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didnt know where to post this

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Ainsworth11

Guest
i take it i am feeling anxious and its building.

my brain is going potty atm with mad thoughts ideas, voices etc. i know this can lead to psychosis, ive been on the spectrum of it for the last month, im being watched and assessed but ive been having huge problems with calming myself down. some of my coping skills cant be applied, i dont know why. ???

i cant think straight to help me? i thought writing this on the forum would help, i dont usually share i feel vulnerable when i do. how do you cope when its bad or getting bad?

ANY advice would be gratefully received.
 
I

inmashell

Member
Joined
Jan 3, 2013
Messages
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Hi Ainsworth
Am sorry ur struggling, not sure how to help u but....
Distractions usually help me....music, craft, nice bath, watch a film or jus stare at it to take ur mind off things, talk it out with Samaritans, keep posting here....
Have u got a cpn/support worker u can call?
Be kind to urself
 
A

Ainsworth11

Guest
thankyou inmashell, i appreciate the reply. no i dont have a CPN, just a care coordinator, who has me booked to see another p-doc in 2 weeks time because of how i am. im not one to ask for help. never been able to but did speak to the samaritians in email afew weeks ago.

i usually draw and have my ipod on but just so anxious and ticking that im not sitting still to concentrate. no one is in the house atm, so think that is adding to it. ive been having psychosis on and off for over a month.

thankyou for replying
 
I

inmashell

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Messages
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Pleased to learn ur seein the p.doc soon. Maybe start a diary/jernal of the happenings an then u can show doctor
 
A

Ainsworth11

Guest
i will try and write stuff down. thanks.

ive been calmer today, been using diazepam alot, which i dont like using to that degree. i will be taking more with what i have just read. ive really got to get to the point where i dont log in here. anxiety is through the roof and cant take anymore valproate. voices have been quieter, thoughts are mad.
 

cpuusage

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Have only just seen this -

I know exactly what this is like & how it feels. In part, personally, a low dose of medication does help keep the edge off for me.

I do a lot of other things; & it's hard to place it all in words; sometimes some things work better at some times than other times. Grounding & Centering. Regular good & 'heavy' meals help. Feeling connected with the earth (certain grounding meditations/walking). I also try to have a balance with stuff that is triggering. That is very personal I feel. I need my own space, time, & to sit in peace & quiet.

I've been getting bouts of very severe anxiety recently - I sit with it; practise a certain energy technique with the chakras (focus awareness on the heart chakra, then solar plexus, then hara, then third eye; follow energy - see everything as energy (which everything is anyway)); & it does all pass. I've also had moments of feeling psychotic (without the delusions/ideation) - in fact I've been going with it & half enjoying it.

I don't know what to specifically suggest - In general it's those things that I find helpful; being around calm & accepting people, & being in a calm & peaceful space to work through what I'm feeling. & trying as best as possible to have a gentle & healthy routine - good food, sleep, & self care.
 
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Ainsworth11

Guest
i wish i didnt have the delusions atm.

i havent really done any chraka work, normally its just my centre through mediatate but have to admit, since november, i havent done any. i use to have things so sorted or kinda a balance, but yet again ive lost it. i dont want anti-psychotics, i just cant bring myself to take them.

im also worried about my re-assessment. another opinion i will rebel against just like the others before. i really dont know if im coming or going atm and i hate it so much.

i sat in the dark yesterday after taking dazzies. but shuting out the noise/thoughts is hard, it carries on.

sleep is my main problem. im getting 2/3 hours a night, usually between 4am and 7am. its been like this since december. the tablets dont work and didnt work after a week. i see no end to it.
 

cpuusage

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I do know how it all feels & have been there with it all many times. But it does pass. Try to hold onto that by some means it can be resolved.

Medication is such a complex & personal issue. It would help if someone could be with you & very gently listen to everything.

I'm not sure what to specifically suggest - my own experiences were such that I used to end up hospitalised & forced drugs, & later on I was calmer through episodes, but only seemed to come out of them with medication. That has been my experience. Other approaches I feel can work, but it's having access to them, & 'self help' I feel only goes so far. Sorry I can't suggest more.
 
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Ainsworth11

Guest
i appreciate you taking the time to listen to me, always do.

i know (once they find the right one) it could take the edge of it but its the other stuff that comes with it that is scarey to me. everyone around me, who ive told are saying to just accept the drugs. they dont understand but i know they are seeing the behaviour and are worried. they are watching me going down hill and it happening more often.

i still feel stupid and a complete muppet for believing one of my friends wasnt a real life person and didnt exist. i dunno how many times it had to be re-enforced to me. in that time i couldnt communicate anything, i couldnt speak, yet was racing.

i need to pull myself together, i want it the way it was before. :low:
 
A

Ainsworth11

Guest
how wierd, my mum asked me if i wanted a mattress the other day. i will say yes to it now, worth a try, i will try anything.

i know its the lack of sleep, it always made everything worse and im limited to what i can take.

thanks C
 

cpuusage

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I feel that you need genuine & comprehensive care, help, support & understanding. But we're back with the same catch 22's & realities of this society/culture.

I do realise the dilemmas with medications. In my own case; all things considered, I'd rather take the tablets than ever be in the state when I last had a very severe breakdown. My frustration is that in a genuinely caring & civilised society; far far more would & could be done for people to stop them getting into such a state to begin with, & also to bring them out of it. It's very hard to know what to do for the best; & it is a catch 22 in many ways.

I hope that you feel better soon.
 
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Ainsworth11

Guest
geniune and comprehensive care has never been a factor for my mental health even when severe, yet drugs have been. but i shouldnt complain, making me a drugged zombie saved my life.

thanks for the support :)
 

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