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Diagnosis?

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MaesParade

New member
Joined
Dec 22, 2014
Messages
1
For the past four years of my teenage existence, I've been slightly emotionally unstable. Often, I've been know to tear up about subjects I am passionate about (ie bullying, insecurities, etc). I could honestly be describing how much I hate the taste of butter, only to find myself in tears over the subject. I get shaky and it is hard to breathe. There are other times when I might go to my room, listen to music, and have this sense of loneliness, despite having six siblings In my home. I might randomly burst in to tears with no provoking, and when I've dried up the tears, not understand why I am crying. Or I might snap at people for nothing serious. There are many days when I wish to hide under my covers and sleep for eternity. I often sink into books and indie music. One day I might look in the mirror and love myself, and the next might be so insecure as to want to skip work or classes because I can barely look at myself. I might be laying in bed, and I feel like I'm choking. Oddly, since I was at least twelve, I vomit or become nasaeus randomly once a week or every two weeks, and once I puke or sleep it off, feel completely fine. My biological mom, who I haven't associated with in many years, has mild schizophrenia. I live with my adopted father and step mother. My biological half brother and I have a rough and possibly abusive history with each other. The other day I was speaking with him, and broke out into tears about a conversation dealing with a MP4 player he broke when I was twelve. Anyways, most people don't understand I am like this. I come from an upper-middle class white family, I am not particularly unattractive, and I've always been relatively popular. I am extremely friendly and bubbly, but sometimes I just feel inexplicably sad, even next to my best friend. I always have this yearning to move many miles away, where nobody will know me. I'm super social, but I'd rather shop or walk the beach alone. For a long time I've known I've had some sirt of mental illness. I tired explaining it to my family once, to ask for therapy or support, but they brushed it off and called me over dramatic, and I fear bringing the subject up again, even 4 years later. I'm about to head off to college in August, and I just wish I could get help somehow before I self destruct. It's not like I can just tell my parents, because my stepmom doesn't particularly like me and tries to make me seem like a bad person as it is to my adopted father. If I tell them again, and they brush it off, I'll break. I couldn't handle it. I dint know what to do. I need someone to talk too and maybe some anti depressants.
 
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Helena1

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Oct 11, 2014
Messages
10,575
Location
UK
maybe go see your GP and tell them how you feel, you could get some counseling through them. I would do a lot of research on anti depressants before you go on them if you do go on them.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Helena's given you some pretty sound advice.
A GP is probably your best bet for a first point of contact, and from there they can refer you to more specialist services. They're also likely to know of any groups, counselling or support services in your area, if that's something that would appeal to you.
Am sorry that you're feeling low and to hear that your family dynamics are difficult.
I do hope you can get some support and start to make positive changes soon.
 
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