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Discussing euthanasia

Kerome

Kerome

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It's very sad, that Becky who was originally there to help you, is now making you furious and getting you thrown into seclusion. And also that her presence is making you seek euthanasia. I feel for you and your family.
 
Poppy12

Poppy12

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I am so sad to read you are seeking euthanasia Viktoria. Have you tried being fully co operative with the doctors and nurses who are trying to treat you? It's just that if you won't even let them do a blood test it seems you are not compliant with your treatment. Surely euthanasia is a last resort after properly following the care and treatment offered to you over a period of many years? I'm sorry if I've got it wrong, it's just you're so very young and it wasn't so long ago you were looking forward to going to university. You can still go - you have your whole life ahead of you. Things can get better - they truly can.
 
V

Viktoria

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Thanks you both.

Yesterday I attempted suicide. They pressed their alarm and all staff and security came running. They said my pulse was low, my face was blue and my temperature was low.
I had to go to seclusion for an hour. Then the duty doctor came and felt that I couldn't come to reliable agreement so I had to stay the night.
They were very worried that I wouldn't make it.
Today I'm gonna discuss euthanasia with my psychiatrist.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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i wish i had something wonderful and special to say that would make all your problems go away but i don't
all i can say is im truly sorry you suffer so much viktoria xx i wish there was something i could do to help
i hope you find a way through this xx
 
V

Viktoria

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Thanks Lu and Marliee.

I just lied to a nurse saying that someone already locked my bathroom door. She went to check and found out it was still open. She said 'come to your room'. I said 'no'. She sent everybody out of the living room and said it again, 'come to your room'. So I followed her. She said 'This morning we agreed that if we see you unwell, you stay in your room for an hour, and lying about the bathroom door being locked is not funny, it's very serious and you're going to stay in your room for an hour'. I said 'It wasn't meant to be funny, I just want the door to be open'.

I crave a cigarette but gonna have to wait a while.........
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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I am sorry you feel so low Viktoria. you can still have a good a life. I wish you the best.
 
SoggySlippers

SoggySlippers

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Hi Viktoria,I would like to ask you a few questions,if that's okay....

If you could have a 'perfect' life,what would it look like?

What are your goals?

What are your problems in this exact moment in time?Not anything from the past,not anything that could or might happen in the future,I mean right now,in this moment

If you could change one thing about yourself,what would it be?
 
V

Viktoria

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If you could have a 'perfect' life,what would it look like?
I would still be with my ex, studying in England, trying for a baby and getting married.

What are your goals?
Being given euthanasia.

What are your problems in this exact moment in time?Not anything from the past,not anything that could or might happen in the future,I mean right now,in this moment
Depression, being suicidal, being sectioned and being forced medication.

If you could change one thing about yourself,what would it be?
I'd get rid of my depression.

So I spoke to the hospital GP today and we discussed the steps that I need to take to get euthanasia. It's a tough road but rather than someone being traumatised by finding me dead somewhere, I'd like to do it in a peaceful way with my family by my side. I need to write a letter first, then it will be discussed by the staff, then there will be a second opinion and any treatment that needs to be tried first (probably ECT) and then a decision will be made as to whether I can get euthanasia.

Last night I attempted suicide again. A patient found me. I was taken to seclusion again for the night and now I have to be in my bedroom whenever staff are on a break or having a meeting and I'm not allowed in the garden anymore.
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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small town Ontario, Canada
Victoria I'm sorry but considering you are talking to the doctors for better solutions than a trumatic end to your life, why are you continuing to try for that exact thing you don't want to happen. You can't blame staff for doing what they are doing to try to keep you safe when they can't turn they're backs on you for a moment without you making an attempt. You are not helping yourself by doing this, when are you going to try helping yourself instead of hurting yourself. This is very irrational. I feel so bad for your suffering. Please, please try to help yourself, for you, for your brother and for your family. You must stop yourself from doing this.
 
Yellowbrickbridge

Yellowbrickbridge

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Aug 25, 2015
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Viktoria, I cried when reading your story I know this probably wont make you feel better but I hope there is an after life where we will find peace if you do choose euthanasia.

Jonny
 
Kerome

Kerome

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I agree Gajolene, I also think Viktoria is behaving irrationally, that there has been a kind of breakdown between her stated goals and what she actually does. It doesn't speak of a healthy state of mind.

If you look at the answers to SoggySlippers' questions, that perfect life - a potential husband, a baby, study - is not out of reach. There is no reason that if the depression can be untangled that life could look like that in a few years time. So what is driving the urge to commit suicide?

Viktoria dear, life could still be good, if you can get past this difficult period. I hope you can find some happiness and let go of some of the things that plague you.

Big hugs :hug:
 
V

Viktoria

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Thanks all of you.

I have suffered from depression for thirteen years (since the age of nine) and although I have had better periods, it always catches up with me. I've tried a dozen medication and therapy (EMDR, Schema-based therapy, CBT, psychotherapy) and I've had numerous admissions voluntary and involuntary.

Can you understand that I am tired of getting up in the morning thinking 'there we go again'?
 
Kerome

Kerome

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It makes me wonder how you would do in a radically different environment, maybe as a nun for a few years in a Buddhist monastery in the Himalayas. Have you ever considered something like that, just throwing off the yoke of the modern life, the therapy, the depression and finding a new kind of fellowship and friendship in a totally different place?
 
V

Viktoria

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Never done that and don't think I want to... but thanks for the suggestion.
 
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