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disassociate to this day ill never forget

bluelives911

bluelives911

Active member
Joined
Sep 5, 2020
Messages
30
Location
Massachusetts
I remember when i first met my wife (about 12 yrs ago) and i was standing in my bedroom i started to hear voices calling my name " Richard Richard Richard " they were not telling me to do anything they were just calling my name and it completely freaked me out and i was stuck standing there in my bedroom so afraid to move or talk , my wife was unsure what to do however at some point i ended up in the ER having having absolutely no clue how i got there ( my wife drove me ) all i remember is seeing a bunch of colors swirling around the room and like a little boy just so afraid , the Dr came in the room and asked me a bunch of questions ( am i suicidal or homicidal , do i feel safe ) he told me after doing a bunch of tests that my PTSD caused me to decompensate and lose touch with reality then he went into what kind of childhood did i have and that of course opened the flood gates to i was molested by my mother and foster father when i was 12.


My past doesn't own me like it used to but i damn sure will never forget how alone and afraid i felt in my childhood and how alone and afraid i felt as an adult, when i was having the "episode" of PTSD in my bedroom nothing that i could remember triggered me but not being able to sleep and up all night the night before i was manic (I'm bipolar) i spoke to my therapist about it and she said i could definitely be triggered by lack of sleep as my brain cant handle going that long without sleep'


AnywayI'm no longer having flashbacks or am i triggered , thank you God , I'm in recovery for alcoholism ( over 8 yrs sober ) and being sober has been the best thing that has ever happened to me ( except my wife of course ) i try to live my life as best as i know how but my source of comfort and happiness is Lisa as she is so silly ( i need hat in my life ) :loveshower:and ALWAYS so positive( i also need positivity in my life as well ) anyway i never expected to go on for so long but i wanted to share a part of me that not a lot of people know yet comfortable enough to do this without feeling souncomfortable, thank you for taking the time in reading this i hope it can help someone because with people in my life i know it helped me.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
4,165
Location
Nashua NH
Thank you for sharing your story. Everyone’s story is different but we can each relate to each other on some level. This is a safe forum for people to share their own stories so that others can benefit it. Thank you for your openness and for taking the time. xo, j
 
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