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Difficult situation with my partner



New member
Jan 12, 2016
-- Content warnings: Suicidal ideation

Hi everyone. This is my first post on this forum. I joined after thinking on it for a while because my relationship with my girlfriend can be very strained.

We are both mentally ill. I am schizophrenic, with hallucinations and delusions but most of the time I maintain insight. She is undiagnosed, but we suspect borderline personality disorder. She has "intrusive thoughts" in a way, she's spent her whole life being ruled by her head, which is always talking or screaming at her that she is worth nothing, disgusting, and similar insults. We have been together for 2 years, and known each other for 4.

I've watched her deteriorate the whole time I've known her. She used to be happy, excitable, and eager to learn new things. Over the years because of the influence of her "head" she's given up on every recreational activity she used to enjoy. No creative outlets, no reading, it's difficult to even convince her to play a video game for an hour. She honestly believes with every bone in her body that she's less than human, she's hideous, the only reason she stays alive is to do things for others. She's been on the brink of killing herself many times, especially when we were long distance. Now that she's moved in with me, our living situation has become extremely stressful because of my family.

I desperately want to help her get better. I love her very much. But it just seems like she's not trying anymore. She's given up on everything, all hope for a future, and it's been that way for months if not over a year. She has no coping skills, and refuses to try to pick them up. When I comfort her, she gets annoyed and tells me that none of the coping strategies would do shit for her. When her head is around, she lays in bed staring into the distance, unresponsive. I've never been able to help her. She doesn't want help. She just wants to keep pushing through it until she dies.

Her entire life has been taken away by her mental illness and I feel like there's not a damn thing I can do about it. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, right? I don't know what to do.

Thank you if you've taken the time to read this. I'm aware that you guys aren't mental health professionals or anything like that, but it would mean a lot to me if I could get advice or a second opinion. Thank you. And sorry this is so long.


Jun 20, 2015

I just want to say I am sorry for what you and your girlfriend are going through.It sounds very hard for you and especially for her from what you describe.I know little about the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.I do know there is a therapy a talking one called DBT which is meant to help this condition.

About BPD | Mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems

BPD treatments and recovery | Mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems

I hope this information will help you.I think your girlfriend needs to know there is hope for her and recovery is possible.Maybe the first step is to go to the GP and get referred to a psychiatrist for an official diagnosis,just to make sure that that is the condition your girlfriend has.I wish you all the best and want you to know we are here to support you both through the worst and the rest.Nikitax


Well-known member
Jul 20, 2010
When I comfort her, she gets annoyed and tells me that none of the coping strategies would do shit for her. When her head is around, she lays in bed staring into the distance, unresponsive. I've never been able to help her. She doesn't want help
She needs to break out of this feeling of being helped, and know that she is truly loved for the person she is. She needs to realise she is just a individual with her own problems/troubles, and if you look around the world you'll find your neighbours and your neighbours neighbours all have this in common ;)
Get rid or solve any outside interference, anything that is having a negative affect. You may have to change your approach too ;)
You need to ask yourself if you fully understand her too. If not take an interest in her every thought and mood, and let her know yours too, because until you fully understand each other, you will not be able to move your relationship in the direction you want. Hope this helps :)


New member
Jan 15, 2016
At times, I feel just like her.. In those moments, I need to feel equal with the person that wants to help me. I know that you have the best intentions, but when you put the situation like you want to help her, she will feel weaker. Make her feel loved and remind her of all the things she is good at, and be patient. My advice :) i am no mental health expert, but I hope my insight will be useful.

cheers! :)
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