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Disconnected and don't belong

N

Nina24

Active member
Joined
Oct 21, 2020
Messages
44
Location
UK
Tired of always being an outsider and feeling like I don't belong.
I can go days without speaking to my kids if I'm really low.
My husband's so tired and stressed, we barely speak.
I know it's not easy, I've lived with a mother and husband with depression.
I've never felt good enough, it's like being picked last for the school sports team but mine was my family and me and my sister weren't chosen.
I find it so difficult to actually talk to people, colleagues and family members. I overthink, pull it apart, worry about saying the wrong thing and looking stupid, so I say nothing and people think I don't care. But I care too much.
There is so much more going on in my head but thats why I'm having therapy.
On my next good day I will try to go for a walk as I've not been out of the house for a few weeks.

My CPN and doctor are aware I feel suicidal at times but we're still waiting for psychiatrist appointment before a decision will be made to change medication. Its so frustrating.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
37,565
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hi ,it sounds like you have a lot going on ,hopefully medication of some kind will help stabilize you
could your gp not prescribe something short term while you wait to see the psychiatrist? x

i truly hope you feel better soon please let us now how you get on xx
 
N

Nina24

Active member
Joined
Oct 21, 2020
Messages
44
Location
UK
[QUOTE="Fairy Lucretia, post:
hopefully medication of some kind will help stabilize you
could your gp not prescribe something short term while you wait to see the psychiatrist? x
[/QUOTE]

I've been on sertraline since March, started on 50mg, then 100, now 150mg, but its just not working. I think.
However my CPN says I am improving as I have some better days.
I have functioning and non-functioning days, but can't interact with people (work, shops etc) due to panic attacks.
I also have insomnia, still trying to sleep, despite meditation, bath etc.
 
M

ManDss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2018
Messages
835
Location
Argentina
So bad to hear Nina. I wish could say something to make you feel better.

Does the forum help you to have some relief of the stress ?
 
A

always thirsty

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 12, 2020
Messages
125
Location
colorado
my gramma lived in uk. died this year at 103 and i didnt get to see her bc covid. love you guys! i dunno what is really going on with you but i'm gonna be here for you as an anonymous person you can talk to about anything and just unload. keep this thread alive. no kidding when you unload on me and i respond it helps me too.
 
D

Deleted member 95740

Guest
Nowadays when I look at the state of the world and how people behave I gain comfort from being disconnected and not belonging 🙂
 
A

always thirsty

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 12, 2020
Messages
125
Location
colorado
i've always been an outsider....since i popped out my momma.
 
N

Nina24

Active member
Joined
Oct 21, 2020
Messages
44
Location
UK
Thanks for the replies.
I generally only write on here when feeling at my lowest, when I feel I have nowhere or noone else to turn to.
I talk to my CPN and have learnt to be open. I never know what to call it, therapy or counselling, she does CBT and we're now moving on to past trauma.
I don't fully trust her or anyone due to years of conditioning that will never fully go. Even with my loved ones I can go from being content to desperately unhappy with a simple wrong word or tone of voice that I may misinterpret. I catastrophize alot and can't seem to stop.
For me feeling like an outsider is more about feeling like I don't belong anywhere, I know I'm welcome but I always think people have an ulterior motive, want something from me in return; it comes from that lack of trust (and crippling anxiety).
 
M

ManDss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2018
Messages
835
Location
Argentina
I don't fully trust her
My advice, or tip, is: trust her, but always testing, knowing you can end dessapointed. I know is quite pesimistic, but is the only way to dont end hurted at the end. Be open, but also knowing things can end not like you expect.

Good luck.
 
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