Difficulty relating to neurotypical people - just me ?

[Twinkle Toes]

I'm autistic and never had an ability to relate to NT people. I understand things like 'family, blood relatives' and learned social responses/reasons as to why I should offer support to younger siblings, or honor wishes of parents that passed for example.

But generally with NT's from other categories (neighbours, acquaintances, work colleagues etc) I feel no connection. I used to work with autistic people with severe learning difficulties and can feel ..empathy (think thats the right word) to the situation they remain trapped in for life ..ie in care, their entire lives by dictated by others because their learning difficulties stopped them from acquiring coping strategies.

Here I feel my ability to create different persona's (as I used to see it) is what saved me and enabled me to 'pass for normal' enough to achieve independence but I always felt there was something very different about me.

 

[lifecangetbetter]

neurotypical people are so lucky

 

[MHFPokeplantz]

neurotypical people are so lucky

I often think so too

 

[lifecangetbetter]

I often think so too

Their souls actually get to learn lessons. Vs. Being like me and unable to develop

 

[MHFPokeplantz]

Their souls actually get to learn lessons. Vs. Being like me and unable to develop

In this aspect its relative kind of, its about perspective
These people learn SO WELL AND FAST how to deal and survive and achieve in society, but universe is SO VAST, with SO MUCH, that MANY of these people (not everybody of course) dont get to see it, theyre too worried about their lives and what theyll live and achieve, their vision and lessons are NARROW

 

[MHFPokeplantz]

Being like me and unable to develop

About developing it depends, I wouldnt know for you because I dont know your whole context, but overall much starts with understanding what you like and/or are good at doing (often there are more than 1 or 2 things). When possible to act on it/them, the development with time starts happening, learning widens etc

Often a person happens to NOT know what they like or are good at, and usually is because emotional struggles or blocks, that once theyre are worked on, the brighter side of the person starts appearing and being clearer to themselves

 

[lifecangetbetter]

In this aspect its relative kind of, its about perspective
These people learn SO WELL AND FAST how to deal and survive and achieve in society, but universe is SO VAST, with SO MUCH, that MANY of these people (not everybody of course) dont get to see it, theyre too worried about their lives and what theyll live and achieve, their vision and lessons are NARROW

You make a very, very good point about the narrow vision and lessons

 

[Twinkle Toes]

neurotypical people are so lucky

I used to think so, it used to be my entire life goal to pass for 'a normal adult', mainly just so people would leave me alone and not bully me and put me down constantly (really don't need their help with a paranoid alter and persecutor on the inside too!).

However this current world dilemma (ie the pandemic) has only highlighted to me the strengths of having a 'system of alters' behind me.

It is not my intention to brag as I've spent most of my life believing I was 'not normal' and no-one saw me as an equal but just as an example...as a young child before I had any knowledge that things such as autism and DID existed I had an intense phobia of speaking to anyone other than my immediate family in our home.

Now it would be considered 'selective mutism' maybe or because of the autism and maybe people would review there expectations for me. However because I grew up in the 70's where this knowledge was not available I was just expected to find a way to cope, my brain 'created' these alters that could by imitating other kids. I quickly learned people didn't expect deaf people to be able to speak and accepted sign or written notes so used that to my advantage, but it also didn't stop me achieving because by then interpreters were becoming more commonplace so I still managed to achieve a degree. I still made my own phone calls via a special minciom phone, rather than parents speaking for me all my life.

I eventually reached a place emotionally where an alter was able to speak in class and in the shops. I did this without any knowledge of my conditions or any 'professional intervention' (ie counselling and pre-diagnosis).

It maybe entirely by accident I stumbled on the reasons and solutions but nevetheless I found them in the end which wouldn't have happened without 'my brain's ability to create personas/alters'.

They've also kept me off antidepressants throughout life as I was able to lose myself in fantasy worlds and video games which seemed to release 'happy hormones' I now know this was cos I'd switched to a child alter.

Whilst many others have suffered in isolation/shielding alone I've taken the time to really understand my system and actively communicate with them and encourage them out 'to play'.

So bizarrely my system has become my saviour in these unusual times we find ourselves in. I still don't have the ability to relate to NT's any better, but I understand myself better.

 

[MHFPokeplantz]

I used to think so, it used to be my entire life goal to pass for 'a normal adult', mainly just so people would leave me alone and not bully me and put me down constantly (really don't need their help with a paranoid alter and persecutor on the inside too!).

However this current world dilemma (ie the pandemic) has only highlighted to me the strengths of having a 'system of alters' behind me.

It is not my intention to brag as I've spent most of my life believing I was 'not normal' and no-one saw me as an equal but just as an example...as a young child before I had any knowledge that things such as autism and DID existed I had an intense phobia of speaking to anyone other than my immediate family in our home.

Now it would be considered 'selective mutism' maybe or because of the autism and maybe people would review there expectations for me. However because I grew up in the 70's where this knowledge was not available I was just expected to find a way to cope, my brain 'created' these alters that could by imitating other kids. I quickly learned people didn't expect deaf people to be able to speak and accepted sign or written notes so used that to my advantage, but it also didn't stop me achieving because by then interpreters were becoming more commonplace so I still managed to achieve a degree. I still made my own phone calls via a special minciom phone, rather than parents speaking for me all my life.

I eventually reached a place emotionally where an alter was able to speak in class and in the shops. I did this without any knowledge of my conditions or any 'professional intervention' (ie counselling and pre-diagnosis).

It maybe entirely by accident I stumbled on the reasons and solutions but nevetheless I found them in the end which wouldn't have happened without 'my brain's ability to create personas/alters'.

They've also kept me off antidepressants throughout life as I was able to lose myself in fantasy worlds and video games which seemed to release 'happy hormones' I now know this was cos I'd switched to a child alter.

Whilst many others have suffered in isolation/shielding alone I've taken the time to really understand my system and actively communicate with them and encourage them out 'to play'.

So bizarrely my system has become my saviour in these unusual times we find ourselves in. I still don't have the ability to relate to NT's any better, but I understand myself better.

Very interesting

 

[Huckleberry]

Their souls actually get to learn lessons. Vs. Being like me and unable to develop

What do you mean? Also is it difficult for you to learn unless you see it in person first? Only thing i could just do without being taught was ride a bike. I learn really fast when something is shown to me, but if i can't watch first how something is done sometimes i would never figure it out. Like I'm not dumb but I'm dumb, do you know what i mean? I believe i have aspergers and I'm trying to make sure

 

[lifecangetbetter]

What do you mean? Also is it difficult for you to learn unless you see it in person first? Only thing i could just do without being taught was ride a bike. I learn really fast when something is shown to me, but if i can't watch first how something is done sometimes i would never figure it out. Like I'm not dumb but I'm dumb, do you know what i mean? I believe i have aspergers and I'm trying to make sure

i think i have aspergers or autism too. I've ALWAYS been told I'm smart and weird

 

[MHFPokeplantz]

Interesting lol, my previous Psychologist had mentioned of the possibility of me having Asperger, but w eventual NeuroPsych evaluation it indicated that not (but that same Neuro Dr said one can have some Autistic traits, even not being one)

 

[lifecangetbetter]

What do you mean? Also is it difficult for you to learn unless you see it in person first? Only thing i could just do without being taught was ride a bike. I learn really fast when something is shown to me, but if i can't watch first how something is done sometimes i would never figure it out. Like I'm not dumb but I'm dumb, do you know what i mean? I believe i have aspergers and I'm trying to make sure

i mean i don't feel like I'm fully able to develop as a spiritual being when I'm constantly being sent all this inaccurate information (my hallucinations)
no i can learn by reading. im a very fast learner
i TOTALLY know what you mean when you say im not dumb but im dumb. like when im put on the spot i cant learn because im too anxious around the person who is teaching me

 

[Prozac1984]

neurotypical people are so lucky

I think they are, too. But they are lucky because they were born in a world dominated by people just like them.

But at the same time, try to think that you have a unique perspective that they will never have. Think that they make a lot of effort to be "unique" but for the most part they are almost all the same in the way of thinking / acting. While you are unique without having to make any effort.

Every day that I open social media, what I see is people trying to stand out by doing exactly what others do. They are as stuck in "normality" as you are in your way of been. If the world were populated by people like you, or me, today's normals would be diagnosed as a disorder.