and thorazine for refusing medications/isolation. Then I was "catatonic" because of the mental abuse. Put on Abilify stayed on that until seventeen, went off it, got super rebellious, got in a fight and was baker acted for breaking some china. Then put on geodon, started hearing voices for the first time I recall, relapsed, sent back, more medication. Released on abilify, took the GED then SAT again and didn't even go back to HS was not homeschooled but smart enough to pass the GED almost to qualify for a scholarship.

Have in the mean-time done a lot of self-work and actualization to break the conditioning and abusive "sickness" label and constantly butting heads with my parents mostly my dad about my values and philosophies. Practiced meditation, realized I have a higher energy than many people which makes sense. Things are ok right now but I don't like being medicated and have no support at age thirty-one to withdraw from them. I am about to finish my Associates in Social Work in a year or so because I have enough credits it won't take long.

I'm only taking two classes this fall. That's the best way I can describe it. Just a lot of trauma, labels, suffering and mental abuse because whether or not they admit it- being told you are crazy broken and sick when you are completely rational and just have a different opinion feels abusive and painful; but it was more than that--yes i had extreme fears at times, mostly induced by the constant extra-sensory and paranormal stuff but I overcame that and often Anti-depressants or other medications like SSRIs Lexapro etc.
 
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