Discussing euthanasia

V

Viktoria

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#1
Today I met up with my dad, my psychologist and the hospital's head psychologist and discussed getting euthanasia. They took it very seriously, said they now understand the extent of wanting to die and they support doing it this way rather than someone finding me dead in my room. They advised to discuss it with either the hospitals GP or psychiatrist, whoever I feel more comfortable with. The next step is getting a second opinion and if both agree nothing can be done to improve the quality of life then you can get euthanasia. I did also discuss having research done as to why no medication has any effect (probably a fast metabolism) and the possibility of trying ECT again. This might be mandatory prior to getting euthanasia.

Also for the time being I'm allowed to go on leave every Sunday with my dad, as long as he feels comfortable to take me with him. I promised not to run away or attempt anything.

I'm glad and relieved that I'm finally being taken seriously.

Also Tuesday my psychological assessment will start, to determine exactly what diagnosis I have.
 
Gajolene

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#2
Aww Victoria, It makes me so sad to hear that euthanasia may be the only option for you. I so much wish that another solution can be found for you, one where you could be free of harming voices and selfharm, one where you could grow and flourish in recovery, but I'm glad you are being taken seriously. Just sending you huge massive hugs.
 
Nikita

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I was dismayed and disappointed to hear you are considering euthanasia Vicktoria and horrified that they are considering it as an option for you.I am going to pray for your recovery.I hope maybe something like ECT can help you,it helped me, I was in a deep dark pit of suicidal feelings day in and day out and ECT gave me the will to live and took away the darkness so I could live again.I am really quite fond of you now,I hope you get better and decide to live.:hug:Nikitax
 
Fairy Lucretia

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you are too special and important to this world Viktoria to die by any means ,i hope so very much another alternative can be found to help you ,dont give up where there is life there is hope
my thoughts are with you xx
 
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Kerome

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#5
I find it sad. You are leaving so much that is beautiful behind, to take a great step into the unknown. I hope there is another answer for you that isn't so drastic or so final.
 
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I can't and won't condone that, I hope you understand.

I do really hope something else works and you feel better that years down the line you would be so so relived that you didn't go down that route.
 
Not_Crazy_Yet

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#7
Today I met up with my dad, my psychologist and the hospital's head psychologist and discussed getting euthanasia. They took it very seriously, said they now understand the extent of wanting to die and they support doing it this way rather than someone finding me dead in my room. They advised to discuss it with either the hospitals GP or psychiatrist, whoever I feel more comfortable with. The next step is getting a second opinion and if both agree nothing can be done to improve the quality of life then you can get euthanasia. I did also discuss having research done as to why no medication has any effect (probably a fast metabolism) and the possibility of trying ECT again. This might be mandatory prior to getting euthanasia.

Also for the time being I'm allowed to go on leave every Sunday with my dad, as long as he feels comfortable to take me with him. I promised not to run away or attempt anything.

I'm glad and relieved that I'm finally being taken seriously.

Also Tuesday my psychological assessment will start, to determine exactly what diagnosis I have.
I'm not going to discredit you in any way. I do enjoy your posts but I can't possibly know what you're going thru so I can't say one way or the other. Its a good thing that there is this option available for someone who is truly serious. There are only a few states in the US that have that option and its only available for severely terminally ill. I'm sure I'll catch shit but I believe it is a persons right to choose to die.
 
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Viktoria

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Thanks for all replies and understanding. Marliee you are entitled to your opinion and I respect it.

I've been reading up on it and there are quite a few complications.

It says you can get euthanasia when schizophrenic or bipolar but not if you're psychotic/delusional. I can deny Becky but they will read my files which state psychosis - even though I see it as spiritual.

Also you can't be sectioned, so would have to get it lifted and stay voluntarily, but I am receiving forced medication and am sometimes secluded (both only possible when sectioned).

Also my age can be a problem.

So it's complicated and not straightforward. But I believe it's better than committing suicide and someone finding me.

I appreciate this is a difficult subject with many different opinions on it.

When does someone have no prospects? When is someone considered to never get better? When is there no improvement possible?
 
SarahD

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#9
Dear Viktoria

I was very sad to read that you are seeking euthanasia.

I know you have suffered for many years and understand why you want to do this. (This is not available in the UK. I have myself looked into assisted suicide in Switzerland, but it is hard, though possible, to get approval there for mental health reasons and also very expensive.)

My teenage years were destroyed by depression. I have suffered a lot throughout my adulthood too, and have a psychotic illness. Like you I have suffered extreme suicidality. Despite this there have also been wonderful experiences in between. I have been able to do some wonderful things and also love and be loved by some very special people. You are so very young, I feel it would be a tragedy for you to do this. There is still the possibility of a lot of happiness and good health in your future life, things you have not even dreamed of yet.

I know the despair and hopelessness and relentlessness of the suffering that leads to the desire for death. But I hope with all my heart that some way to help you will still be found. If possible, try to hang on because things can change. The decision to die can always be taken at a later date.

Sarah xxx
 
keepsafe

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Yes Vik I have to agree with Sarah Here - you have suffered a great deal like us all but are still so very young, lots of oppourtunities and time for change you know there really is. Life doesn;t have to all be about suffering and especially alone, its a challenge for sure - but as I think In my opinon only you are up for the battle - stay strong love ks xxxx
 
V

Viktoria

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#11
It's complicated. I've been fighting for thirteen years, which is more than half of my life. I've had more than seven years of therapy and tried most medications. I'm at my wits end. I'm tired. I want peace.
 
Kerome

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#12
Wanting peace is a good thing, generally it helps towards actually achieving peace. But generally the quickest path towards peace is through letting go of desires and goals, and accepting relaxation. Death is so final...
 
S

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#13
Becky. Euthanasia. Mental illness.

It is pointless all of this.

Your life has been hard, i understand that. Your posts, i have read them for about a year i think, i don't remember when i started reading. All of the above, they are ways to avoid dealing with whatever it is you are running from.

You don't need to keep running, you need to rest.

You need to stop putting pressure on yourself to do things or be things. Be thinner, go to university. Whatever your diagnosis, you have a fragile brain and mind now. Maybe it can be fixed, maybe it is medication, maybe psychological therapy, but maybe none of those things.

People hundreds of years ago, they didn't have medication and therapy, they rested. They made nice meals, they gardened and painting. They had tea with friends. They walked and reflected and rested. No pressure. I know it wasn't idyllic back then but you get what i am saying i hope.

Medication helps some, but it doesn't fix you up perfect. Not all of us anyway. It helps me, but i am still unable to cope and unable to get back to nursing. I have given up fighting to be something and do something. Enough is enough.

Play your guitar. Walk. Eat your food slowly and savour it. Eat healthily not to lose weight but to look after your body.

There is some reason why you feel so horrific, brain or mind or soul, who knows. The idea of Becky, euthanasia, whatever else, they are just things made to put a lid on how horrific you feel.

It is ok to feel horrific. You need to look for things which comfort you, like your guitar. Those things will help you pull through.

You cannot kill yourself, you will never get anyone to agree to euthanasia. It is ok to just tell the doctor and co that you want to die. Focusing on something like euthansia is pointless for them and you as even though you will keep hold of this idea, you wouldn't go through with it, we both know that.

You want to feel better. You feel lost. You have lost your dream of going to university. It is no wonder you feel horrific. No wonder. We all want to feel better. It takes time, rest, time, rest, reflection.

Don't keep running from the fact that you want to feel better by creating a new idea.

Be real and true. Sit down and talk to someone who is not there, like someone special who has died or God or whichever creator you believe in. Anyone. All the things you say will be real and the release is amazing. Being true and open and honest.
 
keepsafe

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#14
Bring it on sorry to put a downer on but I agree with viktoria - have compassion we have suffered enough and enough is enough - I have mental capacity and know what I want!
 
V

Viktoria

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#15
You cannot kill yourself, you will never get anyone to agree to euthanasia. It is ok to just tell the doctor and co that you want to die. Focusing on something like euthansia is pointless for them and you as even though you will keep hold of this idea, you wouldn't go through with it, we both know that.
First of all, I find this quite offensive. I am very serious in what I have written and saying "We both know that" is sort of mean, in my opinion. You don't know how euthanasia works in my country. I have read a lot about it and although it is not straightforward, my psychologist has agreed that I should discuss it with my GP - she didn't dismiss it or say it is not possible. I will speak to my GP this Thursday. It may be complex and it may be a long road, but it is not impossible. I will probably have to go through some treatments - try more medication, have research done as to why medication has no effect (presumably because of a fast metabolism) and also perhaps I need to undergo ECT. I am willing to do those things.

Today was a tough day. I had to have blood taken, which I refused for the last month and now the hospital director gave my psychiatrist permission to take blood against my will. They pressed their alarm and half the hospital staff came running, pinning me to the ground and blood was taken.
Becky was furious, I started throwing with glasses and was taken to seclusion.

I am getting more depressed each day. It's reaching a limit. I am tired. I'm trying to keep busy but it's costing me so much energy.
 
Kerome

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#16
It's very sad, that Becky who was originally there to help you, is now making you furious and getting you thrown into seclusion. And also that her presence is making you seek euthanasia. I feel for you and your family.
 
Poppy12

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I am so sad to read you are seeking euthanasia Viktoria. Have you tried being fully co operative with the doctors and nurses who are trying to treat you? It's just that if you won't even let them do a blood test it seems you are not compliant with your treatment. Surely euthanasia is a last resort after properly following the care and treatment offered to you over a period of many years? I'm sorry if I've got it wrong, it's just you're so very young and it wasn't so long ago you were looking forward to going to university. You can still go - you have your whole life ahead of you. Things can get better - they truly can.
 
V

Viktoria

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#18
Thanks you both.

Yesterday I attempted suicide. They pressed their alarm and all staff and security came running. They said my pulse was low, my face was blue and my temperature was low.
I had to go to seclusion for an hour. Then the duty doctor came and felt that I couldn't come to reliable agreement so I had to stay the night.
They were very worried that I wouldn't make it.
Today I'm gonna discuss euthanasia with my psychiatrist.
 
Fairy Lucretia

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#19
i wish i had something wonderful and special to say that would make all your problems go away but i don't
all i can say is im truly sorry you suffer so much viktoria xx i wish there was something i could do to help
i hope you find a way through this xx