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Disappointment when waking up

V

Vegay

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Aug 27, 2020
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I wake up in the mornings, having not slept very well in the first place, and instantly feel disappointed that I still think and feel the way that I do.
Which then leads me to imagine harming myself but although I've tried a few times in the past, they're just thoughts at the moment.
All I know is that I speak to a private counsellor weekly, a care coordinator every now and again aswell as trying so many self help techniques and strategies etc. I work although my hours were reduced recently. Also take daily medication. Yet I still feel the same. It makes me constantly wonder if it isn't even worth it?? I don't feel like I belong, in fact I don't think I've ever felt like I really mattered to anyone before. I'm not sure that I'll ever be "okay." I can't remember a time that I was anything other than THIS.
If I hadn't been me then maybe things would have worked out differently. It's all my fault. I really don't want to be here anymore.
 
ht46

ht46

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Nov 10, 2019
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I use to wake up like that until they changed my meds, if you're beating yourself up about something it's ok we do it but it's not necessary to do it constantly. Try and avoid rumination it's not problem solving if you're constantly thinking about how crappy things are you're not solving problems. I know the feeling I view myself as a born loser I've never succeeded at anything but through psychotherapy and reading you can change your perspective.
 
Z

Zaz

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It's all good and well changing medication and seeing life from a different perspective but if you don't feel it inside nothing will change. Change has to come from you and all the therapy in the world won't make that happen unless you're ready.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

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May 25, 2020
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While it is great you are having counselling it is not as good as other therapies for bpd. For me it took cognitive analytical therapy before I was able to progress. I understand the feeling of not fitting in anywhere. You fit in here though. It is not your fault you have bpd. You must never blame yourself for having it.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
your being poorly isn't your fault
im sure nobody chooses to be poorly
you deserve support and love
i hope you find the support you need here
Lu x
 
Blooming

Blooming

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Apr 15, 2020
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What self help strategies do you use? To look at those can be important. It is also important to know what type of therapy your consellor use. What education has the consellor? What title does she/he use? I am not trying to scare you, but may be it is not a counsellor you need, but a therapist espesially trained to treat your condition.

It is not your fault. Therapy can take a long time before it works, but it has to be done by somebody with the right skills. You are worth the best (we all are)!

Does " I really don't want to be here anymore" mean "I don't want to live anymore?".

If so call the Samaritans, please:

Another good wepbage if you are tired of life is this one:

By the way: You will find a place/group where you will feel that you belong once. I have had the same feeling ... :flower2:
 
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