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Did my ex boyfriend rape me?

M

MercilessGods

Member
Joined
Jan 9, 2017
Messages
12
My ex and I last had sex about 8 months ago.. which started out as consensual sex. I agreed to it. And then after about 20 second or so.. asked him to stop (I had recently - 2 weeks previous to this - had a c-section to deliver our baby) and after 20 seconds , realised it was far too painful to carry on. I asked him to stop. He didn't. Asked him again, more forcefully. He didn't. This time , yelled at him. He still carried on. By this point he was going rough with me and I was in tears and could feel myself bleeding heavily. So the only option I had left was to physically try and push him off me by digging my nails into the side of his face and shoving him.
Now he admits to doing all this. I have it in black and white over text.
He does however refuse to acknowledge that it was rape. Because I gave my consent at the start. He has be believing now that is wasnt. But surely my consent stopped the second I said "stop" and "no" ??

Was this rape ? Or is he right and it wasn't ?
 
M

MercilessGods

Member
Joined
Jan 9, 2017
Messages
12
I can't believe he would treat me that way after just delivering his baby. I was honestly shaking with shock and anger after this happened.
His excuse for it ?... "well we didn't have sex for a few months (because of my pregnancy and complications in that) .. so what did you expect ?"
 
B

billym4467

Well-known member
Joined
May 31, 2016
Messages
323
hi, once you remove consent by asking him to stop then i so-pose it is rape. weather you consented at the start, you told him to stop and he should have.
 
F

fidget

Former member
Yes absolutely this was rape. From the moment you said stop and he didnt, he was raping you. I'm so sorry he did this to you. Are you getting any support or counselling to deal with this? It is thought that 90% of rapists are known to the victims and sadly it is not uncommon for people to be raped within relationships/by people they know, trust and love. It is a terrible thing to try to process, i can't imagine how hard it is for you. Rapecrisis have a lot of information and can provide some support Rape Crisis England and Wales
 
Last edited:
blurrypeach

blurrypeach

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2017
Messages
599
Location
Europe
Hi,
I have no words for this. I cannot imagine how painful (and not only physically speaking) it must've been. I hope you can get help soon. Take care :hug1:
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Sep 12, 2013
Messages
2,423
Yes it was definately rape. Is there a background of abuse, physical, psychological or emotional? Do you know what you want to do next. Do you want to pursue it with the police? Whatever you want to do now I would keep the texts, incase you want them as evidence at some point, maybe even screen shot them and save them elsewhere as back up.

How are you feeling now?
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Admin
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Jan 4, 2013
Messages
24,030
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Hi,
I'm so sorry you went through that, it was rape. I hope you can find the courage to leave him.
Your very brave and must be feeling very angry. A domestic violence charity could help you.
I hope you feel better very soon.
Take care
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,161
My ex and I last had sex about 8 months ago.. which started out as consensual sex. I agreed to it. And then after about 20 second or so.. asked him to stop (I had recently - 2 weeks previous to this - had a c-section to deliver our baby) and after 20 seconds , realised it was far too painful to carry on. I asked him to stop. He didn't. Asked him again, more forcefully. He didn't. This time , yelled at him. He still carried on. By this point he was going rough with me and I was in tears and could feel myself bleeding heavily. So the only option I had left was to physically try and push him off me by digging my nails into the side of his face and shoving him.
Now he admits to doing all this. I have it in black and white over text.
He does however refuse to acknowledge that it was rape. Because I gave my consent at the start. He has be believing now that is wasnt. But surely my consent stopped the second I said "stop" and "no" ??

Was this rape ? Or is he right and it wasn't ?

Yes that is rape. Heres the thing about Permission: It can be Withdrawn At Any Time.

I'm so sorry.

There is counselling you can get to help you deal with this awful act. I'd have him charged if it were me. If hes done it to you he'll do it to someone else :hug:
 
Last edited:
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,161
I can't believe he would treat me that way after just delivering his baby. I was honestly shaking with shock and anger after this happened.
His excuse for it ?... "well we didn't have sex for a few months (because of my pregnancy and complications in that) .. so what did you expect ?"

This is very common in Domestic Abuse cases, nurses in hospitals are now trained to look for it.

I'm sorry, this doesn't give me much confidence. Please get some Professional Help.
 
DanielMartin

DanielMartin

Member
Joined
Feb 3, 2017
Messages
16
Location
Changes
It definitely was rape. There is no doubt about this.

If you want to go to court lawyer up and go ahead, you will probably win it.

I'm really sorry that you had to experience that, but you shouldn't let him get away with it, you might save someone from the same thing happening again.
 
G

Georgia May

Former member
I can't believe he would treat me that way after just delivering his baby. I was honestly shaking with shock and anger after this happened.
His excuse for it ?... "well we didn't have sex for a few months (because of my pregnancy and complications in that) .. so what did you expect ?"

He's a selfish pig, and yes, there's no question that was rape.
 
G

Georgia May

Former member
It definitely was rape. There is no doubt about this.

If you want to go to court lawyer up and go ahead, you will probably win it.

I'm really sorry that you had to experience that, but you shouldn't let him get away with it, you might save someone from the same thing happening again.

I would be wary of going to court, most of the time rape cases are thrown out of court, and the fact you were in a relationship with this guy at the time makes it even less likely that a prosecution would be successful. That's not how it should be but it is how it is. It would just bring the whole event up again and cause you more hurt and frustration and possibly verbal abuse from other people who wouldn't believe you. The best thing is to be grateful he is not your partner now and you don't have to put up with that kind of self centred behaviour any more. Other people get trapped in abusive relationships and don't feel able to leave. I know it must have been a horrendous experience for you but it doesn't have to happen to you again.
 

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