Difficulties with my therapist

[scaredheart]

I'm wondering if I can get your view on this as it is eating me up, and I really need to resolve it. WIll try and be as brief as possible...

Been seeing my t for over a year. He (and I) thinks I have BPD but wont give me definitive diagnosis. Anyway, we had a break at the beginning of this year, and I didn't see him for a few months (my decision). I have major trust issues, and up until that point he was brilliant. I find it difficult to talk to him so I would write things down and take them to session, and he would always talk them through with me, giving me constant reassurance. He is the only person that has eve understood me. He told me it was ok to email him between session, whic I did occassionally if things were getting on top of me. He would email me back with a really thought-through answer and was very attentive and sensitive to how I was feeling. I could bring up difficulties I was feeling with him (i.e. that I thought he didnt like me-which was and is, a constant feeling/thought, etc), and he would attend to that feeling. He was always very warm and suportive of whatever I was going through.

I started seeing him regularly (weekly) again a couple of months ago, and things have changed. I feel that he has become more cold and hard towards me. I have always thought that he is looking for an excuse to dicharge me, and we have spoken about this many many times, and he has been very understanding. But when I have brought this up recently he has become frustrated with me. He has told me that he feels frustrated that I can't tell him everything he needs to know for me to move on, and that really makes things worse for me. We have also talked about this. I feel that he is losing patience with me, and that he really doesnt like me. I have no idea why he still wants me to come back every week.

So, what i want to know is where do I go from here. I have been through so much with him that I will find it nearly impossible start again with someone else, but at the same time I feel that he has changed towards me and that I am not getting what I used to get form him in terms of attentiveness and understaning. GIven that I have real interpersonal issues, and what he knows about my personality probloems, I thought he would be more empathetic. DOes anyone have any advice/have you been through something similar before??

Sorry its so long!

 

[ms_P]

Hi Scaredheart and welcome to the forum.

Perhaps you're therapist has found himself caring too much and feels the need to back off?
Have you ever heard of "transference"? It's an interesting phenomenon in psychotherapy. It may shed light on possibilities.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference

 

[scaredheart]

Thanks ms_p. Yes, I brought up my transference feelings for him a few weeks ago. He said he was ok with it. SInce then things havent been the same, Maybe he has pulled back. But now I feel like he doesnt care at all

 

[messymoo]

Maybe he has just backed off and this is just an idea but what about printing off the post you wrote and taking it to your next session with him?

 

[scaredheart]

I might do that, but he has seemed a bit annoyed with me lately for writing things down and bringing them to session, so I don't quite know what to do for the best. I feel like I can't talk to him at the mo so either way it's going to be difficult. TGhe last thing I want to do is make him turn against me even more.

 

[ms_P]

I might do that, but he has seemed a bit annoyed with me lately for writing things down and bringing them to session, so I don't quite know what to do for the best. I feel like I can't talk to him at the mo so either way it's going to be difficult. TGhe last thing I want to do is make him turn against me even more.

Never mind what you think he thinks about you. I suggest concentrating on getting on with your therapy. You're not there to please him nor anyone else. You're there for you. If you think it doesn't click with your present therapist anymore, maybe a change might be a good idea if it's possible (?).

 

[DiagnosisBipolar2]

I have recently had an experience with a psychotherapist along the same lines as you Sacredheart. I was supposed to have 12 sessions with this therapist and for the first few weeks she was very nice indeed. In fact she was overly friendly which made her seem a bit fake to me as I dont like overly sweet people if that makes sense?

I found it very hard to open up to her as I find it impossible to talk about myself which is strange as my profession means i'm an advocate for others and can usually talk for Britain About the 4th session she had seemed like she'd had a whole personallity transplant and appeared to become quite strict even telling me off a few times during the session as though I was a naughty child!

The last session I had with her was extremley painful and I felt very uncomfortable. I spent most of the session sobbing my heart out. I realised after this session that I obviously wasn't ready for counselling at this moment in time so I terminated the sessions. I was amazed that she never bothered to contact me to find out why and I feel in a worse place after the 8 sessions I had than I was originally.

I have worked out that I am not yet ready to deal with counselling as I am batteling to many demons at present without dealing with things from my past which counselling will bring up. Maybe one day or maybe I will come to the conclusion that counselling isn't for me but only time will tell.

Maybe you need to look at whether or not counselling is for you at this particular moment in time.

Best of luck with whichever decision you make.

 

[KP1]

I think that they have to push you depending on how vulnerable you are to confront difficult issues. At different times what you can cope with in a therapy session will change and their approach should change accordingly.I have left many therapy sessions feeling worse than when I walked in but I do know that I need that push to consider difficult issues. I also feel that after a year and a half( with some breaks) that my therapist knows me and my problems better than any thing else and I have built up trust where as I've not done that yet with a psychiatrist.
If you still have issues but feel you have trust in your therapist then it is worse continuing.
KP

 

[schizzzoid]

In my opinion, it is vital that you tell your therapist how you feel towards them, and, what has changed. From my own experience, I have found that my attitude towards therapists has mirrored that of relationships in the 'outside world'. And therapists need this information in order to help you.

It is very difficult to see how we may behave with other people, but, with therapists we can get a glimpse, and from that we can start to learn about ourselves, and, with time and lots of work, heal ourselves. Therapists challenge, it's part of their job, and, it is often the case that, the worse you feel about something that has come up in therapy, the more you need to work on it.

Sometimes therapists get things wrong, you should never be afraid (easy said I know!) to challenge them if you think they have, but, at the same time, you need to be aware of your true feelings towards what has been said; are you trying to avoid something painful, or too close to home, or are they just plain wrong? And, if they are wrong, why does it bother you so much?

It sounds like you have come a long way with your therapist and that he maybe challenging you, which is what it's all about. I think, it would be a shame to give up. It is often a case of, the worse you feel the better the therapy!