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Disconnected from my thoughts

J

JamesGough

New member
Joined
May 28, 2019
Messages
4
Location
London
Hello all. I am writing on here with the hope that someone can relate with what I'm going through. Since late 2015 I've been struggling immensely with this problem. I have no idea what to label it as; maybe depersonalisation/derealisation, brain fog, suppressed emotions, generalised anxiety disorder or clinical depression. I've looked into all of these things (some more than others) and I can somehow relate to some of their symptoms.

But to say what it feels like; I just feel as though I can't think. Every time I go to think I feels as though I'm almost attacked by my thoughts. Like my mind is throwing doubts and questions at me all of the time which I can't seem to answer. I've tried to answer but it just feels then that I'm arguing with myself. This leaves me trying not to think but then that makes me pretty much useless because then I can't do anything. It's the worst when I need to make a decision because I feel so anxious that if I go to think I will ruin the moment and zap out of my thinking process (if that makes sense). This leaves me making decisions very reluctantly because I feel as though I didn't actually decide to make a decision but rather did it because I felt forced by my anxiety/panic. This reluctance makes me not care about my decisions and makes me feel disconnect from the consequences of my actions. So I feel pretty much irresponsible for all of my actions which could seem nice to the eye but is very scary and I don't want to feel that way because that's wrong.

I just feel trapped in my head and the only times I'm not I'm being reckless because I'm purposefully not thinking. It feels like a catch 22. This leaves me feeling super depressed because I have tried so many things to get over this problem; therapy, counselling, Chinese medicine, medication (citalopram), hypnotherapy, exercise and I've travelled to Asia to go for the more spiritual approach. Yet I haven't found anything which has really helped at all. This fuels my frustration at life. But I'm as hungry as ever to overcome this problem as I want to get back to living.
 
arrrstin

arrrstin

Member
Joined
May 27, 2019
Messages
23
Location
USA
I can definitely identify with your problem. I found that there are many things that can help you think clearer. For me, it can range from sometimes having trouble remembering words to having trouble thinking at all. I have also noticed a few things that affect this. Make sure you get all the sleep you need. Do not set an alarm to wake up to. If you have to wake up early, go to bed extra early. If you have insomnia, stop doing whatever it is that makes you have to wake up early (job, college, etc). Sleep in every day. Another thing is your spirit. Back in the day, the government tested drugs to see if it would help soldiers. They concluded that nothing beats a strong mind, body, spirit. Now take that little tidbit of information and add it to the ability of professional sports trainers being able to psych up the athlete. They tested the athletes and found that they were able to change their spirit into a completely focused and total optimal state. Get good sleep, eat a good breakfast, sit up straight, and choose to focus. You are better than this and you know it. So be it.

I know how hard and frustrating it can be. Let this be your motivation to kick it in the butt and take control back of your mind. Be kind to yourself if you have a bad day or any kind of setback. Take your meds, talk to your therapist and confidant(s). The choice to have a clear mind is up to you. Want to know why it is so hard? Because everything in your mind, body, and spirit is telling you to not do these things. But you actually do have the option to change this. Especially with these "sports trainers" (professional help) showing you how.
 
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