Not exactly for me, I think various events in my life that made me feel like absolutely nothing and being a highly sensitive person from a very young age definitely contributed to the social phobia and panic attacks. The agoraphobia was a development of that.
I had a period where I was still anxious and felt really strange amongst others but still managed to do things. I started slipping again and stopped any sort of social activity, then started to stop going into any shops but the supermarket, then the supermarket was a nightmare. I also live by myself so have to go out or make phone calls to get various things sorted which fills me with terror. I also jump and then freeze when I hear a knock at the door or my phone ring.
I do the pacing before going out, including putting the rubbish out. sometimes I will put my shoes on, then take them off again and so on because I just don't feel I can do it. I don't like having the curtains open either, and can't look out of my window, it's very close to the street.
I pace and get really really anxious before taking the rubbish out, and the amount of adrenaline rushing through me when I am out is unbelievable. I am also scared for my safety whilst out because I can't concentrate nearly as much as I usually would to do things like cross the road.
I'm not getting any real help from the mental health services at the moment, I am on a waiting list for cbt but I don't even know how I will be able to get there! I have been on many medications and my partner says a couple of them did stable me but I couldn't see it, they just made me feel ill in other ways! I do think CBT could help, I have done a little before in books but it will mostly depend on the therapist that I have I think. The thing is, if I start to feel more comfortable one day, just realising that I feel better will make me anxious because I dont know how long it will last, and then I feel bad again after just a few minutes. When I used the book on my own it became another safety behaviour for me, I had to sit with it for around an hour before I went out and I would just desperately stare at the pages hoping to be able to take something in.
The fact that I can talk to other people on here who are in the same boat does help. When I go on here I often end up feeling less alone, less bleak and calmer. I manage to struggle on.
Best wishes to everyone here
Liz
